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I can't stop crying.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 710226" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>We have friends that have a somewhat similar situation. Not uncommon for adopted folks to have issues of various kinds. Sometimes there is mental illness. Sometimes personality issues. Lots of times insecurities. It is weird bundle/cluster of oddities. AND if you combine this with something I'm about to tell you that I learned long ago....</p><p></p><p>Our adopted teen went through this odd period. To our SHOCK, this weird family in their own right, practically adopted her. She slept there, took care of her, etc. She told them greatly exaggerated stories...and my guess is some totally made up ones....all negative.</p><p></p><p>This went on for several weeks. We called the cops. One cop said he has seen this multiple times. The child (sometimes adopted, sometimes troubled...whatever) tells some sad tale of woe and then these adults (usually they have their OWN issues) think they can do better. Or they have some sort of savior complex and take over. The only saving grace is that in our case, we knew at some point they would tire and give up and that is exactly what happened.</p><p></p><p>For our friend in a a bit of a more similar situation as yours....these folks basically never let go. This, in my opinion is a rarity. The adopted daughter started calling the other people "mom" and "dad." It seem to start over some stupid little argument. It began off and on when the girl was a teen (not sure). But then later, when the girl was like 20, she definitely was completely enmeshed with the new family. She, on occasion, does her true adopted family that raised her a "favor" by visiting them now and again, as she considers these other people her true family. MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL. Hopefully, that will NOT be your case. I think that is unlikely. My friend comforts herself by recognizing that her adopted daughter is mentally ill/troubled because healthy people do NOT do these things. </p><p></p><p>It is a huge blessing that your daughter seems academically intelligent, doesn't do drugs and is employed. Honestly, this is huge. Honestly, I would thank the one above for these things. It says something. HOpefully, she is going through something...what in the world it is...hard to say. Some kind of insecurity. Or maybe these people have a personality attribute that she can relate to more than she can relate to with you. Doesn't mean that your way of thinking/living is bad...just different. I think there is a nice chance she will come back and/or see the light.</p><p></p><p>I would leave the door open for her to come back as best as you can. </p><p></p><p>However, I certainly can see where this would be very very painful/difficult. I think you said you are already doing this...but yes, definitely see a therapist for yourself. You have found a good place to get empathy and advice here. </p><p></p><p>As I said, I went through this on a very mini basis and I have a friend who went through this on a major basis. She had to learn to adapt and look at the entire thing differently. Very very hard.</p><p></p><p>I think there is hope for improvement...definitely keep seeing a therapist. Prayers and good thoughts during this very difficult time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 710226, member: 4152"] We have friends that have a somewhat similar situation. Not uncommon for adopted folks to have issues of various kinds. Sometimes there is mental illness. Sometimes personality issues. Lots of times insecurities. It is weird bundle/cluster of oddities. AND if you combine this with something I'm about to tell you that I learned long ago.... Our adopted teen went through this odd period. To our SHOCK, this weird family in their own right, practically adopted her. She slept there, took care of her, etc. She told them greatly exaggerated stories...and my guess is some totally made up ones....all negative. This went on for several weeks. We called the cops. One cop said he has seen this multiple times. The child (sometimes adopted, sometimes troubled...whatever) tells some sad tale of woe and then these adults (usually they have their OWN issues) think they can do better. Or they have some sort of savior complex and take over. The only saving grace is that in our case, we knew at some point they would tire and give up and that is exactly what happened. For our friend in a a bit of a more similar situation as yours....these folks basically never let go. This, in my opinion is a rarity. The adopted daughter started calling the other people "mom" and "dad." It seem to start over some stupid little argument. It began off and on when the girl was a teen (not sure). But then later, when the girl was like 20, she definitely was completely enmeshed with the new family. She, on occasion, does her true adopted family that raised her a "favor" by visiting them now and again, as she considers these other people her true family. MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL. Hopefully, that will NOT be your case. I think that is unlikely. My friend comforts herself by recognizing that her adopted daughter is mentally ill/troubled because healthy people do NOT do these things. It is a huge blessing that your daughter seems academically intelligent, doesn't do drugs and is employed. Honestly, this is huge. Honestly, I would thank the one above for these things. It says something. HOpefully, she is going through something...what in the world it is...hard to say. Some kind of insecurity. Or maybe these people have a personality attribute that she can relate to more than she can relate to with you. Doesn't mean that your way of thinking/living is bad...just different. I think there is a nice chance she will come back and/or see the light. I would leave the door open for her to come back as best as you can. However, I certainly can see where this would be very very painful/difficult. I think you said you are already doing this...but yes, definitely see a therapist for yourself. You have found a good place to get empathy and advice here. As I said, I went through this on a very mini basis and I have a friend who went through this on a major basis. She had to learn to adapt and look at the entire thing differently. Very very hard. I think there is hope for improvement...definitely keep seeing a therapist. Prayers and good thoughts during this very difficult time. [/QUOTE]
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