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husband lied to me
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<blockquote data-quote="Running_for_the_shelter" data-source="post: 407783" data-attributes="member: 2960"><p>You said "...he's lied in the past before tends to changes stories that's always been his MOand yes i put up with it." Why would he ever stop? It's been working for him. And whatever weird relationship he and his ex have is still there. It's still there, you haven't left, and the price he pays for having both of you isn't too high for him. Is having him in your life worth the price you're paying? You're the only one who can know that deep inside. There's also the question of -- what are you teaching the children? My mother put up with bad behavior so my sister and I learned to put up with bad behavior. Took years for me to figure out alternatives and I am making a point of telling my daughter that you always need to be able to walk away from anyone, anything. </p><p></p><p>If having this man in your life is worth the lies and the continued relationship with his ex, then search inside yourself to find things that will give you sufficient pleasure or peace to make up for it and develop deeper relationships with other people so you have support. I'm thinking family, friends, church groups, etc rather than finding your own boyfriend but I realize some people choose that route, too -- I just couldn't do it. But you do need emotional support that you aren't going to get where you are. </p><p></p><p>If you really don't want to live this way, then make it clear you won't. Talk to a lawyer on the QT first to figure out how to protect your assets and ensure access to your share of them. Offer to go to counseling with husband or just tell him one of you is moving out until he makes his choice. The problem with an ultimatum is that you have to be prepared to follow through on it ... which means you have had to do enough soul-searching to make that commitment. </p><p></p><p>The situation and his behavior aren't going to change on their own, as this is a long-standing issue (as I understand it). Sometimes the only way to win is not to play.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Running_for_the_shelter, post: 407783, member: 2960"] You said "...he's lied in the past before tends to changes stories that's always been his MOand yes i put up with it." Why would he ever stop? It's been working for him. And whatever weird relationship he and his ex have is still there. It's still there, you haven't left, and the price he pays for having both of you isn't too high for him. Is having him in your life worth the price you're paying? You're the only one who can know that deep inside. There's also the question of -- what are you teaching the children? My mother put up with bad behavior so my sister and I learned to put up with bad behavior. Took years for me to figure out alternatives and I am making a point of telling my daughter that you always need to be able to walk away from anyone, anything. If having this man in your life is worth the lies and the continued relationship with his ex, then search inside yourself to find things that will give you sufficient pleasure or peace to make up for it and develop deeper relationships with other people so you have support. I'm thinking family, friends, church groups, etc rather than finding your own boyfriend but I realize some people choose that route, too -- I just couldn't do it. But you do need emotional support that you aren't going to get where you are. If you really don't want to live this way, then make it clear you won't. Talk to a lawyer on the QT first to figure out how to protect your assets and ensure access to your share of them. Offer to go to counseling with husband or just tell him one of you is moving out until he makes his choice. The problem with an ultimatum is that you have to be prepared to follow through on it ... which means you have had to do enough soul-searching to make that commitment. The situation and his behavior aren't going to change on their own, as this is a long-standing issue (as I understand it). Sometimes the only way to win is not to play. [/QUOTE]
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