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husband's family.....total stress
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 377258" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Well as much as a island would be lovely (Can we send some of my clan too .... purdy pwease????) ... I have to say I'm very happy you have a husband who loves his family but stands up for his spouse. It is a tricky situation in best of times, but can be so much worse when a spouse doesn't know how to stand up for his own partner in the face of family. </p><p></p><p>I think you've got the right idea, simply telling your husband that you can't keep doing these family get togethers when it always ends the same. Seeing as he stands for you, I am betting he is saddened it is this way but probably fully understands. I suggest sticking to your guns. If you do attend some stuff, do it when you know you have the patience and the mental blocking ability to do so without letting it bother you. Perhaps the odd time when it is not a big event for all of you (Not you, husband's or kids birthdays, not Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter etc). That way no big memories and special holidays are ruined for you and the kids and husband. </p><p></p><p>Eventually these people might see husband seeing them but not on special occassions where you all spend it together, without them. And if they miss it enough, they may be motivated to be civil to you. And if not, you and husband can know you can't control them. People like this just drive me nuts. Is the family still wishing he was with this ex of his? As for her texting for personal reasons? YUCK! And her calling your father in law to complain about YOU? Double YUCK!!! A good answer for husband to his dad etc can be a simple "She's an ex for a reason and her perspective on my WIFE is not likely to be a clear one. She's terrific as a wife AND to my children and that's that. I refuse to have these conversations or entertain the idiocy". As for the ex, sounds like she needs to be told, if she hasn't been directly told and is choosing to ignore it, that she IS an ex, YOU are his wife, NO personal texts are appropriate, and then that's that". Something tells me she's just a bitter thorn in the side that will persist anyhow. I'd just delete her messages unread, and tell her if personal texts are coming in that don't involve important things about this kid, its her own fault if something important is missed since all texts are immediatly deleted without being read. Unless and until she states directly that texts will be used for necessary communication re: the kids. </p><p></p><p>Let her talk to husband's family and say what she wants, if she chooses and they choose. In the end, you and your husband can just opt right out. It sure stinks they aren't giving you a chance and it must be hard on all of you for obvious reasons. Just enjoy each other and do what it takes to let them live their bitterness but not let it pull you all in. </p><p></p><p>I like the sound of your husband <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 377258, member: 4264"] Well as much as a island would be lovely (Can we send some of my clan too .... purdy pwease????) ... I have to say I'm very happy you have a husband who loves his family but stands up for his spouse. It is a tricky situation in best of times, but can be so much worse when a spouse doesn't know how to stand up for his own partner in the face of family. I think you've got the right idea, simply telling your husband that you can't keep doing these family get togethers when it always ends the same. Seeing as he stands for you, I am betting he is saddened it is this way but probably fully understands. I suggest sticking to your guns. If you do attend some stuff, do it when you know you have the patience and the mental blocking ability to do so without letting it bother you. Perhaps the odd time when it is not a big event for all of you (Not you, husband's or kids birthdays, not Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter etc). That way no big memories and special holidays are ruined for you and the kids and husband. Eventually these people might see husband seeing them but not on special occassions where you all spend it together, without them. And if they miss it enough, they may be motivated to be civil to you. And if not, you and husband can know you can't control them. People like this just drive me nuts. Is the family still wishing he was with this ex of his? As for her texting for personal reasons? YUCK! And her calling your father in law to complain about YOU? Double YUCK!!! A good answer for husband to his dad etc can be a simple "She's an ex for a reason and her perspective on my WIFE is not likely to be a clear one. She's terrific as a wife AND to my children and that's that. I refuse to have these conversations or entertain the idiocy". As for the ex, sounds like she needs to be told, if she hasn't been directly told and is choosing to ignore it, that she IS an ex, YOU are his wife, NO personal texts are appropriate, and then that's that". Something tells me she's just a bitter thorn in the side that will persist anyhow. I'd just delete her messages unread, and tell her if personal texts are coming in that don't involve important things about this kid, its her own fault if something important is missed since all texts are immediatly deleted without being read. Unless and until she states directly that texts will be used for necessary communication re: the kids. Let her talk to husband's family and say what she wants, if she chooses and they choose. In the end, you and your husband can just opt right out. It sure stinks they aren't giving you a chance and it must be hard on all of you for obvious reasons. Just enjoy each other and do what it takes to let them live their bitterness but not let it pull you all in. I like the sound of your husband :) [/QUOTE]
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