I am sooooooo lucky...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterby, Aug 13, 2009.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    ...that difficult child doesn't have the therapist snowed like so many horror stories I've read about here.

    difficult child bluntly told therapist that my treatment of her borders on abuse. :surprise: :stopglass:

    Just plain shock. Shocked. She has *no* idea. None. OMG. She is the most egocentric person on the planet!!!

    I'm not 100% confident in my anonymity on the board with difficult child (maybe her paranoia is wearing off on me, but I'd rather err on the side of caution at the moment), so I'll leave the rest for later. Suffice it say, I have a very sick child that really needs intensive treatment but with no known ways to fund it.

    By the time I left the appointment, my muscles were painfully tensed and actually bulging around my neck and shoulders. I came home, smoked a cigarette, took a klonopin, changed clothes, peed, and smoked another cigarette.

    And now I'm going to go play some mindless games on pogo and try to relax so I can get some sleep. I've been up over 24 hours.

    If you have some strength to spare, I could use some.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I really hope you find a way to fund the sort of treatment difficult child needs... you must be absolutely heartbroken. :(
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sending positive thoughts and strength that you find a way to get difficult child the intensive treatment she needs. And I'll add some hugs, too.
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Wow. Hugs. That is just, well just wow. I am glad her therapist can see thru her ****. I am also glad that difficult child went back to therapy. That is amazing. I was wondering if you were going to get her to go back.
  5. maril

    maril New Member

    I hope you will be able to get some rest soon. You must be exhausted. I am sending wishes for strength your way. Take care.
  6. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Hang in there. Sending strength you way. I hope you can relax and recharge.

  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey! Sounds like the hands are full. Here's what I would recommend. Get yourself a free parent advocate. The Jewish Board of Children and Family Services can help you find both the funding and if necessary placement as well.

    While they (the govm't) don't acknowlegde it, there is funding out there for our kids. With the background that has ramped up over the years, difficult child could very well score some sort of funding. If you're on medicaid or medicaid waiver, there very well could be a lot out there.

    The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill maintains a helpline for information on mental illnesses and referrals to local groups. The local self-help groups have support and advocacy components and offer education and information about community services for families and individuals. For information about the Alliance's affiliates and activities in your State, contact:
    NAMI Ohio
    747 East Broad Street
    Columbus, OH 43205-1001
    Phone: 614-224-2700
    Fax: 614-224-5400
    Toll-free: 800-686-2646 (Statewide)


    Listen, you have too much on your plate - if you need me to research some stuff, let me know. I'd be happy to dig for you - you've been such a great friend to me and I respect you so much, that it would be a priveldge to help!

  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending many hugs and a gentle neck massage. Hope you can get some rest soon.
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

  10. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Devastating to have it laid out in such blunt terms. At least therapist knows the score.

    Sending you positive vibes. I'm so sorry. You got some good information and leads from people here. I love this place.

  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Sending you all the strength that I've used in the past. I've boxed it up for just such an occasion if you'd like it? It's yours. Hugs.
  12. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Thank you, ladies.

    I was quite overwhelmed last night.

    difficult child did not go to the therapist appointment. I went alone. I was there for almost 2 hours. This therapist is priceless.

    She says difficult child has severe Borderline (BPD) and traits of various other personality disorders, namely PPD. I don't like that one (tic) and suggested that depression can make one very paranoid, as I was extremely paranoid when I was severely depressed. She agreed, but read off the traits - hallmarks of the disorder. Then she read off the diagnostic criteria; 4 are needed for the diagnosis. She hit 4 criteria by the 4th criteria. Sigh.... It still could be depression, but it at least tells us about her thinking.

    I have another appointment on Monday and therapist wants easy child and his girlfriend to come. I'm going to see if my mom can make it, too. easy child has to work and he's going to try to switch shifts with someone - he didn't seem to keen on doing that and I don't really blame him. He's had to deal with this enough. girlfriend is very keen on going, but I don't know if she has to work. They've both just started new jobs, so calling off really isn't an option.

    therapist wants me to force difficult child to go to the appts. She said we may need to do an intervention. :surprise: I covered my face with my hands and said, please tell me you're going to be there for that. She said definitely and if we have to we could do it at home. Did I mention, priceless? I don't know how I feel about the intervention. I told therapist that difficult child would "lose her mind" and therapist said, well then she would open the door for emergent intensive services. She feels the suicide ideation with difficult child is more of a manipulation tactic.

    Want to hear about irony? difficult child says my (actually, ours as she means everyone) treatment of her borders on abuse. therapist got out a book about overindulgent parents. I have to admit, I have been overindulgent. It wasn't intentional. I think it was more taking the path of least resistance because I just haven't been able to deal with the behavior. Regardless, I am guilty of it.

    So, today difficult child wants a new pair of pants and a new flat iron (these are for school). I told her she had to clean her room first then we would order them. She told me she needs help. I told her she's 14 years old, she made the mess, she can do it herself. She proceeded to argue a bit (she claims she wasn't arguing, just asking questions) and I told her that I wasn't going to help her. Normally, I would have. I don't do a lot, but I would have helped. I'm so proud of me for sticking to my guns. :D And guess what, she could do it all by herself. Shocking, I know. :tongue:

    My muscles are still pretty tense, but not as bad as last night. And I'm trying not to think about it too much - as far as obsessing on it - because I feel like I can't breathe when I do. One day at a time.

    Thank you for the support, good thoughts, hugs, prayers and strength. I don't know what I would do without you all.

  13. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    My mom thinks that doing anything like confronting difficult child about what is wrong with her and the help she needs will send difficult child over the edge. I guess she'd rather ignore it? difficult child is sick. Chances are with her disorders, she's going to go over the edge at some point. I'd rather it be in a controlled environment. I'd rather she get the help than live her life miserable, full of bad choices and then going over the edge. My mom doesn't want to go to the therapist appointment on Monday, either. She doesn't even work Monday, so it's not like she'd have to take off work.

    I don't get it. When easy child was severely depressed and his therapist was recommending Residential Treatment Center (RTC), she was against that, too. Saying it would push him over the edge.

    easy child doesn't think he can switch with anyone next week. They're doing inventory next week. He's going to see if he can go in late. His girlfriend is available, though.
  14. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Heather, my son has been in a therapeutic wilderness program in Georgia for 7 weeks. We placed him there after psychological/personality testing in April revealed that he was in danger of developing an Avoidant Personality Disorder unless he received intensive therapeutic interventions that we determined exceeded the resources that our community offered.

    My husband's family (parents and 2 brothers) have done nothing but criticize our decision because they deem there is nothing wrong with J, and if we just leave him alone, he will grow up just fine. The irony is that J is thriving in the wilderness environment and making more progress this summer than he's made in years. And we're also feeling optimistic about his future for the first time in years.

    Not surprisingly, J's wilderness therapist recommended that J go on to a longer-term therapeutic placement for the school year, where he can continue to build on the progress he's made this summer. So J will leave wilderness on August 27 and enroll at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in Utah on August 28. Needless to say, we're getting the same old chorus of naysaying from husband's family. They're now telling us that J will feel unloved and unwanted and that it breaks their hearts that we have to send him so far away from home.

    I know our stories are different, but I think the take-away value may be the same: You know what your daughter needs just the way we know what our son needs. You don't need your mother to get your daughter that help. Hang tough and do what you have to do. You can do this because your daughter needs you to.

  15. maril

    maril New Member

    Well said. I hope you might get some rest this weekend and feel better. I am sending wishes for you to stay strong to get through Monday, etc., and hope your daughter will continue to benefit with the help of therapist and all.
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Here's another hug for you. Hang in there. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. DDD
  17. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I think SW said it well.
    W also has no idea how much you have neglected your own health and given up to make sure she was doing well mentally.
    I think you do know your Daughter, even if her diagnosis changes. You still know her. In your heart you know what she needs, even if it breaks your heart more, or hers.

    I wish we had easy answers.
  18. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Thank you, ladies.

    SW, you are right. It would be nice to have the support, though. I also know if I go ahead with something like this, I will hear about it all the time. And if it doesn't work out it will be my fault for making things worse.

    However, my mom doesn't live with difficult child. She doesn't even really like to have her overnight.

    I just wish I knew the right thing instead of always second guessing myself.

    One day at a time.....