Hello, It is helping me so much to read all of your posts. I have been having a difficult time dealing with my daughter and my husband. When my gfg26 daughter lived at home up until 1 year ago, she didn't work, didn't lift a finger, layed in bed till noon, would finally get dressed, go out for the afternoon and evening and come home around 2-3am. (I fought this constantly, to no avail) She would wear my clothes, jewelry and shoes to extend her wardrobe when I made it very clear not to, I caught her stealing money from my business cash, she constantly lied, and to give you an idea of her underhandedness, several years ago she was in a car accident that was not her fault, but she asked me for several thousand dollars for future MRI's and treatment of her ankle which she said was badly injured. I said that I would help her with what I could. Well, a few weeks later I was out to a movie, and ran into my daughter who was wearing super high strappy heels walking down the street! (with her bad ankles!) Then I found out she was going out dancing many nights of the week! I told her I was not giving any money. Through the years, we have been through numerous crazy scenario's of catching her in big lies. She threatened to break valuables in our home, feigned panic attacks to get out of getting caught lying etc. Numerous tangled problems with her. My husband has never parented with me. He wants to be the good guy. And I became the bad guy. Because his style is so mild, it has made a parenting divide, and I lost any effectiveness. How does a couple work on the degree of detachment? We can't come to an agreement on how to handle it, even though we both know something needs to be done. She is out of the house and still causing problems for us. Our daughter twists stories, and just the other day was raging that I reneged on my promise of giving her money for the MRI and the ankle!! This is several years later. I explained again why I didn't give the money, and she was fuming. She came up with a list of things I had supposedly done to really hurt her, and every one was a twisted tale of her version of what happened in each case. I have been a very giving, loving and caring mother throughout her life, and genuinely always tried to give both my kids a great, well rounded life. My husband mosly stands back when she goes into her special "rage" mode like he just doesn't know what to do, and as of yet drags his feet on the idea of detachment. Even though she is out of the house, the problems have worsened. He jumps to do almost anything for her, even at my detriment. She pits us, and he doesn't see it. It really hurts me. She wants EVERYBODY to give give give and give in to her manipulation. She wangles people with her attractiveness, smarts, and veil of (sweetness???) and gifts. Oh, and her sugar daddy boyfriend has taught her to just give people nice gifts and you can get anything you want out of them, and if he doesn't get what he wants he just threatens a lawsuit!! She gave my husband her old (but pretty new ipad) because the boyfriend keeps buying her very extravagant gifts. How could my husband possibly speak up to her now? She's so thoughtful! ( All the "stuff" has no meaning to her.) I know that she knows better. My husband knows better too. UGGH!!! This is not what I instilled in her, and I know that she has a wonderful side too, but she has been making a lot of bad choices the last several years. (No drugs or alcohol) For now, I want to detach, because I can't have a normal loving relationship with her because she doesn't want to take responsibility for herself and chooses to live in an unreality. My husband wants to act as if everything is normal, and I keep asking him to set some boundaries to keep our marriage together, but he still says it is hard for him. At my wits end, please help.