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I am at my wits end with this child! :P Please help.
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<blockquote data-quote="SnowYs" data-source="post: 381462"><p><<How about giving us a bit of history on this child?>></p><p></p><p>Very unstable past. Her parents had a bad relationship and avoided each other for most of it - so one parent was always gone. Many changes in residences while they were together, lived in poverty. At 3 1/2 her sister was born. Vanessa has a lot of beef with her younger sister. Katarina looks exactly like the mom and has been treated as a princess since birth. Both children are used to being served by their great grandma and have difficulty doing any chores. In many ways, it sometimes appears Vanessa is a 3 year old. </p><p></p><p><<Are there any psychiatric problems or substance abuse issues in her family tree on either side (genetic)? How was her early development...talking, eye contact, motor skills, ability to relate to same age peers, does she have friends, how does she do in school, and can she transition well from one activity to another? >></p><p></p><p>My husband does not drink, by choice as he feels people use it to cover up negative emotions. Vanessa's mom is 30 but she very much lives a single girl type of lifestyle and does drink - to what extent I am not sure. The girls Uncle does have some type of problem...he is not diagnosed with anything. I met him once and was going to talk with him, but he stared straight ahead and never acknowledged my exsistence. My husband Rafael says he is very socially awkward. The mom has stated numerous times she thinks she may have ADHD. I know the mom and her younger brother David have a temper. (I made the mistake of telling the girls mom she needs to check her priorities because she was leaving the girls with relatives to go out and party a lot. That lead to threats of her kicking my a**.)</p><p></p><p>My husband has a hard time recounting her exact miletones before 3 but says she talked and was potty trained in the right time frame. He did state she had a lot of temper tantrums as a kid. She will give you limited eye contact but if you are trying to have a one to one conversation she will not look you in the eyes. You have to ask repeatedly. She has friends in school. We think she communicates at a lessor level than her peers - but she does have friends her age. She is doing poorly in school,she barely made it to 5th grade. Does not hand assignments in. Does not stay on task. Does not understand math and was just started yesterday in a Special Education class for math. She is not allowed to bring a backpack to school because she will hoard candy, drawings - anything that she can distract herself with. She does have a history of taking things from her mom's various residences without permission. We just switched her from Concerta 36mg (which was doing nothing) to Adderall XR 10mg. </p><p></p><p><<Another existing factor is that she is atypical anyway and I assume she has to go from house to house (mom and dad) which is confusing and hard for any child, but especially for a child who is different. It is unsettling to most kids, but if, say, this child has Aspergers that would make it even worse. How often does she go back and forth? Are the rules different in both places? Does she have two stepparts (both parents remarried?). Does she have new siblings in both homes? All this just adds to it.>></p><p></p><p>She is with us Sunday afternoon - Thursday morning. I had to push for 2 years for this schedule! We just started it at the beginning of the school year (Aug. 23rd). My husband works in the entertainment business so his schedule revolves around when things are shot - which can be at anytime! We have written the schedule on the fridge, as well as verbally remind her. She did state to her dad (Who seems to be the only one she talks too other than her younger sister. She does not initiate conversations with me unless it is about her Pokeman, drawings, anime, etc.) yesterday that the schedule is confusing to her and she wants to be with him one full week and her mom the next week. We have lived in the same house the last two years. They have a bed here, and stability. We do have a 10 month old son together. I know Rafael is growing increasingly frustrated with her behaviour and at times I do feel he is too harsh on her.</p><p></p><p>The mom has an on again/off again boyfriend. Im not sure how involved he is in this situation because that aspect is not communicated with us. The mom has said she thinks she has ADHD. She has also stated at times she thinks her boyfriend is bi-polar. The mom has been all over the place. She has lived with her boyfriend, her mom, her great grandma. We are being told she is living at her mom's house now. Before that she was living with her great grandma. Everyone hangs out the great grandma's and if the girls are there they will have any number of "parents." The great grandma, the grandma, the mom, her brother David & his girlfriend Felicia, Aunt Margo..and sometimes Grandpa Roy. Last weekend my husband went to the grandmas house to set up bunk beds for the girls, but the mom did not have all the pieces so he could not complete the bed for them. We do not know where the girls sleep when they are with her. </p><p></p><p>I don't think she takes the schedule idea too seriously because we got a text today that she wants to take just Vanessa tomorrow. Which we advised is not a good idea, since she already communicated she is confused as is. </p><p></p><p>Vanessa is very bossy, and commands around her younger sister. She wants Katarina to like all the things she does. And Katarina for the most part follows along, but occasionally voices her own opinion with Vanessa. I did forget to mention we have a lot of trouble with hygiene. Vanessa has lots of clothes, but will only wear the things she feels comfortable with. Getting her to put her clothes in the hamper is a problem. Getting her to not wear stained dirty clothes is a problem. She does not change her underwear very often though we are constantly reminding her. Vanessa is poor at brushing her teeth. Katarina follows Vanessa's lead. Both children do not take responsibility for their actions - its always someone else's fault. Neither child really communicates thoughts / feelings. Katarina is an A+ student.</p><p></p><p>We are all communicating what is going on and trying to all be on the same page for rewards for good behaviour (computer time), etc. It's a work in progress and I know we are probably harsher in discipline. As I said, Im the detail queen and they have a hard time sneaking Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Candy etc into their room with me around. Which I know both of the girls don't like. </p><p></p><p>Hope the additional info helps! Look forward to your responses. Thanks. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SnowYs, post: 381462"] <<How about giving us a bit of history on this child?>> Very unstable past. Her parents had a bad relationship and avoided each other for most of it - so one parent was always gone. Many changes in residences while they were together, lived in poverty. At 3 1/2 her sister was born. Vanessa has a lot of beef with her younger sister. Katarina looks exactly like the mom and has been treated as a princess since birth. Both children are used to being served by their great grandma and have difficulty doing any chores. In many ways, it sometimes appears Vanessa is a 3 year old. <<Are there any psychiatric problems or substance abuse issues in her family tree on either side (genetic)? How was her early development...talking, eye contact, motor skills, ability to relate to same age peers, does she have friends, how does she do in school, and can she transition well from one activity to another? >> My husband does not drink, by choice as he feels people use it to cover up negative emotions. Vanessa's mom is 30 but she very much lives a single girl type of lifestyle and does drink - to what extent I am not sure. The girls Uncle does have some type of problem...he is not diagnosed with anything. I met him once and was going to talk with him, but he stared straight ahead and never acknowledged my exsistence. My husband Rafael says he is very socially awkward. The mom has stated numerous times she thinks she may have ADHD. I know the mom and her younger brother David have a temper. (I made the mistake of telling the girls mom she needs to check her priorities because she was leaving the girls with relatives to go out and party a lot. That lead to threats of her kicking my a**.) My husband has a hard time recounting her exact miletones before 3 but says she talked and was potty trained in the right time frame. He did state she had a lot of temper tantrums as a kid. She will give you limited eye contact but if you are trying to have a one to one conversation she will not look you in the eyes. You have to ask repeatedly. She has friends in school. We think she communicates at a lessor level than her peers - but she does have friends her age. She is doing poorly in school,she barely made it to 5th grade. Does not hand assignments in. Does not stay on task. Does not understand math and was just started yesterday in a Special Education class for math. She is not allowed to bring a backpack to school because she will hoard candy, drawings - anything that she can distract herself with. She does have a history of taking things from her mom's various residences without permission. We just switched her from Concerta 36mg (which was doing nothing) to Adderall XR 10mg. <<Another existing factor is that she is atypical anyway and I assume she has to go from house to house (mom and dad) which is confusing and hard for any child, but especially for a child who is different. It is unsettling to most kids, but if, say, this child has Aspergers that would make it even worse. How often does she go back and forth? Are the rules different in both places? Does she have two stepparts (both parents remarried?). Does she have new siblings in both homes? All this just adds to it.>> She is with us Sunday afternoon - Thursday morning. I had to push for 2 years for this schedule! We just started it at the beginning of the school year (Aug. 23rd). My husband works in the entertainment business so his schedule revolves around when things are shot - which can be at anytime! We have written the schedule on the fridge, as well as verbally remind her. She did state to her dad (Who seems to be the only one she talks too other than her younger sister. She does not initiate conversations with me unless it is about her Pokeman, drawings, anime, etc.) yesterday that the schedule is confusing to her and she wants to be with him one full week and her mom the next week. We have lived in the same house the last two years. They have a bed here, and stability. We do have a 10 month old son together. I know Rafael is growing increasingly frustrated with her behaviour and at times I do feel he is too harsh on her. The mom has an on again/off again boyfriend. Im not sure how involved he is in this situation because that aspect is not communicated with us. The mom has said she thinks she has ADHD. She has also stated at times she thinks her boyfriend is bi-polar. The mom has been all over the place. She has lived with her boyfriend, her mom, her great grandma. We are being told she is living at her mom's house now. Before that she was living with her great grandma. Everyone hangs out the great grandma's and if the girls are there they will have any number of "parents." The great grandma, the grandma, the mom, her brother David & his girlfriend Felicia, Aunt Margo..and sometimes Grandpa Roy. Last weekend my husband went to the grandmas house to set up bunk beds for the girls, but the mom did not have all the pieces so he could not complete the bed for them. We do not know where the girls sleep when they are with her. I don't think she takes the schedule idea too seriously because we got a text today that she wants to take just Vanessa tomorrow. Which we advised is not a good idea, since she already communicated she is confused as is. Vanessa is very bossy, and commands around her younger sister. She wants Katarina to like all the things she does. And Katarina for the most part follows along, but occasionally voices her own opinion with Vanessa. I did forget to mention we have a lot of trouble with hygiene. Vanessa has lots of clothes, but will only wear the things she feels comfortable with. Getting her to put her clothes in the hamper is a problem. Getting her to not wear stained dirty clothes is a problem. She does not change her underwear very often though we are constantly reminding her. Vanessa is poor at brushing her teeth. Katarina follows Vanessa's lead. Both children do not take responsibility for their actions - its always someone else's fault. Neither child really communicates thoughts / feelings. Katarina is an A+ student. We are all communicating what is going on and trying to all be on the same page for rewards for good behaviour (computer time), etc. It's a work in progress and I know we are probably harsher in discipline. As I said, Im the detail queen and they have a hard time sneaking Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Candy etc into their room with me around. Which I know both of the girls don't like. Hope the additional info helps! Look forward to your responses. Thanks. :) [/QUOTE]
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I am at my wits end with this child! :P Please help.
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