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Substance Abuse
I am freaking out right now.....
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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 544858" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>Thank you all for your replies. </p><p></p><p>I spoke to easy child daughter this morning and approached her like this.... "I know you've been very angry with difficult child lately and you've said things like 'you wish he didn't exist' and 'you wish he didn't live here'. I'm wondering if he's every hurt you in any way. She said no. I continued to prod and got more detailed like - has he ever touched you inappropriately, made you uncomfortable, that kind of questioning. She said no. I asked if he'd ever threatened to hurt her. No. I let her know that even if she was ever threatened or her family was threatened that if anyone ever touched her, made inappropriate comments or made her feel uncomfortable that she could come to me. I feel pretty comfortable that nothing has happened. </p><p></p><p>I also visited that website to see whether this was something that just popped up when he first got to the website or if it was something he would have to research to find. It looks to me like it would be something he'd have to research via a couple of sub-pages before he'd find that stuff. Creeps me out. I wouldn't have thought too much of it if it was something he'd come across seemingly by accident and only looked at it once but he has viewed "Me and my sister" parts 1-8 and some of them he has viewed multiple times. I am hoping that him viewing the 'first experience with a dog' was just a morbid curiosity thing and that it won't happen again. </p><p></p><p>Just got off the phone with a mental health hotline. They have recommended keeping the lines of communication open between difficult child and myself and easy child and myself. There is still some worry in my mind about him crossing that line between fantasy and reality but I don't want to act rashly. On the other hand I need to protect easy child. They basically said to keep a sharp eye out, monitor him, talk to him and bide our time until his psychiatrist appointment (first one) on Aug 13. </p><p></p><p>I am installing the spyware keystroke program on the computer today while he is out so I will be able to monitor every keystroke, every instant message, emails sent and received, Facebook, Skype - this program monitors everything. It's call Web Watcher. Looks like it got great reviews. </p><p></p><p>I'm going to have a conversation with difficult child about porn and tell him that via the internet bill that I know he's been viewing stuff and that we need to have a conversation about this. The mental health nurse suggested we try to get into the 'why' is he doing this with him - not whether he should or should not be doing it. I'm not even sure he'll fess up. I talked to him this morning (he's at my mom's to help with yard work) and told him that his data usage on his cell phone was really high (which it is) and a lot of it occurs between 10pm and 5am. So, he tells me it's Facebook and not internet. I said, are you sure you haven't been visiting any sites at all? Nothing? Nope, I'm very proud that I can say I haven't done that in months." Blatant lie but I guess what else could I expect? </p><p></p><p>Talked to the mental health nurse about setting boundaries but husband and I are afraid to put our foot down right now. If difficult child runs, and he will run if we try to set boundaries, then I'm afraid that he won't go to psychiatrist. Last time he ran was awful - very little communication and when he would communicate he always blew up at us, accused us of all kinds of abuse and was just completely irrational. </p><p></p><p>Just biding time and trying to get through. August 13 can't come soon enough.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 544858, member: 14356"] Thank you all for your replies. I spoke to easy child daughter this morning and approached her like this.... "I know you've been very angry with difficult child lately and you've said things like 'you wish he didn't exist' and 'you wish he didn't live here'. I'm wondering if he's every hurt you in any way. She said no. I continued to prod and got more detailed like - has he ever touched you inappropriately, made you uncomfortable, that kind of questioning. She said no. I asked if he'd ever threatened to hurt her. No. I let her know that even if she was ever threatened or her family was threatened that if anyone ever touched her, made inappropriate comments or made her feel uncomfortable that she could come to me. I feel pretty comfortable that nothing has happened. I also visited that website to see whether this was something that just popped up when he first got to the website or if it was something he would have to research to find. It looks to me like it would be something he'd have to research via a couple of sub-pages before he'd find that stuff. Creeps me out. I wouldn't have thought too much of it if it was something he'd come across seemingly by accident and only looked at it once but he has viewed "Me and my sister" parts 1-8 and some of them he has viewed multiple times. I am hoping that him viewing the 'first experience with a dog' was just a morbid curiosity thing and that it won't happen again. Just got off the phone with a mental health hotline. They have recommended keeping the lines of communication open between difficult child and myself and easy child and myself. There is still some worry in my mind about him crossing that line between fantasy and reality but I don't want to act rashly. On the other hand I need to protect easy child. They basically said to keep a sharp eye out, monitor him, talk to him and bide our time until his psychiatrist appointment (first one) on Aug 13. I am installing the spyware keystroke program on the computer today while he is out so I will be able to monitor every keystroke, every instant message, emails sent and received, Facebook, Skype - this program monitors everything. It's call Web Watcher. Looks like it got great reviews. I'm going to have a conversation with difficult child about porn and tell him that via the internet bill that I know he's been viewing stuff and that we need to have a conversation about this. The mental health nurse suggested we try to get into the 'why' is he doing this with him - not whether he should or should not be doing it. I'm not even sure he'll fess up. I talked to him this morning (he's at my mom's to help with yard work) and told him that his data usage on his cell phone was really high (which it is) and a lot of it occurs between 10pm and 5am. So, he tells me it's Facebook and not internet. I said, are you sure you haven't been visiting any sites at all? Nothing? Nope, I'm very proud that I can say I haven't done that in months." Blatant lie but I guess what else could I expect? Talked to the mental health nurse about setting boundaries but husband and I are afraid to put our foot down right now. If difficult child runs, and he will run if we try to set boundaries, then I'm afraid that he won't go to psychiatrist. Last time he ran was awful - very little communication and when he would communicate he always blew up at us, accused us of all kinds of abuse and was just completely irrational. Just biding time and trying to get through. August 13 can't come soon enough. [/QUOTE]
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