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Family of Origin
How to truly go no contact if you sadly must
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 744834" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>This sentence was powerful/meaningful for me:</p><p>“ I also found out it's very common for the healthiest family member to be the one considered the black sheep because we upset the delusion everyone else is living in.”</p><p></p><p>I know that this is more or less going on right now with my in law family.</p><p></p><p>But, re no contact. My father was physically and emotionally abusuve.He was a narcissist. I see a lot of narcissism around me. Fairly sure FB is their hub (bad joke, sorry). </p><p>When my mom died at age 49 I was angry and crushed at the same time. </p><p></p><p>For one thing, she had lung cancer and he would smoke like a chimney while she slept in the bed next to him in their king sized bed. He had an astray on his night stand filled with cigs. every morning and her nightgown would reek of smoke. She had stopped smoking herself five years prior.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, he was a horror.</p><p></p><p>After she died, I could barely speak to him. I would fantasize that some day he might apologize to me. What was I thinking?</p><p></p><p>In my youth he would beat me so badly that it would not be appropriate to type it out here. Sick stuff. I didn’t tell folks any details until I was thirty. I told my husband and he literally screamed for five minutes.</p><p></p><p>I, by and large went no contact. I did not call him etc.</p><p></p><p>When he got to be in his early seventies he had a TIA. So, I realized one day he could become incompacitated due to poor health.</p><p></p><p>After that, I started calling him once a year around Christmas time to see if he needed anything.</p><p></p><p>I don’t regret going “no contact.” Since I’m an only “child,” I felt a tiny obligation to help a little should he become incompacitated as an elderly man.</p><p></p><p>We have to protect ourselves. Look at the lessons from having a Difficult Child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 744834, member: 4152"] This sentence was powerful/meaningful for me: “ I also found out it's very common for the healthiest family member to be the one considered the black sheep because we upset the delusion everyone else is living in.” I know that this is more or less going on right now with my in law family. But, re no contact. My father was physically and emotionally abusuve.He was a narcissist. I see a lot of narcissism around me. Fairly sure FB is their hub (bad joke, sorry). When my mom died at age 49 I was angry and crushed at the same time. For one thing, she had lung cancer and he would smoke like a chimney while she slept in the bed next to him in their king sized bed. He had an astray on his night stand filled with cigs. every morning and her nightgown would reek of smoke. She had stopped smoking herself five years prior. Anyway, he was a horror. After she died, I could barely speak to him. I would fantasize that some day he might apologize to me. What was I thinking? In my youth he would beat me so badly that it would not be appropriate to type it out here. Sick stuff. I didn’t tell folks any details until I was thirty. I told my husband and he literally screamed for five minutes. I, by and large went no contact. I did not call him etc. When he got to be in his early seventies he had a TIA. So, I realized one day he could become incompacitated due to poor health. After that, I started calling him once a year around Christmas time to see if he needed anything. I don’t regret going “no contact.” Since I’m an only “child,” I felt a tiny obligation to help a little should he become incompacitated as an elderly man. We have to protect ourselves. Look at the lessons from having a Difficult Child. [/QUOTE]
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How to truly go no contact if you sadly must
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