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General Parenting
Hurting other kids-- It Happened Again!
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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 56067" data-attributes="member: 701"><p>I've found with my difficult child that's it's important to acknowledge his anger, especially if it was well founded. Sometimes they have very legitimate reasons for their anger but they so often take it too far. Had my kids come in and reported that difficult child had punched them because they'd killed the insect he was observing I wouldn't have had a whole lot of sympathy althought I might have commented on their methodology. (This is normal kid stuff: I distinctly remember whacking my best friend in the head with a roller skate for needlessly killing ants in the ant colony we were watching.) The difference with the difficult child's is that they don't know when to quit!</p><p></p><p>I agree with the others on constant supervision, and if that can't be done opting to keep him away from other children until he's steadied out again.</p><p></p><p>Others may disagree, but when it comes to safety related issues such as this I'm still in favor of maintaining some level of responsibility with the child. There are times when taking away Nintendo is a very reasonable consequence for a difficult child.</p><p></p><p>With my difficult child I have found the need to tie aggressive behavior to something he can understand in his world. He doesn't often catch the cause/effect/reasoning of mom is going to dole out a consequence because I've hurt someone because he rarely feels remorseful--he feels justified. He grasps it much better when he can see a relationship: mom takes away the Nintendo because the majority of the games are fighting games and if I can't handle my anger/aggression in real life than I'm not going to get to have this stuff on the screen. Again, he usually doesn't feel remorseful for his actions, but it's far more tangible in the reasoning department. Taking away his favorite toy as a consequence is one thing, taking it away or limiting what he plays because he's not controlling his own aggression so he's not going to be getting a steady diet of it on screen is another. Ditto with postponing viewing movies with violence. As you know, parents of easy child boys are pretty much ignoring most PG-13 ratings on movies the boys really want to see (every 6 year old boy in my daughter's 1st grade class saw Revenge of the Sith) so this didn't make me the most popular mother in the world but in my son's case it seemed to be a helpful incentive. </p><p></p><p>Given the affinity that Seb has for printed material, I think I would be looking into anger management books for kids.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 56067, member: 701"] I've found with my difficult child that's it's important to acknowledge his anger, especially if it was well founded. Sometimes they have very legitimate reasons for their anger but they so often take it too far. Had my kids come in and reported that difficult child had punched them because they'd killed the insect he was observing I wouldn't have had a whole lot of sympathy althought I might have commented on their methodology. (This is normal kid stuff: I distinctly remember whacking my best friend in the head with a roller skate for needlessly killing ants in the ant colony we were watching.) The difference with the difficult child's is that they don't know when to quit! I agree with the others on constant supervision, and if that can't be done opting to keep him away from other children until he's steadied out again. Others may disagree, but when it comes to safety related issues such as this I'm still in favor of maintaining some level of responsibility with the child. There are times when taking away Nintendo is a very reasonable consequence for a difficult child. With my difficult child I have found the need to tie aggressive behavior to something he can understand in his world. He doesn't often catch the cause/effect/reasoning of mom is going to dole out a consequence because I've hurt someone because he rarely feels remorseful--he feels justified. He grasps it much better when he can see a relationship: mom takes away the Nintendo because the majority of the games are fighting games and if I can't handle my anger/aggression in real life than I'm not going to get to have this stuff on the screen. Again, he usually doesn't feel remorseful for his actions, but it's far more tangible in the reasoning department. Taking away his favorite toy as a consequence is one thing, taking it away or limiting what he plays because he's not controlling his own aggression so he's not going to be getting a steady diet of it on screen is another. Ditto with postponing viewing movies with violence. As you know, parents of easy child boys are pretty much ignoring most PG-13 ratings on movies the boys really want to see (every 6 year old boy in my daughter's 1st grade class saw Revenge of the Sith) so this didn't make me the most popular mother in the world but in my son's case it seemed to be a helpful incentive. Given the affinity that Seb has for printed material, I think I would be looking into anger management books for kids. [/QUOTE]
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