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Huge breakthough yesterday
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 84115" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>AHhhhh HA! </p><p></p><p>Well then - I am <u>extra</u> proud of you. In my situation I had a difficult child husband and a sweet child who lived and breathed to be like his manipulating father - who told him to be just like him. When I sat down (like you are now) and thought about divorce for the first time it made me angry to think that somehow I failed. In reality had he done his part to uphold his vows, WE wouldn't have failed. As a human, we always want to finalize everything so that we can move on. At the time I felt blaming and pointing fingers solved nothing. However getting to the root of the problem wasn't pointing fingers it was coming to the realization that if I could have been a better wife, I would have been. And over time you get numb to their touch, their pathetic attempts to rectify the situations, their head games and the few and far inbetween times that we feel they may have tried to make a genuine attempt at getting themselves straight. I learned a hard lesson in 13 years, that pity wasn't love. And love didn't pity; it worked harder at not making the same mistakes over and over. Addiction is just a beast. Had I stayed in my own marriage Karen, I wouldn't be writing this to you and I wouldn't be talking about a 17 year old son on my other posts. We'd both be dead. My x is a walking dead person. At 52 years of age, loosing his wife, his son, his home, his possessions, his business, his mother...he still chooses to do exactly what he did that caused us to part. For 38 years he's choosen drugs and alcohol over those things most of us cherish. </p><p></p><p>When I left him despite the torture and abuse, there was still a part of me a year later that hoped he would send a letter to an undisclosed PO box saying "I've gotten my life together for my sake and the sake of my marriage, and my son." and my son took it the hardest each time we went to the PO box, he'd cry then poop his pants. At one time he even accused me of taking his father's letters out and throwing them away so I let him open the po box for a year. Eventually he got the picture. I still hung on. And through counseling and speaking with a preacher regarding the breaking of my vows? Yeah, there is an avenue anyone contemplating divorce should go through - seriously. If you're not even a religious person but believe in the bible...a good pastor can throw passage after passage out about how a husband should treat a wife, - and trust me there's always the element of forgiveness in there, but after you hear it from the biblical point of view? You won't feel bad any more. Women are to be treated well. </p><p></p><p>Sorry to ramble on and on. I just wish in my heart of hearts that you find and keep the strength you have. I'll always be here like an invisible sister to tell you YOU ARE WORTHY of so much more than you got. Thanks for clearing up my questions. </p><p></p><p>Many hugs</p><p>Have a tremendous day! </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 84115, member: 4964"] AHhhhh HA! Well then - I am <u>extra</u> proud of you. In my situation I had a difficult child husband and a sweet child who lived and breathed to be like his manipulating father - who told him to be just like him. When I sat down (like you are now) and thought about divorce for the first time it made me angry to think that somehow I failed. In reality had he done his part to uphold his vows, WE wouldn't have failed. As a human, we always want to finalize everything so that we can move on. At the time I felt blaming and pointing fingers solved nothing. However getting to the root of the problem wasn't pointing fingers it was coming to the realization that if I could have been a better wife, I would have been. And over time you get numb to their touch, their pathetic attempts to rectify the situations, their head games and the few and far inbetween times that we feel they may have tried to make a genuine attempt at getting themselves straight. I learned a hard lesson in 13 years, that pity wasn't love. And love didn't pity; it worked harder at not making the same mistakes over and over. Addiction is just a beast. Had I stayed in my own marriage Karen, I wouldn't be writing this to you and I wouldn't be talking about a 17 year old son on my other posts. We'd both be dead. My x is a walking dead person. At 52 years of age, loosing his wife, his son, his home, his possessions, his business, his mother...he still chooses to do exactly what he did that caused us to part. For 38 years he's choosen drugs and alcohol over those things most of us cherish. When I left him despite the torture and abuse, there was still a part of me a year later that hoped he would send a letter to an undisclosed PO box saying "I've gotten my life together for my sake and the sake of my marriage, and my son." and my son took it the hardest each time we went to the PO box, he'd cry then poop his pants. At one time he even accused me of taking his father's letters out and throwing them away so I let him open the po box for a year. Eventually he got the picture. I still hung on. And through counseling and speaking with a preacher regarding the breaking of my vows? Yeah, there is an avenue anyone contemplating divorce should go through - seriously. If you're not even a religious person but believe in the bible...a good pastor can throw passage after passage out about how a husband should treat a wife, - and trust me there's always the element of forgiveness in there, but after you hear it from the biblical point of view? You won't feel bad any more. Women are to be treated well. Sorry to ramble on and on. I just wish in my heart of hearts that you find and keep the strength you have. I'll always be here like an invisible sister to tell you YOU ARE WORTHY of so much more than you got. Thanks for clearing up my questions. Many hugs Have a tremendous day! Star [/QUOTE]
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