hyperactivity and grieving

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Mar 20, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    So I have been so hyper the last 2 days I think I scared difficult child.

    Usually I am pretty calm, in check, erring on the more skeptical and logical side of life - however the last 2 days I have been hyper, giggly, and silly.

    Last night I was sitting in a meeting at 10:00 at night (I know, seriously! 10 at night?) "learning" about a product in our store, and I suddenly got this distinct feeling that H. was right there with me. All these things that she might have said about the guy giving the lecture started surfacing, and I almost busted out laughing. (H. and I always had the most giggliest, silliest, sense of laughter and life - she made me laugh more than anyone, ever). Then I got home at midnight and I was telling difficult child about this random and weird display of merchandise that someone put up in our store - and I could not stop laughing. He just looked at me - and in his difficult child way (and thousands of dollars of therapy expertise) told me I was sublimating my grief. What?????? I cracked up even more.

    Anyway - seriously - I know I am tired - but I am just wondering if any of you have had this happen where your grief turns to silliness. I just feel weird - but not in bad way. More as if I am in this childlike regressed phase where everything anyone says is funny. Plus, I have to add, I am much more energetic and charged. Granted I have not had much sleep, or been eating normally, but what if I have become manic? Could that have happened? Maybe I am just tired - and sad - and my emotions have just done a 180 and become hyperactivity and silliness.

    You guys are great.
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    But hey, you're laughing!

    Ok, seriously, I don't know about the manic part. The only person I know who gets manic is difficult child and his manifests itself in a very specific, non-giggly manner. My impression of your description though makes me think that A) you're tired, as you said, and B) you've kept such a clamp on your emotions that they are seeping out in whatever manner they can. I think that your reaction to what H was whispering in your head would have been typical but with everything you're going through, you're kind of slap happy. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this right or not. It's like when you're tired and get slap happy. Your reactions to things are sometimes exaggerated. If you find something funny, you'll laugh harder and/or longer than you would if you were rested. I think the same thing could have happened if it were something that would have made you cry instead of laugh, know what I mean?

    If you're worried about being manic though, talk to your therapist about it and see what she/he says.

    Not sure any of what I just said made sense but that's my .02 worth.

    Sending {{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}} though.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I agree- I think you are doing great and having thoughts like that means you are on the road to recuperating in a healthy way that still enjoys your sister in your life- albeit by knowing what she would say or do and by feeling her spirit with you. The manic part, you know, I'm not so sure where that line is. But, I agree too, that you could talk to your dr about it and if you do that soon, even if it is a manic issue, it can be nipped in the bud. You know more sabout this than me I'm sure- I am just learning that with my difficult child, stress is a major key in the cycling department.

    You are on track- just keep taking care of yourself and letting that sense of humor come into play and staying in tune with difficult child- you are doing all the right things and you will be ok!
  4. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Sometimes (rarely) if I am tired, but not overly tense, I will get silly. For me, it might be a release of some kind.
    The main thing I wanted to mention though was that for a short time after my mother's death, I felt as if she were by my side during moments of conflict. I have spoken with others about this sort of thing and they have had this feeling from a lost loved one under the same circumstance. However, it was only for a finite period of time after the loss. I really don't know what to make of it. However, all of us were comforted by out experiences and therefore thought of them in a positive way.
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Wow Nomad I really, really hope that feeling H. by my side is not finite. I need it, desperately to be infinite. What are others experiences with this?
  6. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    When my friend Rob died last year, I felt that feeling that he was around for a while too.
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Steeley! Sometimes it's just better to "go with it!". Why not accept that she might have been there? You'll never "really" know if it's true, so why not just enjoy that "H" showed up during a really, really, excrutiatingly boring meeting and "livened things up a little"?

    I swear I've had the same experience and just relaxed and enjoyed the ride!

    Hope you have a great weekend!

  8. Steely,

    My personal experience with the process of grieving is that all kinds of emotions ebb and flow - with really no rhyme or reason. In retrospect, I think that it has been healthy for me to acknowledge all of the thoughts and emotions and move forward through them. I think they only become problematic if one ignores them or spends too much time with them.

    From time to time I feel the presence of my father very, very strongly. It is a really almost a physical experience. He has been gone now for almost eight years, but this still occasionally happens. It is a very positive experience for me - as your experience was. I personally believe that we incorporate parts of those loved ones most important to us in our own personalities - and I also believe that is what I am experiencing when I feel that my father is nearby. It's a wonderful gift and legacy that he left me - and I think that your sister did this for you as well. It is very comforting for me to think about this, and I hope that it is for you also.
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    She will be there as long as you need her to be. She will know when it is time to stop coming around.
  10. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member


    Do you remember the Mary Tyler Moore episode in which Chuckles the Clown died? How Mary just couldn't stop laughing at the funeral?

    I think it's normal, maybe the cloud of depression is lifting over you. {{{Hugs}}}
  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    My "unprofessional" take on it is that it was late, and the normal inhibitory "filters" at work during the day were off and you let your anxiety and grief come out in the form of laughter. I don't think that's really unusual. Anxiety can make you hyperactive, too. However, if it continues for more than a few days, or you find your laughter melting into sobbing on a daily basis, then I'd consider discussing it with your doctor. It's still very soon after losing your sister, and I would be more surprised if you weren't still actively grieving for her.

  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Steely -

    When I did something similar - I felt like I wasn't there - that I just could not stop laughing was your situation similar to that?

    My doctor told me that laughter is your bodies final attempt to avoid a disassociative state. It's can be, in some cases a pre-cursor to stroke. If that laughter was hysterical, uncontrollable - for seemingly no reason your body may have gone on auto-pilot to fix your depression. This is fact.

    In a disassociative state you are there literally but feel like you are floating above yourself and watching yourself from somewhere else. That is NOT a good thing and you need to call the doctor and for a time being find out what you can do or take for your nerves.

    That laughter is your bodies way of telling your brain it can NOT take any more stress. Call you psychiatrist TODAY and leave a message about this - I'm very serious.

    When this happened to me - I ended up with a stroke less than a week later.

    Take care of YOURSELF - okay -

    We care about you a ton but can't be there to take you or help -
    Sadly this is the best I can do -

    NOW CALL YOUR psychiatrist !!!!!! RIGHT NOW YOUNG LADY!!!!!!!

    Hugs & Love
  13. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I hope you are doing OK... I call them the Tired Silly's... I don't know what is going on, because I do get Manic... so it is hard for me to see/feel the difference. I get triggered, so easy, once I am not sleeping or have something horrible happen.
    But I would talk to someone, even if your mind is protecting itself and you are feeling her presence... it might be OK. But you want to know that the silly's will not go a step further... just keep an eye on yourself.
    Sometimes I come back down... but others in the past I have always self medicated when I have had death around me...
    So now it would be different.
    Hang in there.
  14. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Yea..........today I am sad, mopey, oppressed feeling.............so who knows. I am not bi-polar, at least never have been - I guess I am just on a roller coaster of craziness right now.

    I still can barely tolerate the reality that she is actually gone - I mean when I think of her literally being gone, it takes my breath away each and every time I remember. It is like I cannot wrap my brain around it. It is so hard because she was so far away - when I was in Oregon, in her space, it was real, present, in my face. Now that I am back in Texas, I feel like I am in an altered, limbo - where any day things will be normal again. So I go about my daily activities - and feel normal - until out of the blue I think to myself I am going to tell H. that or this - and then this big hammer socks me in the stomach with the reality.

    The problem is though, is that I am really really good at being disassociative - and that worries me. I can go to work with a volcano errupting, a tornado coming through, and an earthquake shaking the earth - and still pretend that everything is perfectly fine. I have had to do that in order to survive being a single mom/provider/protector for a child of difficult children "gfgness", and before that a wife of a drug addicted abuser. So now, I am doing the same thing with H.'s death - but yet it feels somehow unnatural, weird. Like I am a robot- and I should not be.
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I second 1 Day at a Time. I lost my dad at 5 yo and my step-dad at 16, but I have found that it isn't just losing someone to death that causes this. And i have decided it is not a bad thing- it is a good thing- it is a human's way of "living on" through other people. I hope my son "feels" me in his life someday after I am gone.
  16. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?


    Many hugs, girl.

    I gotta agree with Star, if this continues, to get help quickly; however, that said, my personal experience has been that when I get way overtired, EVERYTHING gets funny. Like when you pull an all-nighter driving, and 2-4 am you just struggle to stay awake, and by 5am, you're laughing so hard at the mediocre morning show that you can barely keep the car on the road. That's my guess, but do watch it, cause Star's right. Lack of sleep is stress, too...

    You sound like me in that wonderful ability to "stuff" emotions. I'm not sure I've still really processed my dad. He'll be gone a year on March 27. I am dreading that day. However, by the first family gathering after he passed, we had all reached the silly memory stage.

    Things are much easier now, but I still find myself pulled over on the side of the road bawling randomly, and I can find no visible triggers for it.

    Unlike every other close person who has passed in my life, I have never felt my dad's presence since he's been gone. My mom has had a couple of moments, but nothing like what she has experienced previously, either. Having those moments of our loved one still being with you, I think, makes it easier. Enjoy sis. I, too, beleive she is still with you.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'll 2nd or 3rd the vote for being overtired. I get very silly. We used to call it being slap happy.
    I would recommend you just roll with-the ups and downs for a while ... it's only been a month, right? And if it continues for a while and interferes with-your sleep and work, I'd seek help.
    For now, just give yourself time. This is still all so fresh.
  18. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I wish I had some advice, but all I can say is that you can only move forward and keep going. Grief isn't something that ends, it just gets softer. You're going to have feelings about your sister for the rest of your life. Hopefully you'll come to a place where they aren't such a surprise to your system.

    I hope that you will contact some of the agencies in your area that offer reduced fee counseling. (I'm remembering that it might be a financial struggle for you?) Over the years, I was seen at Catholic Family Services, Jewish Family Services, and Lutheran Family Services. You can see that I don't discriminate! ;) You will have to do an intake, and may need to wait. But, waiting for an appointment is something you can begin right away.

    I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. It just blows.