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Substance Abuse
I am afraid of my 19 year old sons temper
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 750803" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Misty welcome and so truly sorry for what you are going through.</p><p></p><p>Do you have any other children? Do you have any family or friends or any type of support system?</p><p></p><p>My son started his tirade at age 15. He will now be 24 on Monday and we are now on the other side of it.....we were lucky.</p><p></p><p>He started with MJ and it escalated to abusing benzos and pain pills. We did not worry too much initially with the MJ as both husband and I had used as teens. We did not escalate to the degree he did with other drugs.</p><p></p><p>Our son grew up in a loving and calm home with two older brothers - one from each of our first marriages and our youngest is ours together. He sat arms folded at therapy also and did not feel that anything was wrong with him. I knew something was but did not know if it was drugs or mental illness. He was a great child until teen years hit.</p><p></p><p>We had police come many times, we had things stolen, and we experienced many of the behaviors that you mentioned. These behaviors have been experienced by most of us here in one form or another.</p><p></p><p>I found this site and that is when things began to change. That is when it all started to make sense.</p><p></p><p>He was not going to change - we tried it all - so we had to change.</p><p></p><p>Finally at the age of 20 after being forced into yet another rehab we told him he could no longer live with us. He agreed to go to sober living in Florida (very affordable). We had hoped he'd get a job and go to college. No promise of returning to our home - we lived in Chicago suburbs at the time. He did good for a while in Florida and then he didn't. He was in and out of rehabs there. I did not see him. Husband would visit. I could no longer handle watching him try to destroy himself. I had started seeing a therapist to learn boundaries and detachment. </p><p></p><p>He overdosed on his girlfriend's mother's pain medications in Florida on Father's Day. He was getting worse. Husband and I realized that he may die from this. We had to accept that.</p><p></p><p>The saving grace for us was sending him to a faith based 11 month program in Memphis. Actually they are all over the country. He went in kicking and screaming and actually ran out of the place. My husband drove away. Left him in a strange state in a bad neighborhood. We were done. We were not playing this game anymore. I was terrfied. This was it. Husband had promised him he could come home if he finished the program.</p><p></p><p>The program changed him. Actually getting God back into his heart changed him. He's not the same broken person that he once was. He has matured a lot and now has goals. He knows that we do not have to let him live with us. He has to follow our rules. We are only helping him until he is able to get his own place. It is temporary. I must say it is nice to have my son back but it is not easy. I have PTSD now and am overly sensitive to everything as it relates to him. The past haunts me.</p><p></p><p>A close friend buried her son in July from a heroin overdose in her own home. Don't think that if you stop this madness you will push him to overdose. They use a lot of tactics to try to manipulate us. It's the drugs talking. The addiction. To me it is like fighting the Devil himself. I have been through a lot in my life but nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for this fight.</p><p></p><p>Keep reading and posting here and get yourself some help for you. Your son won't change until he is ready. It could be many years for you like it was for us. You have to build up yourself or you won't make it through it. It doesn't mean we don't love our children. We have to put our oxygen on first.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 750803, member: 15032"] Misty welcome and so truly sorry for what you are going through. Do you have any other children? Do you have any family or friends or any type of support system? My son started his tirade at age 15. He will now be 24 on Monday and we are now on the other side of it.....we were lucky. He started with MJ and it escalated to abusing benzos and pain pills. We did not worry too much initially with the MJ as both husband and I had used as teens. We did not escalate to the degree he did with other drugs. Our son grew up in a loving and calm home with two older brothers - one from each of our first marriages and our youngest is ours together. He sat arms folded at therapy also and did not feel that anything was wrong with him. I knew something was but did not know if it was drugs or mental illness. He was a great child until teen years hit. We had police come many times, we had things stolen, and we experienced many of the behaviors that you mentioned. These behaviors have been experienced by most of us here in one form or another. I found this site and that is when things began to change. That is when it all started to make sense. He was not going to change - we tried it all - so we had to change. Finally at the age of 20 after being forced into yet another rehab we told him he could no longer live with us. He agreed to go to sober living in Florida (very affordable). We had hoped he'd get a job and go to college. No promise of returning to our home - we lived in Chicago suburbs at the time. He did good for a while in Florida and then he didn't. He was in and out of rehabs there. I did not see him. Husband would visit. I could no longer handle watching him try to destroy himself. I had started seeing a therapist to learn boundaries and detachment. He overdosed on his girlfriend's mother's pain medications in Florida on Father's Day. He was getting worse. Husband and I realized that he may die from this. We had to accept that. The saving grace for us was sending him to a faith based 11 month program in Memphis. Actually they are all over the country. He went in kicking and screaming and actually ran out of the place. My husband drove away. Left him in a strange state in a bad neighborhood. We were done. We were not playing this game anymore. I was terrfied. This was it. Husband had promised him he could come home if he finished the program. The program changed him. Actually getting God back into his heart changed him. He's not the same broken person that he once was. He has matured a lot and now has goals. He knows that we do not have to let him live with us. He has to follow our rules. We are only helping him until he is able to get his own place. It is temporary. I must say it is nice to have my son back but it is not easy. I have PTSD now and am overly sensitive to everything as it relates to him. The past haunts me. A close friend buried her son in July from a heroin overdose in her own home. Don't think that if you stop this madness you will push him to overdose. They use a lot of tactics to try to manipulate us. It's the drugs talking. The addiction. To me it is like fighting the Devil himself. I have been through a lot in my life but nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for this fight. Keep reading and posting here and get yourself some help for you. Your son won't change until he is ready. It could be many years for you like it was for us. You have to build up yourself or you won't make it through it. It doesn't mean we don't love our children. We have to put our oxygen on first. [/QUOTE]
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