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husband isn't coping well
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 582370" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Unfortunately it seems that supports specially available for family of crime victims are group thingies (<strong>not</strong> working in our situation.) We have much less of counselling, therapy and support groups available anyway, part of culture I guess. So I think I will angle to parental relationship direction and try to locate family therapist and sell it to husband as difficult child needing to feel supported by his dad (whom he looks up to) specially in this situation, their bit strained relationship getting in the way of that and pointing out that in this situation it's not reasonable to expect difficult child to be the one who starts building that bridge and husband needing to both take the first step and probably also do most of the work after that. And that he could use some help and advise how to do that.</p><p></p><p>We have in the past talked about husband's need to be a fixer and him getting frustrated if thinks don't fix themselves right away. He does admit that to certain degree and with easy child he mostly does okay. Same with me too, but I have to more often remind him that I understand there is nothing to be fixed but I would like to be comforted anyhow. With difficult child husband just tends to easily work himself up and become too upset to reflect his own behaviour.</p><p></p><p>Buddy, I'm in fact keeping myself quite busy at the moment. I have my work, my exercising, my college course, my dogs, my rented horse evening once a week and my new (old) hobby handball. And of course we have kitchen reno that is about to begin (and having to cook freezer full so we don't end up eating pizza and chinese for two months.) And top of that I have spent all the free moments I may have had cleaning closets, so soon I will have clean and organized closets first time after just before difficult child's birth (I had month of maternity leave before he was born and was bored silly and they said that cleaning (and some other activities) helped to start the labor.) In the other words I'm afraid that if I stop and sit down to the couch I may just stay there weeping and never get back up again. I think that when I will feel little more stable I will have to do just that. Preferably take a weekend and go to our cabin alone and just sit down and weep (and drink a bottle of vodka.) But that has to wait until I'm sure I can get back up at Sunday night, dry my tears and go on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 582370, member: 14557"] Unfortunately it seems that supports specially available for family of crime victims are group thingies ([B]not[/B] working in our situation.) We have much less of counselling, therapy and support groups available anyway, part of culture I guess. So I think I will angle to parental relationship direction and try to locate family therapist and sell it to husband as difficult child needing to feel supported by his dad (whom he looks up to) specially in this situation, their bit strained relationship getting in the way of that and pointing out that in this situation it's not reasonable to expect difficult child to be the one who starts building that bridge and husband needing to both take the first step and probably also do most of the work after that. And that he could use some help and advise how to do that. We have in the past talked about husband's need to be a fixer and him getting frustrated if thinks don't fix themselves right away. He does admit that to certain degree and with easy child he mostly does okay. Same with me too, but I have to more often remind him that I understand there is nothing to be fixed but I would like to be comforted anyhow. With difficult child husband just tends to easily work himself up and become too upset to reflect his own behaviour. Buddy, I'm in fact keeping myself quite busy at the moment. I have my work, my exercising, my college course, my dogs, my rented horse evening once a week and my new (old) hobby handball. And of course we have kitchen reno that is about to begin (and having to cook freezer full so we don't end up eating pizza and chinese for two months.) And top of that I have spent all the free moments I may have had cleaning closets, so soon I will have clean and organized closets first time after just before difficult child's birth (I had month of maternity leave before he was born and was bored silly and they said that cleaning (and some other activities) helped to start the labor.) In the other words I'm afraid that if I stop and sit down to the couch I may just stay there weeping and never get back up again. I think that when I will feel little more stable I will have to do just that. Preferably take a weekend and go to our cabin alone and just sit down and weep (and drink a bottle of vodka.) But that has to wait until I'm sure I can get back up at Sunday night, dry my tears and go on. [/QUOTE]
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