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I am really ANGRY Now!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 250508" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Gwenny, </p><p> </p><p>Well on one hand I can't say I blame her. I was married to a psychopath and have been told on several occasions that there was a higher than normal risk that without hospitalization, therapy and continued supports in place we could die in our sleep. No joke. I put a lock on the door at the tdocs insistance. When asked by the agency - "What do you think of his progress living at home?" the therapist commented "I would not spend one night in that home." </p><p> </p><p>Dude has come a LONG way from those dark days. His bio-father has not. The man is scary and a natural born killer with absolutely no remorse for anything he does. None. To a point - this was our Dude. He was abusive to death of animals, he was a pyromaniac, he had encopreses and urinated everywhere, he was beligerant, he was the kid that did not get even after blisters and nearly loosing a hand - DO NOT TOUCH THE STOVE WHEN HOT. He had a temper, he beat up kids at school, he kicked holes in everything, tore up everything and tried to hurt other kids in daycare hence we're blacklisted from every day care in the area. I could go on and on - but.....my point is - THERE IS HOPE. </p><p> </p><p>You have a kid that is BLOODY BLOODY angry. I mean every day, every minute of the day angry and yes, he could hurt someone fatally - this is not a doubt in my mind after living with Dude. We took EXTREME precautions in our home. And I mean - HOSPITAL TYPE - BARE NAKED NOTHINGNESS precautions. We put bells on doors, and locks on every door. We put our guns at a friends, and locked up our knives, sharp objects, baseball bats, we got rid of any glass bottles, staplers, letter openers....ALL PILLS were locked up. ALL CLEANING CHEMICALS and any kind of poisons (bug spray, off, anything) locked up. </p><p>=Dude thanked us by removing the entire LOCK with a friends flat bar screwdriver and getting what he wanted out of the shed. This led to us putting deadbolts on mostly everything with keys and then when he found the keys ? Combination locks. </p><p> </p><p>We took all our family pictures with glass in the frames and packed them away - any matches, lighters, bbq stuff - even the lighter fluid -car stuff - like power steering fluid and brake fluid - ANYTHING _ and I MEAN MY HOUSE was BARE. </p><p> </p><p>I made old mother hubbard look like martha Stewarts home. </p><p> </p><p>We got ALL OF US into counseling - you live like this and then tell me you don't need counseling - you're lying to yourself. We all went. Then we got Dude placed out of our home. It took forever to see the dogs walk upright. without slinking. It took ME forever to not jolt or startle at the littlest noise. It took me forever to unlock my bedroom door to sleep. I even put a butter tub of christmas balls on top the door knob in case he tried my door at night and all the dogs slept with me. </p><p> </p><p>As far as the counselor saying to the x - "He has a dark side?" I think that was THEATRICS....I can't tell you how many times Dude was seen by people - psychiatrists and the like and not one ever referred to him as Darth Vader - they said he was troubled, and needed a lifetime of help. </p><p> </p><p>So - at this point he's still young......there is still hope. It's a lifetime commitment to therapy - Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, group homes, learning how to set boundaries and keep them....and if you don't want that? Get out. That's the exact advice our therapist told to my DF (dear fiance) - when Dude was 10. If you can deal? Stay, but know that it's going to be a long long road for all of you and what this kid needs most is boundaries, stability, consistency and love mixed with patience. There is a yo-yo effect that goes on with kids in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - and I think that is more taxing somedays than their disorders. They go - the house calms down, you see them there? They are doing better with the restrictions and schedules that NO PARENT could keep up at home, then they seem a little more stable and WHAM - they come back home and sometimes you have little less than 3 days to prepare EVERYONE in our house (the dogs, DF, ME, the neighbors) and the school, the busdriver, and it's literally like someone pulls a rug out from under you and says HA AHA....hope you land on your feet. </p><p> </p><p>The real treat comes when they turn 18 and you're no longer responsible for them and despite ALL your efforts you see little to no improvement. THE BEST thing that happens is when this child that you were sure would become the next serial killer comes to you with a flower and says - I'm really trying Mom, I'm sorry I ever said I hate you - I don't. Then little by little you move away and they grow up to be decent people...</p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry to be so blunt but it is what it is. Since my son already HAD a genetic strike and predisposition to be anti-social or psycho or sociopathic and I'm not seeing any of those traits 9 years of therapy and sacrifice? I really feel better about telling someone else that there IS hope - but it takes a lot of work. You just have to ask yourself - Is this kid - worth it? </p><p> </p><p>Hugs - Our lives are never easy - but we have lots of support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 250508, member: 4964"] Gwenny, Well on one hand I can't say I blame her. I was married to a psychopath and have been told on several occasions that there was a higher than normal risk that without hospitalization, therapy and continued supports in place we could die in our sleep. No joke. I put a lock on the door at the tdocs insistance. When asked by the agency - "What do you think of his progress living at home?" the therapist commented "I would not spend one night in that home." Dude has come a LONG way from those dark days. His bio-father has not. The man is scary and a natural born killer with absolutely no remorse for anything he does. None. To a point - this was our Dude. He was abusive to death of animals, he was a pyromaniac, he had encopreses and urinated everywhere, he was beligerant, he was the kid that did not get even after blisters and nearly loosing a hand - DO NOT TOUCH THE STOVE WHEN HOT. He had a temper, he beat up kids at school, he kicked holes in everything, tore up everything and tried to hurt other kids in daycare hence we're blacklisted from every day care in the area. I could go on and on - but.....my point is - THERE IS HOPE. You have a kid that is BLOODY BLOODY angry. I mean every day, every minute of the day angry and yes, he could hurt someone fatally - this is not a doubt in my mind after living with Dude. We took EXTREME precautions in our home. And I mean - HOSPITAL TYPE - BARE NAKED NOTHINGNESS precautions. We put bells on doors, and locks on every door. We put our guns at a friends, and locked up our knives, sharp objects, baseball bats, we got rid of any glass bottles, staplers, letter openers....ALL PILLS were locked up. ALL CLEANING CHEMICALS and any kind of poisons (bug spray, off, anything) locked up. =Dude thanked us by removing the entire LOCK with a friends flat bar screwdriver and getting what he wanted out of the shed. This led to us putting deadbolts on mostly everything with keys and then when he found the keys ? Combination locks. We took all our family pictures with glass in the frames and packed them away - any matches, lighters, bbq stuff - even the lighter fluid -car stuff - like power steering fluid and brake fluid - ANYTHING _ and I MEAN MY HOUSE was BARE. I made old mother hubbard look like martha Stewarts home. We got ALL OF US into counseling - you live like this and then tell me you don't need counseling - you're lying to yourself. We all went. Then we got Dude placed out of our home. It took forever to see the dogs walk upright. without slinking. It took ME forever to not jolt or startle at the littlest noise. It took me forever to unlock my bedroom door to sleep. I even put a butter tub of christmas balls on top the door knob in case he tried my door at night and all the dogs slept with me. As far as the counselor saying to the x - "He has a dark side?" I think that was THEATRICS....I can't tell you how many times Dude was seen by people - psychiatrists and the like and not one ever referred to him as Darth Vader - they said he was troubled, and needed a lifetime of help. So - at this point he's still young......there is still hope. It's a lifetime commitment to therapy - Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, group homes, learning how to set boundaries and keep them....and if you don't want that? Get out. That's the exact advice our therapist told to my DF (dear fiance) - when Dude was 10. If you can deal? Stay, but know that it's going to be a long long road for all of you and what this kid needs most is boundaries, stability, consistency and love mixed with patience. There is a yo-yo effect that goes on with kids in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - and I think that is more taxing somedays than their disorders. They go - the house calms down, you see them there? They are doing better with the restrictions and schedules that NO PARENT could keep up at home, then they seem a little more stable and WHAM - they come back home and sometimes you have little less than 3 days to prepare EVERYONE in our house (the dogs, DF, ME, the neighbors) and the school, the busdriver, and it's literally like someone pulls a rug out from under you and says HA AHA....hope you land on your feet. The real treat comes when they turn 18 and you're no longer responsible for them and despite ALL your efforts you see little to no improvement. THE BEST thing that happens is when this child that you were sure would become the next serial killer comes to you with a flower and says - I'm really trying Mom, I'm sorry I ever said I hate you - I don't. Then little by little you move away and they grow up to be decent people... I'm sorry to be so blunt but it is what it is. Since my son already HAD a genetic strike and predisposition to be anti-social or psycho or sociopathic and I'm not seeing any of those traits 9 years of therapy and sacrifice? I really feel better about telling someone else that there IS hope - but it takes a lot of work. You just have to ask yourself - Is this kid - worth it? Hugs - Our lives are never easy - but we have lots of support. [/QUOTE]
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