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husband is literally driving me insane
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 409905" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I hope that the therapist is able to get him to see that he is part of the problem. Demanding that you stay awake the hours he is home when you also have to handle very difficult kids during the day is simply ridiculous. He seems to have a very strong need for his own way. You are pretty bullheaded that way too, but you seem to be more willing to compromise.</p><p> </p><p>As for him getting up and wandering all night - you are not going to be able to get him to stop that because it is his way of demanding your attention. This is not a battle to approach head on. </p><p> </p><p>My mother has an absolutely awesome phrase that is perfect for problems like this. It is not rude, sarcastic or insincere in any way. It is another way of approaching the problem.</p><p> </p><p><strong>Physical solutions for physical problems.</strong></p><p> </p><p>You are being awakened by the sounds of him walking around, opening and closing doors, playing the tv, etc.....</p><p> </p><p>Basically the sounds of him being up are waking you up. Today you are to go to Walmart or the drug store. March yourself to the pharmacy area in the aisle with the contact lens solution. Buy yourself some earplugs. I like Flent brand - cheap, effective and comfortable. I have used them quite often when husband was keeping me up at night by making noise. </p><p> </p><p>Turning on lights could also be a problem. While you are at the store find a cheap eyemask - not the kind you keep in the fridge, just a simply cloth mask to cover your eyes. If they don't have one that is affordable, go to the fabric section and get some black or dark blue fleece for blankets. I like dark colors but if you use 2 layers of the polar fleece type fabric you can use lighter colors. You will need 1/8 yard or less. Also get some elastic to sew on. Needle and thread if you don't have those at home. Don't worry - no major construction needed.</p><p> </p><p>Cut the fabric into a piece wide enough to cover your eyes and part of your forehead - about 3 inches wide and long enough to go at least from temple to temple. Can be longer if you want. Sew the end of the elastic onto the fabric on the side. It needs to be firmly attached but it should only take 6 or 8 stitches. Then hold the mask over your eyes and stretch the elastic so that it meets the other end of the fabric (elastic goes behind your head). This is to figure out how long the elastic needs to be. Cut the elastic to about an inch longer than needed and sew it onto the other side of the mask. If you cannot sew this, use safety pins to hold the elastic to the mask. </p><p> </p><p>Then when you go to bed put the mask on and the earplugs in. Then let husband go make all the noise he wants. If he gets the kids up then let him handle them. </p><p> </p><p>I am NOT saying that these will solve the marital problems. They won't. You two have a TON to work out if you are going to stay together. but this WILL solve the problem of him being awake late at night and you desperately needing sleep. You and he have to reach some kind of schedule so that he can feel like part of the family and still be able to work the hours that he needs to work. He won't have to tiptoe around or wake you up. He will be able to get something out of a cabinet or open a door without the light or sound waking you up. </p><p> </p><p>I really hope that you can figure out a way to reach a compromise. Being married is really hard work, even if you have no baggage from your past. when you add in kids, esp when one is a teen, and exes and pets etc... It gets even more complicated. When one of those kids is a difficult child - WHOA!! it is then a herculean taks to stay married. </p><p> </p><p>I really hope that you both find a way to be truly happy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 409905, member: 1233"] I hope that the therapist is able to get him to see that he is part of the problem. Demanding that you stay awake the hours he is home when you also have to handle very difficult kids during the day is simply ridiculous. He seems to have a very strong need for his own way. You are pretty bullheaded that way too, but you seem to be more willing to compromise. As for him getting up and wandering all night - you are not going to be able to get him to stop that because it is his way of demanding your attention. This is not a battle to approach head on. My mother has an absolutely awesome phrase that is perfect for problems like this. It is not rude, sarcastic or insincere in any way. It is another way of approaching the problem. [B]Physical solutions for physical problems.[/B] You are being awakened by the sounds of him walking around, opening and closing doors, playing the tv, etc..... Basically the sounds of him being up are waking you up. Today you are to go to Walmart or the drug store. March yourself to the pharmacy area in the aisle with the contact lens solution. Buy yourself some earplugs. I like Flent brand - cheap, effective and comfortable. I have used them quite often when husband was keeping me up at night by making noise. Turning on lights could also be a problem. While you are at the store find a cheap eyemask - not the kind you keep in the fridge, just a simply cloth mask to cover your eyes. If they don't have one that is affordable, go to the fabric section and get some black or dark blue fleece for blankets. I like dark colors but if you use 2 layers of the polar fleece type fabric you can use lighter colors. You will need 1/8 yard or less. Also get some elastic to sew on. Needle and thread if you don't have those at home. Don't worry - no major construction needed. Cut the fabric into a piece wide enough to cover your eyes and part of your forehead - about 3 inches wide and long enough to go at least from temple to temple. Can be longer if you want. Sew the end of the elastic onto the fabric on the side. It needs to be firmly attached but it should only take 6 or 8 stitches. Then hold the mask over your eyes and stretch the elastic so that it meets the other end of the fabric (elastic goes behind your head). This is to figure out how long the elastic needs to be. Cut the elastic to about an inch longer than needed and sew it onto the other side of the mask. If you cannot sew this, use safety pins to hold the elastic to the mask. Then when you go to bed put the mask on and the earplugs in. Then let husband go make all the noise he wants. If he gets the kids up then let him handle them. I am NOT saying that these will solve the marital problems. They won't. You two have a TON to work out if you are going to stay together. but this WILL solve the problem of him being awake late at night and you desperately needing sleep. You and he have to reach some kind of schedule so that he can feel like part of the family and still be able to work the hours that he needs to work. He won't have to tiptoe around or wake you up. He will be able to get something out of a cabinet or open a door without the light or sound waking you up. I really hope that you can figure out a way to reach a compromise. Being married is really hard work, even if you have no baggage from your past. when you add in kids, esp when one is a teen, and exes and pets etc... It gets even more complicated. When one of those kids is a difficult child - WHOA!! it is then a herculean taks to stay married. I really hope that you both find a way to be truly happy. [/QUOTE]
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