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I am terrified!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 334339" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome, Cinders.</p><p></p><p>If you can, get your sister to join us here, or at the very least, read this thread. If she is able to accept the description you have given, then she hopefully will see people's responses here as intended to help, to support her (and you) and help the child also.</p><p></p><p>Allowing this to continue is not helping the child. You said, </p><p></p><p>I'm betting she is actually a very fast learner. The trouble is, the longer this continues, the more she learns that she can continue behaving this way and can't be stopped. The more she is watched constantly, supervised and thwarted, the more it will be come a game to her, to try and defeat those who watch. Very unhealthy.</p><p></p><p>Given an early enough start and the right kind of help, this can improve. No promises, except that if nothing is done now, it WILL get worse.</p><p></p><p>Intervention ASAP is the best chance for long-term success. So many individuals here need this little girl's behaviour to be stopped. The girl herself; the mother; you; her sibling; her teachers; her classmates; other people in the neighbourhood; the dog; other pets in the neighbourhood. People here now; people in the future. Animals here now and in the future. </p><p></p><p>Kids learn, but not always the lessons we expect. It does sound like this little girl is learning what SHE can do. The usual social lessons use punishment, including shame and embarrassment, as incentive to learn. But if she feels no shame or embarrassment, then the lesson she learns will not be the one you want. She is also learning to punish and embarrass others because that is what is being tried on her. You have observed considerable control of her actions. The usual brakes (such as a conscience) don't seem to be in place. This is not your sister's fault, but if she doesn't take strong measures, then it could be. Something WILL go wrong, if nothing is done. THings are going wrong already.</p><p></p><p>The really scary thing, as other parents on this site will tell you, is that there is likely to be a lot more happening than either you or your sister are fully aware of. With other here, the child doing harm had to be out of the way for some time (in treatment) before the other children in the home felt safe enough to finally tell the whole story about the things that had really been going on.</p><p></p><p>She's not too young for treatment. The younger she is, the best chance she has.</p><p></p><p>I hope this is enough for you to help your sister. It really is a difficult situation for you. As for your sister - what she must be going through seems unthinkable. There are others on this site who will know how she feels. And I don't say that lightly.</p><p></p><p>Keep us posted on how this progresses.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 334339, member: 1991"] Welcome, Cinders. If you can, get your sister to join us here, or at the very least, read this thread. If she is able to accept the description you have given, then she hopefully will see people's responses here as intended to help, to support her (and you) and help the child also. Allowing this to continue is not helping the child. You said, I'm betting she is actually a very fast learner. The trouble is, the longer this continues, the more she learns that she can continue behaving this way and can't be stopped. The more she is watched constantly, supervised and thwarted, the more it will be come a game to her, to try and defeat those who watch. Very unhealthy. Given an early enough start and the right kind of help, this can improve. No promises, except that if nothing is done now, it WILL get worse. Intervention ASAP is the best chance for long-term success. So many individuals here need this little girl's behaviour to be stopped. The girl herself; the mother; you; her sibling; her teachers; her classmates; other people in the neighbourhood; the dog; other pets in the neighbourhood. People here now; people in the future. Animals here now and in the future. Kids learn, but not always the lessons we expect. It does sound like this little girl is learning what SHE can do. The usual social lessons use punishment, including shame and embarrassment, as incentive to learn. But if she feels no shame or embarrassment, then the lesson she learns will not be the one you want. She is also learning to punish and embarrass others because that is what is being tried on her. You have observed considerable control of her actions. The usual brakes (such as a conscience) don't seem to be in place. This is not your sister's fault, but if she doesn't take strong measures, then it could be. Something WILL go wrong, if nothing is done. THings are going wrong already. The really scary thing, as other parents on this site will tell you, is that there is likely to be a lot more happening than either you or your sister are fully aware of. With other here, the child doing harm had to be out of the way for some time (in treatment) before the other children in the home felt safe enough to finally tell the whole story about the things that had really been going on. She's not too young for treatment. The younger she is, the best chance she has. I hope this is enough for you to help your sister. It really is a difficult situation for you. As for your sister - what she must be going through seems unthinkable. There are others on this site who will know how she feels. And I don't say that lightly. Keep us posted on how this progresses. Marg [/QUOTE]
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