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husband just left to take difficult child to the hospital
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 464476" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Sending lots of hugs and support. You have done the right thing by taking him to the hospital. </p><p></p><p>This is going to be very hard. You are going to HAVE to keep telling people that while difficult child is important, he is NOT the only important one in the home. Wiz was unsafe for a long time, largely because a lot of places told us that we were not eligible for help for him, or for us. Took a whole lot of pushiness and some very difficult conversations to get the help we all needed.</p><p></p><p>LOTS of the people involved will get wrapped up in what difficult child "needs". Those needs could devour not just your life, but also the lives of your kids. The hardest thing we had to do while gettng help was to get the tdocs, psychiatrists, experts and others to realize that the other children were equally as important as Wiz. I had more htan one or two "experts" tell me to give my other two up for adoption. They were NOT joking. One even had paperwork for me to fill out to turn them over. I had a fit and raised so much stink that her boss was scared of me.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion it is important to get help for difficult child, but it is MORE important to keep the other kids protected. I KNOW how hard it is to tell a child that he can't live iwth you, that you love him with all of your heart but he cannot live iwth you because the danger to the other kids in the family. Wiz was 14 when I insisted on pressing charges and not letting him return to our home to live. He ended up with my parents, and has turned things around and he was incredibly dangerous to us, esp to Jess and I. Wiz is now almost 20 and has a great relationship with Jess and thank you. But I am still learning of things that the kids didn't tell me. Like the fact that by the age of five or six my daughter started to believe that she would die at her brother's hands before she was 16. She just turned 16 and finally was able to verbalize that. It explains why she NEVER spoke of what she wanted to be when she grew up. She figured she had no reason to dream about that, so why open up to the pain of not being able to accomplish a dream? </p><p></p><p>You MUST put safety as the TOP priority in the home. Put alarms on the younger kids doors. If they have to potty in the night, you will wake up, but you will also wake up if he goes in to hurt them. SOmehow get through that they MUST start screaming if he touches them in a bad way. Alarm HIS room so that if he leaves you will know. Set the alarm after he is in bed - from the outside. Check the batteries EVERY NIGHT because taking them out is a favorite trick taht they all seem to learn.</p><p></p><p>Every time he is unsafe you need to follow a written safety plan. It has to be written because chances are child protection will be called in. You have to show them how you plan to keep the other two safe - alarms and a plan for who goes where and what happens when he is unsafe in any of various ways will keep your younger two in your custody. Sick as it sounds, child protection will say that they will take your OTHER children away if you "let" difficult child hurt them - but they won't take difficult child. This is because it is hard to place a difficult child and not as hard to place two pcs. So don't fall for that threat. Insist that they get involved and provide services for the entire family.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you have to cope with all of this. Be sure that ALL of you see a therapist - not just difficult child, not just you, each one of you needs help handling this. For safety you may even have to move the younger kids into your bedroom until you can find a placement for difficult child and get the help he needs. It sure isn't fun, but what he is doing to them is so dangerous on so many levels and you have to keep them safe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 464476, member: 1233"] Sending lots of hugs and support. You have done the right thing by taking him to the hospital. This is going to be very hard. You are going to HAVE to keep telling people that while difficult child is important, he is NOT the only important one in the home. Wiz was unsafe for a long time, largely because a lot of places told us that we were not eligible for help for him, or for us. Took a whole lot of pushiness and some very difficult conversations to get the help we all needed. LOTS of the people involved will get wrapped up in what difficult child "needs". Those needs could devour not just your life, but also the lives of your kids. The hardest thing we had to do while gettng help was to get the tdocs, psychiatrists, experts and others to realize that the other children were equally as important as Wiz. I had more htan one or two "experts" tell me to give my other two up for adoption. They were NOT joking. One even had paperwork for me to fill out to turn them over. I had a fit and raised so much stink that her boss was scared of me. in my opinion it is important to get help for difficult child, but it is MORE important to keep the other kids protected. I KNOW how hard it is to tell a child that he can't live iwth you, that you love him with all of your heart but he cannot live iwth you because the danger to the other kids in the family. Wiz was 14 when I insisted on pressing charges and not letting him return to our home to live. He ended up with my parents, and has turned things around and he was incredibly dangerous to us, esp to Jess and I. Wiz is now almost 20 and has a great relationship with Jess and thank you. But I am still learning of things that the kids didn't tell me. Like the fact that by the age of five or six my daughter started to believe that she would die at her brother's hands before she was 16. She just turned 16 and finally was able to verbalize that. It explains why she NEVER spoke of what she wanted to be when she grew up. She figured she had no reason to dream about that, so why open up to the pain of not being able to accomplish a dream? You MUST put safety as the TOP priority in the home. Put alarms on the younger kids doors. If they have to potty in the night, you will wake up, but you will also wake up if he goes in to hurt them. SOmehow get through that they MUST start screaming if he touches them in a bad way. Alarm HIS room so that if he leaves you will know. Set the alarm after he is in bed - from the outside. Check the batteries EVERY NIGHT because taking them out is a favorite trick taht they all seem to learn. Every time he is unsafe you need to follow a written safety plan. It has to be written because chances are child protection will be called in. You have to show them how you plan to keep the other two safe - alarms and a plan for who goes where and what happens when he is unsafe in any of various ways will keep your younger two in your custody. Sick as it sounds, child protection will say that they will take your OTHER children away if you "let" difficult child hurt them - but they won't take difficult child. This is because it is hard to place a difficult child and not as hard to place two pcs. So don't fall for that threat. Insist that they get involved and provide services for the entire family. I am so sorry you have to cope with all of this. Be sure that ALL of you see a therapist - not just difficult child, not just you, each one of you needs help handling this. For safety you may even have to move the younger kids into your bedroom until you can find a placement for difficult child and get the help he needs. It sure isn't fun, but what he is doing to them is so dangerous on so many levels and you have to keep them safe. [/QUOTE]
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