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Substance Abuse
I am freaking out right now.....
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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 545057" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>Thank you so much everyone. I had a talk with difficult child today about it. I told him that based on his phone usage I suspected that the pornography was still being viewed online. He denied of course so I said, ok, show me your computer. He did and I looked through his history as though it were the first time and 'discovered' the porn. </p><p></p><p>He says he is done with it, that he's weaned himself off of it. That he is not using his phone for it. Do I believe any of that? No, not a chance. I tried to look into the 'why' of it with him. How was he feeling at the time, was he feeling down? Was he in a risk taking mood? Did he look it up because of something that came up in discussion with friends? He said no. He thought of it himself and it just seemed like a good idea at the time. Then after he does it he asks himself "why did I do that?" It sounds compulsive to me. </p><p></p><p>I told him I was very concerned about the incestuous fantasy stories he was reading and he assured me that he has no interest in acting those out with his sister. He seemed rather mortified with that - more mortified than that I knew about the bestiality stuff. He seems to think this stuff is popular. Well, I guess it is in some crowds but I assured him that I think this is fringe behaviour and just because something has been viewed by thousands of people doesn't make it 'popular' when there are billions of people online. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, new rules in the house. He is getting a phone that can not access the internet tomorrow - only text and talk. He is not allowed on his computer unless he is in the same room with me. I don't need to be standing over his shoulder but I will be able to see the screen and will be randomly checking. The internet cable will be with me at all times. If I am in bed it will be with me in my room, if I'm out the cord will be with me. Not fair to easy child but it has to be done. </p><p></p><p>I told him we love him and that we want him to grow into a productive young man. He is very smart and has a lot of potential. I just let him know that while I don't take issue with young men being interested in sex and pornography I do take issue with him using my internet to view it and with the content of what he is viewing. I talked to him about indulging in things and how that's ok once in a while but if it happens all the time it takes over your life and you don't achieve your goals and dreams for your future. I do believe that porn can be insidious and the internet access makes it so easy to fall into it and hard to get out. </p><p></p><p>I hope I got through. I have to say he really didn't seem that embarrassed that I knew about it or that I was forcing a discussion about it. I really tried to approach him in a non-judgemental way but if it had of been me I'd have been horrified if someone found out, you know? </p><p></p><p>It will definitely be getting noted at the psychiatrist appointment despite the fact that he adamantly refused to talk to anyone about it. I am also making an appointment with a new therapist that I found for him to go to. I'm going to take the advice of a couple of people here and tell therapist about it so he can try to get around to it with difficult child. I think that a number of sessions may have to happen before therapist can build enough trust to talk to difficult child and so it doesn't look like I put therapist up to it. </p><p></p><p>Posting in General Parenting as well...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 545057, member: 14356"] Thank you so much everyone. I had a talk with difficult child today about it. I told him that based on his phone usage I suspected that the pornography was still being viewed online. He denied of course so I said, ok, show me your computer. He did and I looked through his history as though it were the first time and 'discovered' the porn. He says he is done with it, that he's weaned himself off of it. That he is not using his phone for it. Do I believe any of that? No, not a chance. I tried to look into the 'why' of it with him. How was he feeling at the time, was he feeling down? Was he in a risk taking mood? Did he look it up because of something that came up in discussion with friends? He said no. He thought of it himself and it just seemed like a good idea at the time. Then after he does it he asks himself "why did I do that?" It sounds compulsive to me. I told him I was very concerned about the incestuous fantasy stories he was reading and he assured me that he has no interest in acting those out with his sister. He seemed rather mortified with that - more mortified than that I knew about the bestiality stuff. He seems to think this stuff is popular. Well, I guess it is in some crowds but I assured him that I think this is fringe behaviour and just because something has been viewed by thousands of people doesn't make it 'popular' when there are billions of people online. Anyway, new rules in the house. He is getting a phone that can not access the internet tomorrow - only text and talk. He is not allowed on his computer unless he is in the same room with me. I don't need to be standing over his shoulder but I will be able to see the screen and will be randomly checking. The internet cable will be with me at all times. If I am in bed it will be with me in my room, if I'm out the cord will be with me. Not fair to easy child but it has to be done. I told him we love him and that we want him to grow into a productive young man. He is very smart and has a lot of potential. I just let him know that while I don't take issue with young men being interested in sex and pornography I do take issue with him using my internet to view it and with the content of what he is viewing. I talked to him about indulging in things and how that's ok once in a while but if it happens all the time it takes over your life and you don't achieve your goals and dreams for your future. I do believe that porn can be insidious and the internet access makes it so easy to fall into it and hard to get out. I hope I got through. I have to say he really didn't seem that embarrassed that I knew about it or that I was forcing a discussion about it. I really tried to approach him in a non-judgemental way but if it had of been me I'd have been horrified if someone found out, you know? It will definitely be getting noted at the psychiatrist appointment despite the fact that he adamantly refused to talk to anyone about it. I am also making an appointment with a new therapist that I found for him to go to. I'm going to take the advice of a couple of people here and tell therapist about it so he can try to get around to it with difficult child. I think that a number of sessions may have to happen before therapist can build enough trust to talk to difficult child and so it doesn't look like I put therapist up to it. Posting in General Parenting as well... [/QUOTE]
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