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how to stop worrying...
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 284648"><p>Words of Wisdom:</p><p>For me, much of feeling better has to do with strengthening myself. This means physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. So, I have more ability to detach. I continue to hope for the best, but accept that something else is entirely possible. I don't get as "caught up" in that as I once did. I understand that my child's choices are just that...her choices. I suppose I still have brief moments that I wonder "why" or if there was or is something I can do to make it better. But I understand that I can not make my child's choices for her. I can help her to a certain extent. However, I also can hold her accountable for her poor choices and compliment her or reward her for good ones made. Bottom line...I am a little removed, just not as emotionally involved in it all. I try to show a certain "unconditional" positive regard and love to my difficult child as a human being and family member. However, I still expect appropriate behavior and for her to be accountable for her actions. I understand that I also deserve to treat myself with respect and love and by being too enmeshed...too involved...overly emotional...overly worried about a child that has a great tendency to make the wrong choices was tearing me apart. The answer became clear...simply do something different...and that "different" was to make a decision to change the way I was going to look at and react to difficult child behavior. Listen to what the others have said. Enjoy your son's good decisions. If he makes a poor choice, it is on him. Determine, what consequences might be appropriate and if there needs to be rectification. Ask that it be done and expect that it will be. Chances are good, that he is on the right road. And if he hits a snag...remember its only temporary. Eventually he will see the light. Don't let it THROW YOU! Don't look back...be strong, hold your head up high and move forward. AAF</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 284648"] Words of Wisdom: For me, much of feeling better has to do with strengthening myself. This means physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. So, I have more ability to detach. I continue to hope for the best, but accept that something else is entirely possible. I don't get as "caught up" in that as I once did. I understand that my child's choices are just that...her choices. I suppose I still have brief moments that I wonder "why" or if there was or is something I can do to make it better. But I understand that I can not make my child's choices for her. I can help her to a certain extent. However, I also can hold her accountable for her poor choices and compliment her or reward her for good ones made. Bottom line...I am a little removed, just not as emotionally involved in it all. I try to show a certain "unconditional" positive regard and love to my difficult child as a human being and family member. However, I still expect appropriate behavior and for her to be accountable for her actions. I understand that I also deserve to treat myself with respect and love and by being too enmeshed...too involved...overly emotional...overly worried about a child that has a great tendency to make the wrong choices was tearing me apart. The answer became clear...simply do something different...and that "different" was to make a decision to change the way I was going to look at and react to difficult child behavior. Listen to what the others have said. Enjoy your son's good decisions. If he makes a poor choice, it is on him. Determine, what consequences might be appropriate and if there needs to be rectification. Ask that it be done and expect that it will be. Chances are good, that he is on the right road. And if he hits a snag...remember its only temporary. Eventually he will see the light. Don't let it THROW YOU! Don't look back...be strong, hold your head up high and move forward. AAF [/QUOTE]
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