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Parent Emeritus
Husband and I can't agree on what degree of detachment
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 620113" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Valentine Mom, welcome. I am glad you found us. Your story is not unlike many of ours here..........I think MWM pretty much covered all the important points, she gave you excellent advice and tools to learn detachment. There is an article at the bottom of my post here on detachment which you might find helpful. You might try reading Codependent no more by Melody Beattie. </p><p></p><p>For me and many of us here, professional support becomes necessary. I was in a weekly parent support group, saw a therapist trained in codependency issues weekly, attended 12 step CoDa groups, went to NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, (they have wonderful courses for parents that really help), I read many books and put the focus on ME and took it off of my daughter or anyone else. I amped up my self care, exercise, sleep, good nutrition, meditation, acupuncture and yoga, I did everything I could to learn to detach and <u>take care of me.</u></p><p></p><p>This is a very difficult process to be in. Detaching from our kids is a major hurt, we parents suffer in it. Your husband being a major enabler makes it so much more difficult. If he is willing, as MWM mentioned, perhaps counseling will help you two get on the same page. Our difficult child kids can wreck havoc on our relationships. Other then that, detachment from his choices will help to some degree, but if she continues to create a wedge between you, then you may be forced in to making a difficult decision. I am so sorry. You have a lot on your plate and none of it is easy. We can listen and provide you with support and options so it may be helpful for you to continue posting. Often it helps to write it all down, it clarifies it for us and makes it real. You will receive much caring support here from like minded parents who can offer empathy and understanding. Hang in there, we are here.........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 620113, member: 13542"] Valentine Mom, welcome. I am glad you found us. Your story is not unlike many of ours here..........I think MWM pretty much covered all the important points, she gave you excellent advice and tools to learn detachment. There is an article at the bottom of my post here on detachment which you might find helpful. You might try reading Codependent no more by Melody Beattie. For me and many of us here, professional support becomes necessary. I was in a weekly parent support group, saw a therapist trained in codependency issues weekly, attended 12 step CoDa groups, went to NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, (they have wonderful courses for parents that really help), I read many books and put the focus on ME and took it off of my daughter or anyone else. I amped up my self care, exercise, sleep, good nutrition, meditation, acupuncture and yoga, I did everything I could to learn to detach and [U]take care of me.[/U] This is a very difficult process to be in. Detaching from our kids is a major hurt, we parents suffer in it. Your husband being a major enabler makes it so much more difficult. If he is willing, as MWM mentioned, perhaps counseling will help you two get on the same page. Our difficult child kids can wreck havoc on our relationships. Other then that, detachment from his choices will help to some degree, but if she continues to create a wedge between you, then you may be forced in to making a difficult decision. I am so sorry. You have a lot on your plate and none of it is easy. We can listen and provide you with support and options so it may be helpful for you to continue posting. Often it helps to write it all down, it clarifies it for us and makes it real. You will receive much caring support here from like minded parents who can offer empathy and understanding. Hang in there, we are here......... [/QUOTE]
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Husband and I can't agree on what degree of detachment
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