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Huge breakthough yesterday
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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 83894" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KFld</div><div class="ubbcode-body"></p><p></p><p>...like my counselor pointed out yesterday, you cannot feel intimate towards your child.</p><p></p><p>I need to detatch just like I did my difficult child son and allow my difficult child husband to straighten out his own life. </div></div></p><p></p><p></p><p> :bravo:</p><p></p><p>It's hard to realize what has been happening to us for so many years, and to realize that our DHs have blamed us for things we had no responsibility for. My husband and I went through something similar. There was no affair (that I know about, anyway!). But there was scathing verbal abuse. I was young then, and innocent. I too believed the words my husband said.</p><p></p><p>But he was very wrong to do what he did.</p><p></p><p>When I became healthier, husband had no choice but to stop what HE was doing. I not only stopped listening to his abusive comments, I stopped listening to him altogether. It was at that point that husband changed. Not because he had suddenly seen the light, but because he literally had no choice.</p><p></p><p>Once our eyes are open, we see so much, so clearly, that it is frightening.</p><p></p><p>We wonder how this could have come to be.</p><p></p><p>It happens a little at a time. Someone once likened it to putting a frog in a pot of water and bringing it slowly to a boil. The frog isn't aware that its environment is killing it until it is too weak to escape.</p><p></p><p>Once we do escape, it is hard not to want to go back.</p><p></p><p>It is hard for me to keep my guard up. Things slide back toward that dark place where everything bad is somehow my responsibility more often than I would like. </p><p></p><p>It's hard to see it when you are living it.</p><p></p><p>I am not sure whether every marriage has some of that in it or not.</p><p></p><p>I felt so foolish when I realized what had happened to me ~what the man who supposedly loved me had done to me. </p><p></p><p>I wanted you to know these kinds of things happen to so many of us. </p><p></p><p>There is nothing different about you, or wrong with you ~ or with me, for that matter.</p><p></p><p>It is very important to open our eyes.</p><p></p><p>I'm sure it is hard to see what you are seeing, but it is very, very freeing to know the underpinnings of our relationships.</p><p></p><p>It helps us to understand just whose baggage it is that we have been carting around for all these years.</p><p></p><p>And once we see that, we can put that suitcase down without a second thought.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 83894, member: 3353"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: KFld</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> ...like my counselor pointed out yesterday, you cannot feel intimate towards your child. I need to detatch just like I did my difficult child son and allow my difficult child husband to straighten out his own life. </div></div> [img]:bravo:[/img] It's hard to realize what has been happening to us for so many years, and to realize that our DHs have blamed us for things we had no responsibility for. My husband and I went through something similar. There was no affair (that I know about, anyway!). But there was scathing verbal abuse. I was young then, and innocent. I too believed the words my husband said. But he was very wrong to do what he did. When I became healthier, husband had no choice but to stop what HE was doing. I not only stopped listening to his abusive comments, I stopped listening to him altogether. It was at that point that husband changed. Not because he had suddenly seen the light, but because he literally had no choice. Once our eyes are open, we see so much, so clearly, that it is frightening. We wonder how this could have come to be. It happens a little at a time. Someone once likened it to putting a frog in a pot of water and bringing it slowly to a boil. The frog isn't aware that its environment is killing it until it is too weak to escape. Once we do escape, it is hard not to want to go back. It is hard for me to keep my guard up. Things slide back toward that dark place where everything bad is somehow my responsibility more often than I would like. It's hard to see it when you are living it. I am not sure whether every marriage has some of that in it or not. I felt so foolish when I realized what had happened to me ~what the man who supposedly loved me had done to me. I wanted you to know these kinds of things happen to so many of us. There is nothing different about you, or wrong with you ~ or with me, for that matter. It is very important to open our eyes. I'm sure it is hard to see what you are seeing, but it is very, very freeing to know the underpinnings of our relationships. It helps us to understand just whose baggage it is that we have been carting around for all these years. And once we see that, we can put that suitcase down without a second thought. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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