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<blockquote data-quote="Marcie Mac" data-source="post: 269613" data-attributes="member: 47"><p>Quote:</p><p>I honestly believe the disrespect I get from my two boys is due to the disrespect they have seen husband give me over the past 14 years.</p><p> </p><p>I would move that thought from a belief to an acual fact. I had a therapist tell me the exact same thing when I was having trouble in my marriage years ago. And a simple "is this the kind of relationship between two people you want your kids to emulate" was enough. The boys were 11 and 12 at the time, and gave me a lot of grief about tossing husband to the curb, but it was the best thing I have ever done for them. And yeah, its much better if children grow up in a two parent home, but I think the missing word here is STABLE. That was a favorite saying of my X - I don't want the boys comming from a "broken home" with divorced parents. My only interest was having the boys live in a stable home, and if it was with one stable parent, that was close enough for me.</p><p> </p><p>You know I am pretty much still a work in progress with my control issues - but thankfully miles away from where I once was. And will tell you straight out and admit that at times I was wresting with the control of things that people in my house did and did not do, well, that control did NOT come from a point of view that I wanted everything to run smooth and to be helpful, but from the point that I KNEW if I couldn't control whatever it happened to was, it was just going to be more carp for ME to deal with. It was "control stuff to avoid more stuff" situation. That is not even a sane thought process - and it didn't take all that long to put me on overload.</p><p> </p><p>I agree with the others to remove yourself from this situation. Something is seriously askew when things degererate into a physical altercation with a 14 year old and you guys have to be pulled off each other. Over the dang homework issue again. That is absolutely crazy behavior.... from both of you. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know anything more you can do except to call a therapist monday morning for an emergency appointment. The fact that you are not able to nag, suggest, repeat on end, fight or cry the males in your household into being more caring, more diligent, doing the right kind of thing kinda guys isn't registering.</p><p> </p><p>I hate to see you being abused, and I hate seeing you let yourself be abused. There has been numerous suggestions in the past by the board family how to get yourself out of this situation, the main one being counceling. Are you even still going??</p><p> </p><p>Hugs, I know how daunting the prospect is of being on your own, and all of the things you stand to lose, but the one thing that is too precious to lose is yourself and your sense of self worth.</p><p> </p><p>Marcie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marcie Mac, post: 269613, member: 47"] Quote: I honestly believe the disrespect I get from my two boys is due to the disrespect they have seen husband give me over the past 14 years. I would move that thought from a belief to an acual fact. I had a therapist tell me the exact same thing when I was having trouble in my marriage years ago. And a simple "is this the kind of relationship between two people you want your kids to emulate" was enough. The boys were 11 and 12 at the time, and gave me a lot of grief about tossing husband to the curb, but it was the best thing I have ever done for them. And yeah, its much better if children grow up in a two parent home, but I think the missing word here is STABLE. That was a favorite saying of my X - I don't want the boys comming from a "broken home" with divorced parents. My only interest was having the boys live in a stable home, and if it was with one stable parent, that was close enough for me. You know I am pretty much still a work in progress with my control issues - but thankfully miles away from where I once was. And will tell you straight out and admit that at times I was wresting with the control of things that people in my house did and did not do, well, that control did NOT come from a point of view that I wanted everything to run smooth and to be helpful, but from the point that I KNEW if I couldn't control whatever it happened to was, it was just going to be more carp for ME to deal with. It was "control stuff to avoid more stuff" situation. That is not even a sane thought process - and it didn't take all that long to put me on overload. I agree with the others to remove yourself from this situation. Something is seriously askew when things degererate into a physical altercation with a 14 year old and you guys have to be pulled off each other. Over the dang homework issue again. That is absolutely crazy behavior.... from both of you. I don't know anything more you can do except to call a therapist monday morning for an emergency appointment. The fact that you are not able to nag, suggest, repeat on end, fight or cry the males in your household into being more caring, more diligent, doing the right kind of thing kinda guys isn't registering. I hate to see you being abused, and I hate seeing you let yourself be abused. There has been numerous suggestions in the past by the board family how to get yourself out of this situation, the main one being counceling. Are you even still going?? Hugs, I know how daunting the prospect is of being on your own, and all of the things you stand to lose, but the one thing that is too precious to lose is yourself and your sense of self worth. Marcie [/QUOTE]
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