I better never die

[JJJ]

husband is a great guy and really does try with our kids. I think he might be a touch Aspie though. Any time something doesn't go "the way it should" he calls me to handle it. He's at the pharmacy getting the kids medications and I ended up having to get on the phone with the pharmacist to get it all straightened out. (Our psychiatrist writes her scripts weird.)

I know husband is improving as last year he would have walked out of the pharmacy and told me when he got home to go deal with it. This time he called me and asked what to do, got frustrated and had me call the pharmacist, but he stayed there while we straightened it out and is on his way home with the medications.

But I swear, I better not die, I don't know how my family would survive.

 

[1905]

I swear, they're all alike!!Hey the improvemant is he called you! He stayed. They don't want to know too much-Alyssa

 

[timer lady]

Triple J,

I was thinking the same thing. There is a family emergency with my aunt likely to die. I have no coverage & found out exactly how clueless husband is....

I commented to mental health CM that we better put an emergency plan in place in case I get sick or worse.

You have my empathy - I'm glad your husband figured to stay at the pharmacy. Maybe next time.. :future:

 

[guest3]

ditto, I told counselor if I die to go to my parents, not d/h

 

[crazymama30]

I have been thinking about typing a document in which I say please do not allow husband to raise our children alone. That really scares me. I would have to put it in a sealed envelope and give it to someone I trust.

 

[wakeupcall]

Ditto, ditto, ditto and ditto............

 

[Alisonlg]

I say relish in the little improvements...it's a sign of hope! :wink:

Glad he stuck around the pharmacy! My husband probably would have come home empty handed. He's a man of litte patience and and poor attention to detail. If the medications weren't needed THAT NIGHT, he would have sent me the next day.

 

[nlg319]

My marriage is ending because my husband and I have vastly different ideas of parenting. difficult child#3 isn't legally adopted yet, and I don't want husband to adopt him because I don't want his influence on my child. I don't even care about the child support he would have to pay. My husband is clueless..... :crazy:

 

[gcvmom]

We just had a little "chat" about that here, too :laugh: Same problems, same issues. husband gets overwhelmed in a crisis and defers to me, or in my absence forgets the "routine" for things like medications... very maddening for me and I feel like the burden for remembering everything and solving every crisis falls on my shoulders.

Not fair! Not fair! Not fair!

I recently pointed out to husband that short of giving difficult children their medications before I go anywhere, I made the job of giving medications in my absence a NO BRAINER: pill boxes by day of the week and by am/pm! All he has to do is remember to GIVE it to them! He doesn't have to find the rx bottle, read the bottle or count out the pills! He just has to make sure they take them! And STILL, he will tell them to take their medications, but not follow through and actually check to see if it was done :rolleyes:

 

[On_Call]

Gosh, do you use the same doctor or pharmacy?? :rofl:

My husband is the same way - he definitely would either have left the pharmacy or called me on the cell phone to tell me I had to come down there and *&()%&^&( straighten it out because he wouldn't know what the deal was.

He has gotten better over the years, but jeesh. I know exactly what you're saying. And, he has no interest at all in researching the medications that difficult child has and is taking. He defers all of that to me. I end up researching and boiling the info down and running it by him after I've pretty much made up my mind what we're going to do anyway. I would feel bad about it, but he prefers it that way, I know he does.

I have also thought about what might happen if something happened to both husband and I - what then would someone do with difficult child (and easy child for that matter).

Perhaps we should go on a trek to find the fountain of youth? Couldn't hurt!!

 

[wakeupcall]

My husband doesn't have a clue where difficult child's medications even ARE. If I don't remember (veeeeery seldom), well let's just say it's MY fault. But everything in this household is my fault anyway. Just ask difficult child!! He blames ME because his shoes come untied or anything else in the day. *Sigh*....it gets very old holding everything up.

 

[Marguerite]

Oh boy, can I relate to this one! While husband is great with difficult child 3's medications, he's been losing his temper a lot with difficult child 3 lately and as a result, increasingly undermining a lot of good progress previously made. Sometimes shouting at difficult child 3 when he's mid-rant about something (or mid-whine) will shock him into silence, but it comes at a cost. And I can't even correct him, not without undermining him (and our alleged united front).

It's like walking a tightrope. difficult child 3 was getting really good at balancing on the tightrope, getting confidence that husband & I are there as his supports and not his obstacles, but every time we 'break the rules' and change the discipline methods we'd agreed on and which have been working, it's like shaking the tightrope and expecting difficult child 3 to not fall off. And with each shake, his confidence and balance slips, until finally it seems we're back to where we started, and worse - screaming matches, total loss of control, communication breakdowns and reactions out of anger.

I hate being the only one who can answer the questions ("Mum! How long do I microwave this soup for?"), stop people throttling each other (figuratively) and being the repository of all historical understanding - and then being completely overridden in all prior agreements of how we will handle a particular situation. But if I go for a walk to calm down, what will I find when I get back? I shudder to think.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for, husband & I do get on very well in many ways, but when the wheels fall off (as always happens) it seems they fall off badly. And because I haven't been in a position to sit privately, quietly with husband to talk about these problems (due to living in a goldfish bowl for the past few weeks) we're now seeing some ghastly problems reappearing, which I thought we'd put behind us.

I know we're all tired, but please, people - never relax your vigilance or relax your rules. Remain consistent and try to nip problems in the bud, or they will get big and nasty. It's like a favourite knitted jumper which has developed a small hole - if you don't step in and darn it quick, the hole will grow until a small darn has become a huge patch, or maybe a need to get a new jumper.

One day I won't be needed so much, so intensively and then I can get some semblance of a life back. One day...

Marg