Hurting, but thankful for the wisdom

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Acacia, Nov 22, 2017.

  1. Acacia

    Acacia Active Member

    Since the school year started I haven't had time to post or reply, but I check in when I can and am so thankful for the members who take the time to share their experience, strength, and hope, as well as their struggles. There is so much collective wisdom and compassion.

    My update is that my 37 year old difficult undiagnosed daughter has cut me out of her and my two grandchildren's lives and says horrible things about me to them and to anyone else who will listen. Given her behavior, I don't want contact, but I do feel grief about how she is influencing my grandchildren.

    My difficult son is still in jail and blames me for his problems. His contact with me is always about wanting something. I am 64, working full-time, and have a younger son also who is in college and doing great.

    It's been a long, hard road, and although I am better at setting boundaries, my older two's mischaracterization of me and cruelty hurt. The holidays make it feel even sadder.

    My heart is with all of the parents who post here who deserve kindness and respect. Because you post here, I know you care about, love, and have tried to help your children. Although I will always love my two difficult, adult childre, I am learning to redirect my love to take care of myself and to those who appreciate it.
    • Winner Winner x 7
    • Friendly Friendly x 6
    • List
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Oh the Blame if we owned it we could control it and cure it with our love. Do we all wish his was so. Detaching is a healthy thing to do.

    It is difficult to face the holidays for so many of us. I am trying to focus on a non traditional holiday to alleviate some of the sadness.

    The operative word in the quote above from you is mischaracterization. And yes it is painful but know that it is indeed....The act of characterizing something in an inaccurate or misleading way.

    How lovely your one son is doing well!

    Be kind to yourself.
  3. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Wishing you peace as we enter the holiday season. Don't let the cruel lies your children tell dishearten you. Stand strong and remain thankful.

    ((HUGS)) for you...
  4. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    The holidays can make it feel even sadder for those of us who live in the rabbit hole.

    I think you should focus on the people who love you back. You bear no responsibility for your difficult son's choices at this late stage. His choices are his own.
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • List
  5. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    I so understand where you are coming from Acacia. Holidays with the Norman Rockwell family dinner imagery can make it difficult for those of us on this journey. You know who you are, what you taught them. Don't let their mistreatment and false words get you down.
    My heart goes out to you Acacia. I am glad you are redirecting towards self care and focusing on your loved ones who cherish you.
    You are worth it.
    You matter.
    Life is short.
    Find peace and joy.