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Parent Emeritus
I am finally not doing this anymore. Please help?
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<blockquote data-quote="Blindsided" data-source="post: 748498" data-attributes="member: 23811"><p>My daughter directs all her anger and blame at me too. I began to doubt myself and become depressed, because as it says in "Walking on Eggshells", I became the sponge instead of the mirror. I read everything I can get my hands on, have been in therapy, etc. etc. But, it wasn't until the abuse became so severe that those around me started to tell me the same thing I was trying to convey to my daughter, I make a choice to take it on or reject it. They reminded me I am valuable to those around me, that I have a right to shut my daughter out in order to save myself. I am still a work in progress, but I am a product of MY journey and the choices I make, no one else. Unless I am mentally healthy, there is no way I can help anyone else. </p><p></p><p>I set boundaries with my daughter that were very specific, I think I shared them with you in another thread. Lo and behold, my daughter sent me a short text on Mother's Day. It simply said, "Happy Mother's Day, I hope it is a great one for you." It ended with a kiss, prayer, and heart emoji. I kept my response short with a "thank you, that means a lot to me." Now I feel I have a reason to send periodic texts (we cannot talk on the phone, I am not strong enough yet) that thank her for respecting my boundaries, which the experts say will reinforce her acceptable behavior. </p><p></p><p>I do better when I take a break from my daughter and the constant crisis and chaos she lives in. I have blocked her in the past, and I have learned that's okay if I need a break to stay emotionally ready and not fall prey to her manipulation. I am not naive, past events predict she will slip up, but with each positive encounter I learn the value of sticking to what works, boundaries that protect me. I will be thinking of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blindsided, post: 748498, member: 23811"] My daughter directs all her anger and blame at me too. I began to doubt myself and become depressed, because as it says in "Walking on Eggshells", I became the sponge instead of the mirror. I read everything I can get my hands on, have been in therapy, etc. etc. But, it wasn't until the abuse became so severe that those around me started to tell me the same thing I was trying to convey to my daughter, I make a choice to take it on or reject it. They reminded me I am valuable to those around me, that I have a right to shut my daughter out in order to save myself. I am still a work in progress, but I am a product of MY journey and the choices I make, no one else. Unless I am mentally healthy, there is no way I can help anyone else. I set boundaries with my daughter that were very specific, I think I shared them with you in another thread. Lo and behold, my daughter sent me a short text on Mother's Day. It simply said, "Happy Mother's Day, I hope it is a great one for you." It ended with a kiss, prayer, and heart emoji. I kept my response short with a "thank you, that means a lot to me." Now I feel I have a reason to send periodic texts (we cannot talk on the phone, I am not strong enough yet) that thank her for respecting my boundaries, which the experts say will reinforce her acceptable behavior. I do better when I take a break from my daughter and the constant crisis and chaos she lives in. I have blocked her in the past, and I have learned that's okay if I need a break to stay emotionally ready and not fall prey to her manipulation. I am not naive, past events predict she will slip up, but with each positive encounter I learn the value of sticking to what works, boundaries that protect me. I will be thinking of you. [/QUOTE]
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I am finally not doing this anymore. Please help?
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