Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I am so glad to find you..
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 311804" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I've adopted four kids and one that was so dangerous it didn't work out.</p><p></p><p>Ten years old is adopting a child who has already developed. Most likely she has been through hell. I was told most foster children have been sexually abused. Aside from that, she must have some attachment issues. This has very little to do with how your parenting skills are. I'm positive you did your best and loved the girls. But kids who come into our homes at that age are hardly blank slates and sadly some are too damaged to love back. Your daughter's behavior is very common, if not the MOST common, in children who have never been loved in ten years. </p><p></p><p>Have the girls ever been in treatament? Ever evaluated for attachment issues? Every seen a neuropsychologist? Often, when adoptive kids have reunions with their bio families, they are more like them than us. Biology is huge! They may have Borderline (BPD) too. Their life experiences plus heredity play big parts here, NOT YOU!!!! Your family is dreaming that if you love these older adopted kids enough it will be one, big happy family. If only...</p><p></p><p></p><p>You did a good job. You gave them a family and a chance and, no matter what, things may have been worse for them if they had NEVER had stabiity.. They are acting out not just in the moment, but from a lifetime of abuse and neglect before they even met you. I always warn future adoptive parents that if they want unconditional love from a child, adopt an infant. Our older child adoptions were very different. The less years of neglect these kids experience, t he better the overall prognosis. We adopted one boy at 11 and he turned out to be so dangerous that we had to send him away. He didn't understand love, didn't want it, and was dangerous to our younger kids and pets.</p><p></p><p>Just know that it's NOT your fault. The girls need intensive therapy, but at their ages, nobody can force them into it. (((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 311804, member: 1550"] I've adopted four kids and one that was so dangerous it didn't work out. Ten years old is adopting a child who has already developed. Most likely she has been through hell. I was told most foster children have been sexually abused. Aside from that, she must have some attachment issues. This has very little to do with how your parenting skills are. I'm positive you did your best and loved the girls. But kids who come into our homes at that age are hardly blank slates and sadly some are too damaged to love back. Your daughter's behavior is very common, if not the MOST common, in children who have never been loved in ten years. Have the girls ever been in treatament? Ever evaluated for attachment issues? Every seen a neuropsychologist? Often, when adoptive kids have reunions with their bio families, they are more like them than us. Biology is huge! They may have Borderline (BPD) too. Their life experiences plus heredity play big parts here, NOT YOU!!!! Your family is dreaming that if you love these older adopted kids enough it will be one, big happy family. If only... You did a good job. You gave them a family and a chance and, no matter what, things may have been worse for them if they had NEVER had stabiity.. They are acting out not just in the moment, but from a lifetime of abuse and neglect before they even met you. I always warn future adoptive parents that if they want unconditional love from a child, adopt an infant. Our older child adoptions were very different. The less years of neglect these kids experience, t he better the overall prognosis. We adopted one boy at 11 and he turned out to be so dangerous that we had to send him away. He didn't understand love, didn't want it, and was dangerous to our younger kids and pets. Just know that it's NOT your fault. The girls need intensive therapy, but at their ages, nobody can force them into it. (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I am so glad to find you..
Top