husband's Utter Stupidity

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Nov 10, 2008.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    My husband's utter stupidity, or laziness, or combination of both is truely wearing on my last nerve. So beware ladies.......This is a vent regarding husband. :mad:

    In 25 yrs my husband has never learned to maintain a vehicle. He knows how to do it, just is too lazy to do it. I stopped letting him "repair" cars when I realized all he did was distroy them, or cost us 3 times as much to fix not only the original problem, but all the others husband created while attempting to fix it.

    Well.......back in the spring husband hit a deer. Messed up his Kia pretty good. husband wanted sister in law to fix it. I asked husband if he turned the accident into the insurance. No. Did he file a report with the sheriff? No. He didn't do either with the excuse our deductable is too high and he'd wind up having to pay for it anyway. A lie. He was just too lazy to bother. His car, his problem. sister in law adjusted things and removed unecessary broken things and got his car running again, although it no longer looks pretty.

    So 2 weeks ago I come home and Travis is sitting on the porch. husband's kia is in the drive with the hood up. (insert inward groan of agony here) Travis tells me he had to call a cab because husband's car had blown up. I was furious. Turned out not to be the case, but if it would've been the 2nd car husband blew up the engine on due to neglect.

    husband starts harassing me to have sister in law look at it for him. And this is all I've heard for 2 weeks. sister in law did come over and look at it. husband had let all of the tranmission fluid and oil run dry! :angry-very: sister in law told him to fill them up and he ought to be fine. (knowing that whatever damage husband did was done and there wasn't anything he could do about it) husband fills them up. Drives to work the next day and once again starts harrassing me to have sister in law work on it.

    Now sister in law barely tolerates husband. husband has never done anything for sister in law. Ever. Favors sister in law does for husband, he's really doing for ME. sister in law doesn't like the way husband treats me or the kids. Also sister in law works 3rd shift. 7pm until 7am. husband expects him to drop his whole life and come over here and work on his car. And when sister in law doesn't or can't.......I get to listen to a 60 yr old having temper tantrums. Lovely.

    So all week I've delt with husband temper. Sunday husband gets it thru his head the problem is his plugs and wires. (sister in law has already changed them once) He wanted sister in law to do it sunday even though I explained for the umpteenth time sister in law can't do involved stuff on days he works. And I told husband that sister in law might look at it when he came over on his way to his Mom's for dinner cuz he was stopping by to remove the air conditioner from the livingroom window. Not 10 mins later I hear the God awful grinding from the livingroom....husband ripped the air conditioner out of the window.:mad::angry-very: Travis said he bent the frame of the window.

    I know husband is POed to the max that if anything around here needs fixed I've gotten into the habit of asking sister in law. Sorry. I got tired of husband either half *ssing the job, making it worse, or waiting forever to have him never do it!

    I'd ignore the whole car thing and make husband deal with it except he has to have the car to work. (and I have enough trouble keeping him employed as it is!) So he's using my car dammit. And that I don't like one bit!!! So when I asked easy child to please have sister in law come and do those stupid plugs and points again on his day off to remind him he's doing it so that I can have my car back before husband distroys it too.:angry-very::faint:

    Two more years and he's so outta here. I find myself counting the minutes.

  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Daisy, I don't know what to say. Just sending a hug and wishes for better days to come. Quickly!

    Feel better!

  3. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am so sorry. He kinda sounds like my husband before medications. Thank god for medications. No chance of him getting evaluated?

    Go take a hot bath and read a book, or go punch a pillow. That helps too. I am rather fond of target practice (either gun or bow) when I am really pi**ed, it is a great stress releaver. I love to blow things up. Shooting at milk jugs full of water. Yah, that is good for me. Just picture an over weight middle aged woman shooting a 22 at a milk jug, missing 30 times and then finally hitting it. That would be me.
  4. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sending some giant hugs and some soothing juju.

  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry he's being such a poop. Sending many hugs and extra strength.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending major hugs. My husband blew an engine on a car that my parents GAVE us free and clear. He kept telling me he was checking the oil, but he was checking the transmission fluid. The RED color would tip most people off, wouldn't you think? I finally found a full serve gas station where husband can get the fluids checked (It is about a nickel a gallon more) and I give THEM instructions on the cars, since I can't fix them anymore.

    At least we no longer have my bro doing drunken auto repair. Want to talk about EXPENSIVE?? When he would 'help' me with the car it usually took an extra week AND about four times the cost. Even for simple spark plugs it could take a couple of hundred dollars!!!(Still never figured out what he did that ended up costing me that much!)

    I am sorry he is driving you crazy. I hope the time until your degree is done flies by. Al Anon might help you learn not to take some of the tantrums so personally. It did help me with my husband (and he is not and never has been an alcoholic, but my grandparents were and the habits filter down through the generations).

  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    So sorry.
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    We need a boot emoticon and your husband needs a swift kick in the rear. He tore out the AC because he couldn't have his way? I think I'd be locking the man out of the house until he got some medications and a complete attitude adjustment. Sorry, that, to me, is a violent act and I don't tolerate violence very well.

    You're lucky your sister in law loves you so much. I'm surprised he's willing to do anything that even remotely helps this do-do head.

    For you, some hugs.
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Any chance sister in law can conveniently "break" your car (or tell you how) for a time and husband will have to take a cab until his is fixed? At least that way he wouldn't be in yours...
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    You know -

    There are these things in life that we have to weigh - like to interfere and interject into an adult difficult child's life or a teen difficult child's life and when you HEAR people explain TOUGH LOVE FOR ALL SITUATIONS - I have met FEW in my life that could adhere to it. (my mom would be one) She really does NOT get involved and has probably lived longer because of it.

    HOWEVER - I was not a difficult child (mostly :tongue:) and having to deal with my life, my son, his "things" it has made me pretty able at assessing a situation and going "Hmmmmm now.....if I don't get involved or help maintain HOW is this going to affect MY life later?" and make my very reserved choices based on those thoughts. BECAUSE a lot of times I did that in my life and it ended up WORSE for me. (as is the case with your husband not doing his part on his own car.)

    IF the car is salvagable? I would make sure that I took time out of MY one day a month or every 3000 miles whichever is sooner more of an insurance policy so to speak than a "favor" to an ungrateful troll. Then I would take his car to WM auto shop and get them to oil change or take it to Jiffy Lube on Wed. (ladies day) and get the stuff fixed and topped off.

    I have done my own maint. for so long when husband took over it took me nearly a year to not check up behind him or whatever. I'm okay with it now. Sure - I am.....wink wink.....that's why I called the Auto shop the morning the manifold gaskets blew - (I thought it was freeze plugs) but what do I know? $500 later and no #)($_) from a husband I'm poor but happy and my car runs.

    Maybe this is one of those JUST GRIN AND BEAR IT BASKET ITEMS. ??

    And the basket makes a lovely addition to any family crypt later on down the road. :tongue:
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    LOL Star. I do my own maintainence with sister in law's hellp. We don't have Jiffy Lube and the other oil changing place went out of business, darn it. I did make a worldly effort on friday to get him to take the darn thing into the shop we use, but then I got the money song and dance. (and no we really don't have it) But I was willing to give up 2 weeks of groceries if necessary to shut the man up.

    I'd refuse to let husband drive my car, except his job is over an hour away. A cab is out of the question.

    When he refused to turn the deer accident into the insurance he was setting up an old ploy for his Mom........Car falls apart and she buys him a new one. Only mother in law lost all her "money" when the stock market kept plummeting. Basically the woman is broke. So no Mom to bail him out this time.

    I don't take it personally, none of it. I just get sick of listening to it. husband is a bonafide difficult child to the nth degree. I spend 99 percent of the time ignoring him.

    Still, like I tell sister in law, if the man's car goes he's gonna overtake mine out of necessity. And then I will not be in a good place and his life will turn from suffering (believe me he does) to H*ll on earth. I had to wait 20 yrs for a car of my own and get run over by a truck to pay for it. I will not happily hand it over to him to keep him employed.:mad::angry-very:

    And he's already in trouble at work as I refused to let him use my car on days when I couldn't ride to school with Nichole.

    Just POes me to a new level that circumstances he created may force me to hand over a car I literally had to nearly die to get.

    Oh, should also insert here that some of this is husband's way of getting back at me because I refused to hand any of my student loan refund over to him, refused to pay on the bills, or to pay off the horrendous dept he's aquired with those payday loan places. I refuse because all the times before when I did it.....he just ran them all up again and it didn't help us at all. Instead I'm using my money for things we've needed for eons and can never buy because there is never any money.

    And this is also a major move to sabotage my going to school. (no car = no way to get to school) I should be able to enter the actual RN program next fall. husband is getting scared. While he pretended to be supportive, he never dreamed I'd make it this far.

    Tough cookies. Even if I'm forced to hand over the car......I'll walk the 5 miles to the college and back if necessary.:mad:

    husband will be long gone once I'm out of school. (that's one of the major reasons for going) Finanacially I just can't do it right now, and the bleep bleep owes me that much.

    On medications or off, he's a major difficult child, far beyond either Travis or Nichole. In his own league.

    Thanks for listening. Vent over. Doesn't do me much good except to keep from strangling him anyway. lol
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911

    (hands over OJ gloves secretly)

  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    :rofl: :bigsmile:

    Thanks for the chuckle Starbie. ;)
  14. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Chiming in late (as usual) and just wanted to say hugs and hang in there. Two years will be over before you know it...
  15. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    2 More Years! 2 More Years!!!!

    You Can Do It!!!
  16. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Ok Toto.......everytime husband starts driving me over the edge, I'll just think of my cheering section. :D :rofl: