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I can't stand it
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 345773" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>That is what you experience because she expresses this to you, plus she's in the habit of 'pinging' off you.</p><p></p><p>But with a IEP meeting, she would be hearing all the suggestions, possibilities, the "what if we try this...?" comments from OTHER people (not form you) and so would, in a way, be getting the same stuff you tell her, but from impartial independent sources.</p><p></p><p>Plus they would hear her responses and if she expressed things to them with this negativity, it would give them better insight.</p><p></p><p>So two possible outcomes from having her there:</p><p></p><p>1) They see her as she is, always finding the problems and looking at all the suggestions and shooting them down;</p><p></p><p>or</p><p></p><p>2) She would agree (at least publicly) to a range of proposed strategies and would have witnesses saying she agreed. So later on when she says, "I never agreed to this!" other people, not you, would be saying, "Oh yes you did, young lady!"</p><p></p><p>YOU would not be the ogre in either case.</p><p></p><p>You said you're concerned about adding to her stress and you feel having her involved in this process could add to her stress - again, not necessarily. Being part of decisions made on her behalf could actually reduce her stress. It's a part of being in control, of having a say where it concerns her.</p><p></p><p>And if being involved is likely to increase her stress - well, she needs to begin to take control over some decisions in her life (especially those decisions which are monitored and supervised by others) in order to learn in a controlled way and also in order to have some sense of control so she won't reach out and grab control in other areas of her life where it is inappropriate.</p><p></p><p>If she can't make decisions, that's OK. Other people need to see this for themselves, so they can then be better equipped to help her and to also 'head off' possible problems caused by her lack of follow-through.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 345773, member: 1991"] That is what you experience because she expresses this to you, plus she's in the habit of 'pinging' off you. But with a IEP meeting, she would be hearing all the suggestions, possibilities, the "what if we try this...?" comments from OTHER people (not form you) and so would, in a way, be getting the same stuff you tell her, but from impartial independent sources. Plus they would hear her responses and if she expressed things to them with this negativity, it would give them better insight. So two possible outcomes from having her there: 1) They see her as she is, always finding the problems and looking at all the suggestions and shooting them down; or 2) She would agree (at least publicly) to a range of proposed strategies and would have witnesses saying she agreed. So later on when she says, "I never agreed to this!" other people, not you, would be saying, "Oh yes you did, young lady!" YOU would not be the ogre in either case. You said you're concerned about adding to her stress and you feel having her involved in this process could add to her stress - again, not necessarily. Being part of decisions made on her behalf could actually reduce her stress. It's a part of being in control, of having a say where it concerns her. And if being involved is likely to increase her stress - well, she needs to begin to take control over some decisions in her life (especially those decisions which are monitored and supervised by others) in order to learn in a controlled way and also in order to have some sense of control so she won't reach out and grab control in other areas of her life where it is inappropriate. If she can't make decisions, that's OK. Other people need to see this for themselves, so they can then be better equipped to help her and to also 'head off' possible problems caused by her lack of follow-through. Marg [/QUOTE]
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