I called PO today. (VENT)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jul 22, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    For one thing, I forgot to get a name and number to contact about child support yesterday. For another, I told him I though it was best for difficult child to go to a group home upon release, then after the requirements and evaluation's and all were done, if I could meet my part, he could come home. This seemed a lot preferable than having difficult child come straight home then find out there's no way to meet all their demands and have to send him right back out of the home, probably after more threats and court hearings.

    He kept telling me the situation was different than with the probation officer, but it is not. The only person that has changed in all this is the PO and in my experience, everything has always seemed fine until the kid is home and the parent has signed agreement then all the demands come flying out. I reiterated that I thought it was in difficult child's best interest to go to a group home first as a step-down, then come home.

    He said the group homes are horrible and all the kids are either sexual offenders or kids that can't go home because they committed a violent offense against a family member. (Have we forgotten here that difficult child pulled a knife out on me? And I'm not saying he can never come home, just that the terms need to be established before I commit to it- I'm not saying that I establish all those rules, but darnit- I need to at least know what they are and that it's possible for me to commit to them.) And that difficult child might even be too young to go to a group home.

    Sorry, but I think there are many kids in Department of Juvenile Justice that have a lot less parental involvement than difficult child and not all are sexual or violent offenders and many need a placement other than home or extended family upon release. I told the PO that he might be a great person but there is no way anymore for me to have the blind faith in people in court services unit (csu) in this county or commit blindly to whatever they might end up ordering- ever again. They order mental health treatment then tie my hands so I can't get difficult child the help those prof's say he needs because they say local Department of Juvenile Justice is in difficult child's control, then they refuse to recommend that help recommended but through difficult child in Department of Juvenile Justice when it all falls apart. He said "why would people send a kid home to make demands that can't be met just so they can end up putting the parent in jail for not complying or the kid back in incarceration?" I said I don't know, but this is what happened to us and it happens many times and that's exactly my point- it's a set up for disaster.

    He said "if you (being me) have difficult child put in a group home, he will come out much, much worse". Now I stopped the conversation, nicely, and changed the subject, but here is where I start resenting things. If they are in control of things, then they need to take responsibility for it. Isn't it their responsibility to find appropriate placement for difficult child- after all, I can't even do a parental placement. I brought that up to- I can't do a parental placement because difficult child was in their control, but if I didn't do what they ordered (which was impossible) then I was threatened with being taken to court to have parental rights and custody removed with them saying dss would do whatever they wanted with difficult child and it would be my fault. **** on this. If they think it's so much better for difficult child to be at home, why do they make impossible demands then hold an axe over our head?

    I can't take this type of pressure. I don't trust the people over there because there is way too much bad history and that won't change. I know this PO has said a lot of things that sound good, but he hasn't and won't put anything in writing about what requirements difficult child or I will have- other than that one will be a mentor for difficult child. Then he expects me to sign a blank contract, basicly, that doesn't have those blanks filled in. They all do that- to get the kid home. If they want to be pulling all the strings, why isn't it their butts taken to court instead of the parent's? I'm so over it. As I said, I can't take it again and won't put difficult child through it again.

    I'm going to start serious steps to move now. I'm thinking I'll touch base with the CSU in whatever location I move to and if I feel like I can never trust them, then difficult child just might be at their mercy. But he's not coming back home into the same situation he deteriorated in. I appreciate the PO taking the time to put my fears to rest by throwing more words out, but I think I'm at a point where we'd be less frustrated if he'd just acknowledge that I will never feel comfortable with our csu people and move on to where to go from here.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    PO is right. Most group homes will expose your son to children more severe than him. He may very well come out worse than he went in. Not saying that he should come straight home, a group home may be the best choice but the PO is correct about what type of children he will be housed with. There are some good group homes but there are many more bad ones.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Then exactly WHY are these people not grateful that a parent is willing to take the child back home and do as much as they can, when it's a parent who has proven time and time again that they do what they can, instead of trying to create an ideal situation for a kid that a parent cannot live up to? IOW- I can't do ABCDE, but I can do ABC. If difficult child would be so much worse someplace else- whether group home or foster care or whatever, why don't THEY agree and commit to only requiring ABC from the parent instead of threatening to have the parent thrown in jail and the kid removed (which puts them in the original "bad place", right?) if the parent cannot possibly do D & E? If the PO really understands this, why isn't HE committing to it? difficult child's post-release requirements (and mine) are solely up to the PO- he could commit to this.

    Really, it's hard for me to have any hope at all that difficult child's future isn't already s***wed.

    Also, I asked about why difficult child would need to be evaluation'd by the county mental health dept- that I have ZERO faith in. difficult child will be coming out of state Department of Juvenile Justice where they have mental health prof's seeing him and treating him- why on earth would he (the PO) not take the recommendations for post-release treatment instead of sending difficult child to someplace new for an evaluation?
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2009