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Substance Abuse
husband just doesn't get it....
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<blockquote data-quote="So Tired" data-source="post: 161688" data-attributes="member: 4772"><p>Thank you all for your support and ideas!</p><p> </p><p><strong>MB</strong> - Thanks for a great idea. We had to delay "the talk" a night but it worked out better because husband and I were able to have a discussion about what we were going to say and where we were drawing the line. It work out much better to have a solid front going in.</p><p> </p><p><strong>Everywoman</strong> - your words were such a comfort to me. I teared up 'cause you made me feel less alone...</p><p> </p><p><strong>Mustang Chick</strong> - I think getting husband to a support meeting was a great idea. I have this forum to help me see my enabling actions, maybe that would help husband see that difficult child NEEDS us to be firm in our boundries.</p><p> </p><p><strong>Susie</strong> - Thanks for the support! It helps so much!</p><p> </p><p><strong>Star</strong> - Yes I researched the pop can thing online. It is sad when your hope is that it is "only" pot...Thanks for the other "clues" of what to look for. I wll remain vigulent.</p><p> </p><p><strong>Here we go</strong> - I love how you worded it. I am going to quote that to husband!</p><p> </p><p>Now to the outcome. We had the meeting. difficult child sat down with husband and myself. I actually wrote up index cards with bullet points so I wouldn't forget anything and it would be "official"</p><p> </p><p></p><p><strong>Respect our home:</strong> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">no drinking or drugs will be tolerated</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">pick up after yourself</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">pay your share - difficult child must give us $20/week towards expenses</li> </ul><p><strong>Respect our family:</strong> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Talk nicely - don't be abusive.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">no cursing at us!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">respect our things (difficult child keeps borrowing phone charger, ipod cable etc. cause he is a slob and can never find his)</li> </ul><p><strong>Respect yourself:</strong> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Seek couseling! (This met with the most resistance and we spoke at length about it. difficult child just doesn't think he needs help or is afraid to trust psychiatrist or something. I told him his inabilty to keep his emotions in check affects the whole houshold and that if he wants to continue living here it is his resposibility to work on that issue. At the very least he needs to do the 10 psychiatrist visits that our insurance approved, and he will be paying the $50 for last week's no show)</li> </ul><p>It was all very calm. difficult child was willing to listen and was in one of his more logic moods. husband and I projected unified front (although secrectly I know he would have a hard time throwing the kid out and I would like to go upstairs right now and start packing up his room!) I was happy that I stayed calm and didn't get emotional (probably the prozac talking there!!)</p><p> </p><p>Bottom line -- breaking of the afore stated rules will mean the end of living here. I asked difficult child if he wanted my index card for reference LOL! He laughed also and said he knew what was expected, but I think maybe I will copy and post on his bedroom door. </p><p> </p><p>Till he proves himself we told him he was here on a week to week basis and that we will talk next week to see if there will be a second week.</p><p> </p><p>It all went very well, but of course difficult child always knows the right things to say -- it will be another matter if he follows through..</p><p> </p><p>his decision, his consequences.</p><p> </p><p>Again, thank you all for taking the time to offer support and ideas - It really helps to feel like you have "someone in your corner"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="So Tired, post: 161688, member: 4772"] Thank you all for your support and ideas! [B]MB[/B] - Thanks for a great idea. We had to delay "the talk" a night but it worked out better because husband and I were able to have a discussion about what we were going to say and where we were drawing the line. It work out much better to have a solid front going in. [B]Everywoman[/B] - your words were such a comfort to me. I teared up 'cause you made me feel less alone... [B]Mustang Chick[/B] - I think getting husband to a support meeting was a great idea. I have this forum to help me see my enabling actions, maybe that would help husband see that difficult child NEEDS us to be firm in our boundries. [B]Susie[/B] - Thanks for the support! It helps so much! [B]Star[/B] - Yes I researched the pop can thing online. It is sad when your hope is that it is "only" pot...Thanks for the other "clues" of what to look for. I wll remain vigulent. [B]Here we go[/B] - I love how you worded it. I am going to quote that to husband! Now to the outcome. We had the meeting. difficult child sat down with husband and myself. I actually wrote up index cards with bullet points so I wouldn't forget anything and it would be "official" [B]Respect our home:[/B][LIST] [*]no drinking or drugs will be tolerated [*]pick up after yourself [*]pay your share - difficult child must give us $20/week towards expenses[/LIST][B]Respect our family:[/B][LIST] [*]Talk nicely - don't be abusive. [*]no cursing at us! [*]respect our things (difficult child keeps borrowing phone charger, ipod cable etc. cause he is a slob and can never find his)[/LIST][B]Respect yourself:[/B][LIST] [*]Seek couseling! (This met with the most resistance and we spoke at length about it. difficult child just doesn't think he needs help or is afraid to trust psychiatrist or something. I told him his inabilty to keep his emotions in check affects the whole houshold and that if he wants to continue living here it is his resposibility to work on that issue. At the very least he needs to do the 10 psychiatrist visits that our insurance approved, and he will be paying the $50 for last week's no show)[/LIST]It was all very calm. difficult child was willing to listen and was in one of his more logic moods. husband and I projected unified front (although secrectly I know he would have a hard time throwing the kid out and I would like to go upstairs right now and start packing up his room!) I was happy that I stayed calm and didn't get emotional (probably the prozac talking there!!) Bottom line -- breaking of the afore stated rules will mean the end of living here. I asked difficult child if he wanted my index card for reference LOL! He laughed also and said he knew what was expected, but I think maybe I will copy and post on his bedroom door. Till he proves himself we told him he was here on a week to week basis and that we will talk next week to see if there will be a second week. It all went very well, but of course difficult child always knows the right things to say -- it will be another matter if he follows through.. his decision, his consequences. Again, thank you all for taking the time to offer support and ideas - It really helps to feel like you have "someone in your corner" [/QUOTE]
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