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husband lied to me
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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 408035" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>Jen - I have a slightly odd point of view on the whole feelings thing.</p><p> </p><p>One of my friends was freaking out because she was <em>convinced</em> her husband was still "in love" with his ex. Since he is a friend, too, I was talking to him at the same time via text, and he couldn't figure out what was wrong with his wife. Anyway, I realized something that actually helped me with <em>my</em> husband.</p><p> </p><p>She is the <em>mother</em> of his children. There will <em>always</em> be something there. <em>Always</em> - even if he really doesn't <em>like</em> her. husband and I discussed this - and he agrees. He really, <em>really, <strong>really</strong> </em>does not like BM. But he doesn't hate her - he hates what she does to the kids. It's splitting hairs, but it's true. And husband loves Onyxx and Jett to distraction. So... There's a tiny bit of him that wishes things were different. And it will always be that way. But he's happy with me. And my friend's husband is happy with her. <em>Not</em> his ex.</p><p> </p><p>I have heard that the one who does the leaving, has a harder time dealing with it. And I can tell you from first hand experience - it's true. It took me a long time to realize that XH and I just were not meant to be H & W. BM has a difficult time with it - her current H bears a striking resemblance to husband - even grew a goatee, hair cut is the same... (Poor Onyxx, is all I can say.) And she keeps throwing at husband that she "knows" he "still loves her". (Umm, OK, lady.) She used to tell the kids this is why he was such an a** to her. (Strangely enough, he avoided contact with her at all... because of her garbage.) But it's impossible for him to totally avoid her... because the courts mandated that she pick up the kids at our house, instead of the visitation center that was a great place.</p><p> </p><p>I figured it out, though, one day when she came to pick up both kids (before Onyxx refused to visit anymore)... And he had to speak to her... And I saw the way he looked at her... Versus the way he looks at me. And I knew then I had nothing to worry about.</p><p> </p><p>Keep in mind, hon, that your husband loves his kids. Of course, with them only being there 2 nights a week, here on the board we hear more about difficult child and easy child. But he does love them. And she IS, no matter what else, their mother.</p><p> </p><p>And he honestly may have been trying to keep you from getting even angrier.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 408035, member: 6705"] Jen - I have a slightly odd point of view on the whole feelings thing. One of my friends was freaking out because she was [I]convinced[/I] her husband was still "in love" with his ex. Since he is a friend, too, I was talking to him at the same time via text, and he couldn't figure out what was wrong with his wife. Anyway, I realized something that actually helped me with [I]my[/I] husband. She is the [I]mother[/I] of his children. There will [I]always[/I] be something there. [I]Always[/I] - even if he really doesn't [I]like[/I] her. husband and I discussed this - and he agrees. He really, [I]really, [B]really[/B] [/I]does not like BM. But he doesn't hate her - he hates what she does to the kids. It's splitting hairs, but it's true. And husband loves Onyxx and Jett to distraction. So... There's a tiny bit of him that wishes things were different. And it will always be that way. But he's happy with me. And my friend's husband is happy with her. [I]Not[/I] his ex. I have heard that the one who does the leaving, has a harder time dealing with it. And I can tell you from first hand experience - it's true. It took me a long time to realize that XH and I just were not meant to be H & W. BM has a difficult time with it - her current H bears a striking resemblance to husband - even grew a goatee, hair cut is the same... (Poor Onyxx, is all I can say.) And she keeps throwing at husband that she "knows" he "still loves her". (Umm, OK, lady.) She used to tell the kids this is why he was such an a** to her. (Strangely enough, he avoided contact with her at all... because of her garbage.) But it's impossible for him to totally avoid her... because the courts mandated that she pick up the kids at our house, instead of the visitation center that was a great place. I figured it out, though, one day when she came to pick up both kids (before Onyxx refused to visit anymore)... And he had to speak to her... And I saw the way he looked at her... Versus the way he looks at me. And I knew then I had nothing to worry about. Keep in mind, hon, that your husband loves his kids. Of course, with them only being there 2 nights a week, here on the board we hear more about difficult child and easy child. But he does love them. And she IS, no matter what else, their mother. And he honestly may have been trying to keep you from getting even angrier. [/QUOTE]
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