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Huffington Post looking for parents with personal experience with violent children
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 569190" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I remember when I finally got my (now former) difficult child in to see a pediatrician that is the local acting psychiatrist. Now he isn't a psychiatrist at all. But like many communities, they shuttle challenging and mentally ill children to a pediatrician that is labelled as working with this demographic of children. Not exactly inspiring hope from the onset, for the record. It was exhaustive getting just the referral. It was a bunch of wasted time, mounting to close to two years, of first having to be blamed as the parent, then exhaust all the fruitless and useless standard go to, easy out, type sticker charts, rewards, time outs, basket hold lessons, methods that rarely work for challenging children. Then the numerous school meetings, evaluations, doctor visits, counselors, wasted time in parenting classes being told to just do xyz. Then finally the all hyped "referral" to this pediatrician. difficult child was so out of control at that point, school was a nightmare, my home was a nightmare, my life was all consumed with difficult child issues and I watched my son increasingly feel incapable, a failure, a freak, and his issues obviously spiraled into worse events due to his exposure to one failed useless attempt at a new approach after another. </p><p></p><p>I walked in to the appointment with difficult child, after having to fill out a multi page form about behaviors. All yes/no type answers, which often is not helpful because some issues just aren't that cut and dry. This yokel spoke to us both for about a half hour. He ignored the sullen, angry, defiant ball of rage that was difficult child, and asked about the same methods I'd fruitlessly tried at recommendation of numerous "professionals". He acted like I was somehow exaggerating difficult child's behaviors, or the lack of response to the "methods" tried. Questioned how much "effort" and "perserverance" I had actually approached these methods with. Lovely. More parental blame, as I began to tear up and get that ever present sinking feeling that once again, no help was on the off'ing. This idiot then barked, literally barked, at me: so what, you want me to write a script, drug your kid, and make this all better? Well holy criminey I about turned difficult child myself, because I was at my wits end, begging the so called regional specialist (the ONLY one!!!) for HELP because I was desperate and had banged on every door and tried every thing suggested and my son was hurting and I was terrified for his future. I babbled some response about NO, I wasn't there begging for medication. I was OPEN to medication if he felt there was one that could help my son. I was also open to any NEW suggestion, therapy, approach, that might help my son, help me, help my family, help him be able to access proper education, help him functin, help his future. He honest to goodness snapped so you ARE just looking for medications. WHAT??? That was NOT what I said. I remember crying at that point, I was so defeated. He then said, perhaps the issue here isn't a normal active boy, but a mother with obviously too many personal issues herself to parent, seeing as you are crying in the office of the professional you want to help your son. And he promptly offered a referal for ME to get mental health support. Even more terrifying was this yokel had a intern placed with him. A young man finishing medication school, shadowing and learning from this guy. I only prayed that the young man was not going into child psychiatry, or at least wasn't using this guys influence to impact his approach to treating childhood mental health issues. Not only was this said in front of that medication student, it was said in front of my difficult child!!! So I left with literally the last resort no longer accessible to me or difficult child, had a difficult child who heard this was all mom's fault and doing and that "I" was the problem, that he was just an active normally functioning boy. Then a report was sent to my family doctor, who in term provided it to the school and to difficult child's therapist and support network. And then, there was no avenue of help untainted by this yokel. </p><p></p><p>I have learned since that this NOT uncommon. I did not experience anything unique in my efforts to get resources and help for my difficult child. Until this type of treatment to parents seeking help for their children changes, it is a battle that rarely a parent can fight in providing helpful services for their children. It is a shameful and disgraceful state of affairs, given this is 2012 and we have the insight now more than ever into the needs of mentally ill persons, children and otherwise. I have a very similar story actually in trying for years to get help for my mother. </p><p></p><p>Disgraceful is nowhere near the word needed to describe the state of mental health services. Or the lack of them. Enter in parents of violent or potentially violent children, and my heart bleeds for those families and those children. We can do better. We must do better. I don't have the solution, but I do know it has to begin by eliminating the blame the parent game, and providing all encompassing services regardless of insurance or finances, to families reaching out for help. I'm so sick of this discussion coming up after a tragedy such as CT, only to have it washed again under the service of public awareness when newer news trumps these horrible stories. I'm sick of politics, symantics, cop outs, getting in the way of meaningful dialogue and systematic change for the better. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> </p><p></p><p>Rant over. I'm just so discouraged to see public will for change swell, only to predict that it will wane again quickly as it always does. Our children deserve better. Society needs to demand better for them. Where is the village raising children concept gone???</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 569190, member: 4264"] I remember when I finally got my (now former) difficult child in to see a pediatrician that is the local acting psychiatrist. Now he isn't a psychiatrist at all. But like many communities, they shuttle challenging and mentally ill children to a pediatrician that is labelled as working with this demographic of children. Not exactly inspiring hope from the onset, for the record. It was exhaustive getting just the referral. It was a bunch of wasted time, mounting to close to two years, of first having to be blamed as the parent, then exhaust all the fruitless and useless standard go to, easy out, type sticker charts, rewards, time outs, basket hold lessons, methods that rarely work for challenging children. Then the numerous school meetings, evaluations, doctor visits, counselors, wasted time in parenting classes being told to just do xyz. Then finally the all hyped "referral" to this pediatrician. difficult child was so out of control at that point, school was a nightmare, my home was a nightmare, my life was all consumed with difficult child issues and I watched my son increasingly feel incapable, a failure, a freak, and his issues obviously spiraled into worse events due to his exposure to one failed useless attempt at a new approach after another. I walked in to the appointment with difficult child, after having to fill out a multi page form about behaviors. All yes/no type answers, which often is not helpful because some issues just aren't that cut and dry. This yokel spoke to us both for about a half hour. He ignored the sullen, angry, defiant ball of rage that was difficult child, and asked about the same methods I'd fruitlessly tried at recommendation of numerous "professionals". He acted like I was somehow exaggerating difficult child's behaviors, or the lack of response to the "methods" tried. Questioned how much "effort" and "perserverance" I had actually approached these methods with. Lovely. More parental blame, as I began to tear up and get that ever present sinking feeling that once again, no help was on the off'ing. This idiot then barked, literally barked, at me: so what, you want me to write a script, drug your kid, and make this all better? Well holy criminey I about turned difficult child myself, because I was at my wits end, begging the so called regional specialist (the ONLY one!!!) for HELP because I was desperate and had banged on every door and tried every thing suggested and my son was hurting and I was terrified for his future. I babbled some response about NO, I wasn't there begging for medication. I was OPEN to medication if he felt there was one that could help my son. I was also open to any NEW suggestion, therapy, approach, that might help my son, help me, help my family, help him be able to access proper education, help him functin, help his future. He honest to goodness snapped so you ARE just looking for medications. WHAT??? That was NOT what I said. I remember crying at that point, I was so defeated. He then said, perhaps the issue here isn't a normal active boy, but a mother with obviously too many personal issues herself to parent, seeing as you are crying in the office of the professional you want to help your son. And he promptly offered a referal for ME to get mental health support. Even more terrifying was this yokel had a intern placed with him. A young man finishing medication school, shadowing and learning from this guy. I only prayed that the young man was not going into child psychiatry, or at least wasn't using this guys influence to impact his approach to treating childhood mental health issues. Not only was this said in front of that medication student, it was said in front of my difficult child!!! So I left with literally the last resort no longer accessible to me or difficult child, had a difficult child who heard this was all mom's fault and doing and that "I" was the problem, that he was just an active normally functioning boy. Then a report was sent to my family doctor, who in term provided it to the school and to difficult child's therapist and support network. And then, there was no avenue of help untainted by this yokel. I have learned since that this NOT uncommon. I did not experience anything unique in my efforts to get resources and help for my difficult child. Until this type of treatment to parents seeking help for their children changes, it is a battle that rarely a parent can fight in providing helpful services for their children. It is a shameful and disgraceful state of affairs, given this is 2012 and we have the insight now more than ever into the needs of mentally ill persons, children and otherwise. I have a very similar story actually in trying for years to get help for my mother. Disgraceful is nowhere near the word needed to describe the state of mental health services. Or the lack of them. Enter in parents of violent or potentially violent children, and my heart bleeds for those families and those children. We can do better. We must do better. I don't have the solution, but I do know it has to begin by eliminating the blame the parent game, and providing all encompassing services regardless of insurance or finances, to families reaching out for help. I'm so sick of this discussion coming up after a tragedy such as CT, only to have it washed again under the service of public awareness when newer news trumps these horrible stories. I'm sick of politics, symantics, cop outs, getting in the way of meaningful dialogue and systematic change for the better. :( Rant over. I'm just so discouraged to see public will for change swell, only to predict that it will wane again quickly as it always does. Our children deserve better. Society needs to demand better for them. Where is the village raising children concept gone??? [/QUOTE]
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