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I am in a bad place! UPDATE!
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<blockquote data-quote="Just keep swimming" data-source="post: 30258" data-attributes="member: 211"><p>UPDATE:</p><p></p><p>Thank you all soooo much. I am home now. We met up with our husbands and all the kids with horses at a riding arena and husband and I went for a walk. I just blubbered my way through explaining my side of this whole thing and how he and I handled it. He was quiet, said that he was so worried that he had really done it this time and I was really going to leave. I said that honestly, I am still not in a great place and need some counseling but really want him to join me. I cannot take him sweeping stuff under the rug anymore or acting as if everything is okey dokey when it's not. </p><p></p><p>I think he got it, not sure tho. I did come home to a sparkly clean house, with laundry started and kids on their best behavior, well that part is mostly because they were exhausted from all the outdoor activity and riding the horses, lol!</p><p></p><p>I am in a bit of a better place now. Trying hard to think clearly. This is huge, I have never, ever thought I would be seriously thinking of leaving husband. To all who know him, he is the best father, husband, worker, son, etc. I cannot even talk about this with my mom, she thinks the sun and moon rise all because of husband. </p><p></p><p>I just need husband to understand me better and me understand him better. Kinda funny to say that, 25 years into a marriage. But, I am pretty confused at what he really wants right now. I know I want to get back into foster care, I am missing that part of my life so much. He is done with babies, is wanting to wait for the grands to start arriving someday. I, too, will love that, but I am good with babies, and they "complete me". I know, I have my babies here and I love them soooo much. But, I am yearning to get back into helping these babies either get reunified with their bio parents or helping them settle into an adoptive placement. </p><p></p><p>I also need him to stop and think before dealing with Aly and Jayme for that matter. Do a quick check before giving into Aly's demands. "Is this really an appropriate way of dealing with this issue or does she really just need an extra snuggle time." Rushing out to the store to get her a doll is not what she needed at that moment. She needed mommy/daddy time. And, she hasn't even played with the thing since he bought it. </p><p></p><p>I love him, I really do. I don't want things to end with him. We have too much invested in each other. I just cannot take him not dealing with stuff anymore. In our 25 years of marriage, I have seen him mad, sad, whatever like maybe 5 times. I know, it's a guy thing alot of the time. But I need him to speak up more, not worry about meltdowns or hurt feelings or whatever. It makes it harder if he sweeps it all under the rug all the time. That pile under there is getting almost unsurmountable! </p><p></p><p>He said he would think about all I said and then we will try to get away in the next week or so to really talk things through. I agreed that was a great idea. Told him I do really love him, could not imagine him not in my life but if things don't change, and soon I could not continue this way. </p><p></p><p>At least we are still on good speaking terms and the kids seem really happy to have me home and this morning are still being wonderful. I made sure they heard that none of this is anything to do with them. They are precious to me and this was a mommy daddy thing that we are working on. Aly seemed so relieved when I said that. Of course, she had her precious horse with her for the whole afternoon and was in heaven!! Jayme even rode yesterday for the first time by herself (being led by my sister of course). And no camera in sight, darn it all!! </p><p></p><p>Anyways, I will reread all of your replies, it really helps to have others look at a situation and see things from other angles!!</p><p></p><p>Thanks and love to you all,</p><p>Vickie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Just keep swimming, post: 30258, member: 211"] UPDATE: Thank you all soooo much. I am home now. We met up with our husbands and all the kids with horses at a riding arena and husband and I went for a walk. I just blubbered my way through explaining my side of this whole thing and how he and I handled it. He was quiet, said that he was so worried that he had really done it this time and I was really going to leave. I said that honestly, I am still not in a great place and need some counseling but really want him to join me. I cannot take him sweeping stuff under the rug anymore or acting as if everything is okey dokey when it's not. I think he got it, not sure tho. I did come home to a sparkly clean house, with laundry started and kids on their best behavior, well that part is mostly because they were exhausted from all the outdoor activity and riding the horses, lol! I am in a bit of a better place now. Trying hard to think clearly. This is huge, I have never, ever thought I would be seriously thinking of leaving husband. To all who know him, he is the best father, husband, worker, son, etc. I cannot even talk about this with my mom, she thinks the sun and moon rise all because of husband. I just need husband to understand me better and me understand him better. Kinda funny to say that, 25 years into a marriage. But, I am pretty confused at what he really wants right now. I know I want to get back into foster care, I am missing that part of my life so much. He is done with babies, is wanting to wait for the grands to start arriving someday. I, too, will love that, but I am good with babies, and they "complete me". I know, I have my babies here and I love them soooo much. But, I am yearning to get back into helping these babies either get reunified with their bio parents or helping them settle into an adoptive placement. I also need him to stop and think before dealing with Aly and Jayme for that matter. Do a quick check before giving into Aly's demands. "Is this really an appropriate way of dealing with this issue or does she really just need an extra snuggle time." Rushing out to the store to get her a doll is not what she needed at that moment. She needed mommy/daddy time. And, she hasn't even played with the thing since he bought it. I love him, I really do. I don't want things to end with him. We have too much invested in each other. I just cannot take him not dealing with stuff anymore. In our 25 years of marriage, I have seen him mad, sad, whatever like maybe 5 times. I know, it's a guy thing alot of the time. But I need him to speak up more, not worry about meltdowns or hurt feelings or whatever. It makes it harder if he sweeps it all under the rug all the time. That pile under there is getting almost unsurmountable! He said he would think about all I said and then we will try to get away in the next week or so to really talk things through. I agreed that was a great idea. Told him I do really love him, could not imagine him not in my life but if things don't change, and soon I could not continue this way. At least we are still on good speaking terms and the kids seem really happy to have me home and this morning are still being wonderful. I made sure they heard that none of this is anything to do with them. They are precious to me and this was a mommy daddy thing that we are working on. Aly seemed so relieved when I said that. Of course, she had her precious horse with her for the whole afternoon and was in heaven!! Jayme even rode yesterday for the first time by herself (being led by my sister of course). And no camera in sight, darn it all!! Anyways, I will reread all of your replies, it really helps to have others look at a situation and see things from other angles!! Thanks and love to you all, Vickie [/QUOTE]
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