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General Parenting
Hurting other kids-- It Happened Again!
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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 56225" data-attributes="member: 701"><p>Even if doctors don't take insurance, most decent plans should be reimbursing at least part of the cost when you submit the claims yourself.</p><p></p><p>Unless you find a medications solution, working on issues of aggression/social issues is usually a gradual process taking coming at it from various angles. Watch for teachable moments and situations in which you can help him relate to the "victim". Once my difficult child was bullied on the playground and while it was a miserable experience for him that I put a stop to the moment I realized how bad it was for him, I have referred back to that on numerous occasions when he's struck out at someone younger/smaller/less powerful. </p><p></p><p>The other thing to be on the watch for are news articles, etc of situations where people have been remorseful for a significant action, but that they've done something significant that can't be undone. No doubt my difficult child at his age and with his mindset can't imagine a situation in which he'd cause un-doable damage but if I read a news article about a drunk driver killing a family or a murder situation where the killer was later remorseful, he becomes quite angry. In talking about these things, I would never relate them to his behavior directly, but I do talk about how people do things that can't be undone no matter how sorry they are for them. I consider it another way of chipping away at the problem indirectly.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child is not one to feel sorry easy, nor is he inclined to apologize, and I've never pushed the apology. Occasionally he will and I usually suggest it but I think he'd easily grow a "just apologize and get Mom off my back" attitude. I'm hoping he'll mature in this area but I don't push it. I'd become extremely beligerent if forced to apologize for something I wasn't sorry for and I'm not nearly as strong willed as my difficult child. I also wouldn't force a difficult child who is not sorry to apologize because I think it is encouraging them to be dishonest.</p><p></p><p>Consequences have been one of the banes of my life with difficult child. My difficult child has an obsessive type personality due to the spectrumish wiring. A few years ago I realized that obsessions to him played a vital role in helping keep him balanced. For him obsessions are like a drug and either too much or too little throws him seriously out of whack. For that reason in his situation, I'm much more inclined to use limits than to pull his Nintendo entirely. I don't hesitate with my older son, but with difficult child pulling it totally for any but a short period would likely cause us more problems than the good we were trying to accomplish through the action. This is where knowing your kid is going to come into play because they all need different handling.</p><p></p><p>If I were you, I would start keeping a behavioral log. </p><p></p><p>One other thought to toss out to you: sometimes when you see increased problems such as this it's a sign that social skills problems are increasing. Sometimes children--especially those with ride the fence or atypical diagnoses--will get along okay in the social realm when they are young and the social demands are low. Then as social demands increase struggles will set in and intensify. I'm not sure this is what you're dealing with of course, but it would be worth watching for given that you are still searching. If this is the case you should be seeing more than impulsive physical overreactions when things don't gel with his expectations.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 56225, member: 701"] Even if doctors don't take insurance, most decent plans should be reimbursing at least part of the cost when you submit the claims yourself. Unless you find a medications solution, working on issues of aggression/social issues is usually a gradual process taking coming at it from various angles. Watch for teachable moments and situations in which you can help him relate to the "victim". Once my difficult child was bullied on the playground and while it was a miserable experience for him that I put a stop to the moment I realized how bad it was for him, I have referred back to that on numerous occasions when he's struck out at someone younger/smaller/less powerful. The other thing to be on the watch for are news articles, etc of situations where people have been remorseful for a significant action, but that they've done something significant that can't be undone. No doubt my difficult child at his age and with his mindset can't imagine a situation in which he'd cause un-doable damage but if I read a news article about a drunk driver killing a family or a murder situation where the killer was later remorseful, he becomes quite angry. In talking about these things, I would never relate them to his behavior directly, but I do talk about how people do things that can't be undone no matter how sorry they are for them. I consider it another way of chipping away at the problem indirectly. My difficult child is not one to feel sorry easy, nor is he inclined to apologize, and I've never pushed the apology. Occasionally he will and I usually suggest it but I think he'd easily grow a "just apologize and get Mom off my back" attitude. I'm hoping he'll mature in this area but I don't push it. I'd become extremely beligerent if forced to apologize for something I wasn't sorry for and I'm not nearly as strong willed as my difficult child. I also wouldn't force a difficult child who is not sorry to apologize because I think it is encouraging them to be dishonest. Consequences have been one of the banes of my life with difficult child. My difficult child has an obsessive type personality due to the spectrumish wiring. A few years ago I realized that obsessions to him played a vital role in helping keep him balanced. For him obsessions are like a drug and either too much or too little throws him seriously out of whack. For that reason in his situation, I'm much more inclined to use limits than to pull his Nintendo entirely. I don't hesitate with my older son, but with difficult child pulling it totally for any but a short period would likely cause us more problems than the good we were trying to accomplish through the action. This is where knowing your kid is going to come into play because they all need different handling. If I were you, I would start keeping a behavioral log. One other thought to toss out to you: sometimes when you see increased problems such as this it's a sign that social skills problems are increasing. Sometimes children--especially those with ride the fence or atypical diagnoses--will get along okay in the social realm when they are young and the social demands are low. Then as social demands increase struggles will set in and intensify. I'm not sure this is what you're dealing with of course, but it would be worth watching for given that you are still searching. If this is the case you should be seeing more than impulsive physical overreactions when things don't gel with his expectations. [/QUOTE]
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