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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 25871" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Somehow you have to stop yourself reacting. Stop CARING so much because in doing so you are giving his words power to hurt you. The more he knows this the more he will use it against you.</p><p></p><p>A big first step - stop battling him over homework. Is it helping? Doesn't sound like it. If you've tried and he's refusing, then let him fight the school over it. If the school rings you and nags you about his failure to do homework, make it clear that you are refusing to engage him on this topic any more. If the school requires the homework to be done and it's not being done, then the school will have to decide what to do. Frankly, in cases like this, I think schools should re-evaluate their expected outcomes. I really dislike the whole concept of homework because it discriminates against the kids who, for various reasons, have difficulties there (and not necessarily due to refusal). I used to have trouble with homework because I'd get home from school and often have to turn around and get dinner for a large family because my mother was in hospital again. Meanwhile other kids who also got home much sooner had a lot more time and more resources. It just varies too much. Of course there are some kids who refuse to do homework - there are many reasons for that too. With my boys - they simply couldn't concentrate after their medications have worn off for the day. We would have huge battles over homework and it was bliss when we stopped having to worry about it because all the work was at last getting done during school hours (when their medications were on board to help them concentrate).</p><p></p><p>Until you stop reacting, this is not going to improve. There is no magic pill that will suddenly turn him into an angel. Medication may help in some ways but not if you're reacting to him like this. You need to behave toward him as you would like him to behave toward you. If some battles always set you or him off, then simply don't have those battles. Basket C. Learn to walk away BEFORE you say the wrong thing, not after.</p><p></p><p>Forget about trying to change difficult child or husband - you're stuck with them as they are. All you can change is you. This will be what begins to change them, in their time.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 25871, member: 1991"] Somehow you have to stop yourself reacting. Stop CARING so much because in doing so you are giving his words power to hurt you. The more he knows this the more he will use it against you. A big first step - stop battling him over homework. Is it helping? Doesn't sound like it. If you've tried and he's refusing, then let him fight the school over it. If the school rings you and nags you about his failure to do homework, make it clear that you are refusing to engage him on this topic any more. If the school requires the homework to be done and it's not being done, then the school will have to decide what to do. Frankly, in cases like this, I think schools should re-evaluate their expected outcomes. I really dislike the whole concept of homework because it discriminates against the kids who, for various reasons, have difficulties there (and not necessarily due to refusal). I used to have trouble with homework because I'd get home from school and often have to turn around and get dinner for a large family because my mother was in hospital again. Meanwhile other kids who also got home much sooner had a lot more time and more resources. It just varies too much. Of course there are some kids who refuse to do homework - there are many reasons for that too. With my boys - they simply couldn't concentrate after their medications have worn off for the day. We would have huge battles over homework and it was bliss when we stopped having to worry about it because all the work was at last getting done during school hours (when their medications were on board to help them concentrate). Until you stop reacting, this is not going to improve. There is no magic pill that will suddenly turn him into an angel. Medication may help in some ways but not if you're reacting to him like this. You need to behave toward him as you would like him to behave toward you. If some battles always set you or him off, then simply don't have those battles. Basket C. Learn to walk away BEFORE you say the wrong thing, not after. Forget about trying to change difficult child or husband - you're stuck with them as they are. All you can change is you. This will be what begins to change them, in their time. Marg [/QUOTE]
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