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I can't stop crying.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 710249" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have just read your latest posts. .First, this is common. Or at least my own son does it. He is always talking about our negativity and how we expect him to be perfect. I do not pay attention. I have my criticisms of him too. Let him think (and say) what he wants. My responsibility as a parent is to do my best to influence my child to be a productive, constructive person....That is how I see my role. Still. If he doesn't like it, oh well.</p><p></p><p>This is horribly traumatic and my heart breaks for her:</p><p> How could she NOT be reeling from this?</p><p></p><p>I would urge you to try your very best to take responsibility for your own emotions and to not burden her with them. In a sense this is what her birth mother did. Make your daughter responsible for the birth mother's emotions, indeed her life. The greatest gift you can give your daughter (and yourself) is to right now, take responsibility for living your own life, and to let her be. Believe me, she will come back. But it is not fair of you to put yourself first, to insist she take care of you, at the price of her own emotional development.</p><p></p><p>She cannot handle this responsibility. She is setting a boundary. Try to hear her. She cannot deal with more. This is what she is telling you. It is not forever, it is for right now.</p><p></p><p>She is like a victim of a crime. What her birth mother did to her was criminal, really. It was vicious and cruel.</p><p></p><p>I would urge you to try to have faith in her and faith in yourselves, that your love will prevail. I believe it has and it will. Whatever you can do to shore yourselves up, I urge you to partake: therapy, art, needlework, walking, nature, spirituality, friendships, dance....but not <em>her</em> right now. She will work this out. And she will come back to you.</p><p></p><p>Right now she must feel she has nobody who is not making demands on her emotionally. I would try very hard to give her space and not make her responsible for your emotions. She is too young to have this burden of taking care of you emotionally, after what she has gone through. She cannot right now live the life you had imagined for her. She is telling you that.</p><p></p><p>She may very well decide to come back and live that very life. But she is telling you she needs a break. Who wouldn't, after what she has gone through?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 710249, member: 18958"] I have just read your latest posts. .First, this is common. Or at least my own son does it. He is always talking about our negativity and how we expect him to be perfect. I do not pay attention. I have my criticisms of him too. Let him think (and say) what he wants. My responsibility as a parent is to do my best to influence my child to be a productive, constructive person....That is how I see my role. Still. If he doesn't like it, oh well. This is horribly traumatic and my heart breaks for her: How could she NOT be reeling from this? I would urge you to try your very best to take responsibility for your own emotions and to not burden her with them. In a sense this is what her birth mother did. Make your daughter responsible for the birth mother's emotions, indeed her life. The greatest gift you can give your daughter (and yourself) is to right now, take responsibility for living your own life, and to let her be. Believe me, she will come back. But it is not fair of you to put yourself first, to insist she take care of you, at the price of her own emotional development. She cannot handle this responsibility. She is setting a boundary. Try to hear her. She cannot deal with more. This is what she is telling you. It is not forever, it is for right now. She is like a victim of a crime. What her birth mother did to her was criminal, really. It was vicious and cruel. I would urge you to try to have faith in her and faith in yourselves, that your love will prevail. I believe it has and it will. Whatever you can do to shore yourselves up, I urge you to partake: therapy, art, needlework, walking, nature, spirituality, friendships, dance....but not [I]her[/I] right now. She will work this out. And she will come back to you. Right now she must feel she has nobody who is not making demands on her emotionally. I would try very hard to give her space and not make her responsible for your emotions. She is too young to have this burden of taking care of you emotionally, after what she has gone through. She cannot right now live the life you had imagined for her. She is telling you that. She may very well decide to come back and live that very life. But she is telling you she needs a break. Who wouldn't, after what she has gone through? [/QUOTE]
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