Hurting for easy child and grandson...

[everywoman]

I just don't get all of this. Dingbat is an intelligent (booksmart) girl. She just graduated from college last month with a 4.0.

I don't know if her parents know the whole story yet.She is supposed to call her mom tonight and give her the news. They know she cheated. They know son forgave her and was willing to try to make the marriage work,but she didn't want to. She went home for a week and left the baby with son.She now says she needed time to "think." She supposedly had an appointment with a clinic to have a procedure done. She called him on the way there and told him the news on the phone. She couldn't go through with the procedure then, but still says she may. It is almost a certainty that he is not the father, but until paternity is proven, he is the assumed father. He is responsible for all medical bills. His name can go on the birth certificate. She saw a gynechologist today and returned to son's house with ultrasound pictures and video---how tacky is that. Doesn't that sound like someone who wants to have a baby?

He has said he can't raise this child. It's not like he married her and she already had one. She slept with an old boyfriend for about 8 weeks and got pregnant. easy child knows that her choices and bad decisions have caused this. He still, somewhere in his heart, wants to make it work...Poor guy. He has always been a perfectionist and hates to fail at anything.

He has talked to an attorney and is having a proposal written up. If she will sign, he will wait to file for divorce--but only if he can still use the adultry grounds to file. If not...I don't know what he'll do.
He just wants custody of his 1 year old son.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Sounds like someone talked to her about her options in a divorce. If your son truly wants out of this marriage and custody of his son he may have to move quickly....is there ANY chance this baby could be his? She has admitted to cheating, but if the baby could be your son's he would be leaving another child in her custody. I don't think you can find out parenthood until the baby is born. I assume the attorney will include parental testing in this agreement. Is she open to a deal whereby his insurance would pay for medical expenses of the pregnancy if she would give up custody of first son, and possibly the baby if it is his? Yeah, you have probably thought of all this, but tread carefully....the longer she has to think about things the more demands she is going to make....on the other hand they may try to claim she isn't thinking straight since she is pregnant if anything gets signed so will try to void it that way. I bet you never dreamed you would have to deal with such a situation....hope your son can hold out for his son's sake....

 

[KFld]

She definatley fits the dingbat description for me :smile:

Sounds like your son needs to make some choices over this marriage himself and not wait to see what she is going to do. The fact is she cheated on him and whether the baby is his or not doesn't change that. If she continues the pregnancy and they find out it is his, then he can have a relationship with the baby.

this is the exact thing I told my difficult child over and over again until he found out the baby wasn't his. He chose to continue the relationship until the test was done and I think it hurt him worse then. Hope your son can hold it together. I know it's not easy.

 

[Sunlight]

If the baby is not his, does he realize some day she may once more reunite with the baby's father and your son will have to deal with him visiting etc.?
I am glad he consulted a lawyer.

 

[Fran]

I don't know what I would say but I feel for you. Watching a child get hurt by someone who is supposed to love him has to be excruciating especially since you won't say anything about his wife(wisely so).
I hope he can work this out but it doesn't appear she is returning because she made a mistake and still cares for her husband. Mistakes in marriage are always made but she seems to be coming back because she wants someone's medical insurance.

How many of her babies is he willing to raise?

 

[everywoman]

Only the one he has now, all though early on he said if the other guy gave up parental rights, he would consider adopting. That was the day he found out, and he was really upset and confused. He has made it very clear that he will not raise this one. She is back now just for baby's birthday. He says if this child is his, he will have visitation and child support---but there is a very slim chance that it is his...I think if it is, he would probably change his mind

 

[busywend]

The fact is, he is on a roller coaster of emotion and should make no final decisions now about anything.

You never know what wifey will figure out for herself. And you never know what your son will figure out for hinself. The pain he must be in though. Poor thing. He thought he was in it for life. Your heart must be broken for him as well.

 

[Suz]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> The fact is, he is on a roller coaster of emotion and should make no final decisions now about anything.
</div></div>

Exactly right.

I hope he can step back and take a deep breath before any major decisions are made. I can't imagine trying to make such important decisions during this maelstrom of emotion.

Suz

 

[witzend]

I'm with WMM on this. If he is certain that this is not for him, he should file for divorce before this child is born. If she wants to continue to pretend he could be the father, he should demand a prenatal paternity test in the legal documents.