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I am so sad yet so darn angry
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 678318" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Rosie Hi and welcome to the forum...You have gotten great thinking and support here from those who have posted. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>...and that is really all you need to say. There is help here if she wants it. Help that will really help her, not prolong what is already going on.</p><p></p><p>My brother is an active alcoholic, and my sister was talking with a friend the other day whose 33 year old son finally has gotten clean (after four rehabs and a whole lot of pain for everybody). The friend said this: Once someone told me, and I finally heard them, this: You are killing him with your enabling. You are literally killing him with all of the "helping" you are providing. The friend said that was the turnaround day for her, and she started working to stop enabling.</p><p></p><p>My sister went to my parents and told them that story. Who knows if they heard her or were ready to hear her? It doesn't matter. We get it when we get it. THEY get it when they get it. We can't hurry it up or talk it into being any sooner than it will be. You are doing the 100 percent right thing in my view. And it is very hard to do and sustain. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Of course he does. He says outright what we all feel about our DCs. We miss them, we are scared to death for them, and we so want things to be different. But they aren't, and they won't be, until our DCs turn and walk in a new direction...and even then it will be up and down, and back and forth. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Your energy has to move toward your own life, and working on yourself. I know that is very strange, but it is true. Once you start working on YOU, then everything will start to change for you...and ultimately...maybe...for her. it sounds like you have already walked down the road of detachment for a while. That is so good. I hope you are reading and studying and working on your own recovery from enabling. It is both a hard study and the most worthwhile study of my own life. I am today thankful for the reasons I had to start my own recovery, and today I like myself a whole lot better in so many areas of my life---not just in my relationship with my qualifiers. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is a physical pain that seems to last forever. We hurt. It is the hardest pain to live with, because these are our kids. Our very own kids, and we love them desperately and it's so hard, almost impossible, to see them in this kind of trouble and pain. We understand here. We are glad you are with us, and we will walk with you and support you. Keep posting here, Rosie and keep us posted on you. Warm hugs this morning.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 678318, member: 17542"] Rosie Hi and welcome to the forum...You have gotten great thinking and support here from those who have posted. ...and that is really all you need to say. There is help here if she wants it. Help that will really help her, not prolong what is already going on. My brother is an active alcoholic, and my sister was talking with a friend the other day whose 33 year old son finally has gotten clean (after four rehabs and a whole lot of pain for everybody). The friend said this: Once someone told me, and I finally heard them, this: You are killing him with your enabling. You are literally killing him with all of the "helping" you are providing. The friend said that was the turnaround day for her, and she started working to stop enabling. My sister went to my parents and told them that story. Who knows if they heard her or were ready to hear her? It doesn't matter. We get it when we get it. THEY get it when they get it. We can't hurry it up or talk it into being any sooner than it will be. You are doing the 100 percent right thing in my view. And it is very hard to do and sustain. Of course he does. He says outright what we all feel about our DCs. We miss them, we are scared to death for them, and we so want things to be different. But they aren't, and they won't be, until our DCs turn and walk in a new direction...and even then it will be up and down, and back and forth. Your energy has to move toward your own life, and working on yourself. I know that is very strange, but it is true. Once you start working on YOU, then everything will start to change for you...and ultimately...maybe...for her. it sounds like you have already walked down the road of detachment for a while. That is so good. I hope you are reading and studying and working on your own recovery from enabling. It is both a hard study and the most worthwhile study of my own life. I am today thankful for the reasons I had to start my own recovery, and today I like myself a whole lot better in so many areas of my life---not just in my relationship with my qualifiers. It is a physical pain that seems to last forever. We hurt. It is the hardest pain to live with, because these are our kids. Our very own kids, and we love them desperately and it's so hard, almost impossible, to see them in this kind of trouble and pain. We understand here. We are glad you are with us, and we will walk with you and support you. Keep posting here, Rosie and keep us posted on you. Warm hugs this morning. [/QUOTE]
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