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I can't stop crying.....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 710259" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think pigless is right on. Suicide is caused by mental illness but I know the victims left brhind tend yo think they could have stopped it if only this, if only that. It isnt about the victims left behind, at least not to the person. It is about the pain inside of the person. Most feel "everyone will be better off without me." Its not rational, but neither is suicide.</p><p></p><p>I cant predict the outcome of all this, but I think it will be helpful if you give her a lot of space then offer family therapy. And I would open the door to her birth family. Obviously she wants them.in her life. You cant stop her need, but you can be a part of it. Or not. It is your decision. Yes, its hard. We want them to ourselves. But its not like that if we adopt. Even thpugh we did all the hard work, it is normal for them to wonder why they have blue eyes or artistic talent or trouble in math. Who created them. Who shares their DNA. </p><p></p><p>I feel having an.open, positive attitute about the birth family really helped our closeness with the kids we adopted. Goneboys issues were related to attachment problems after spending six years in an orphanage. We wrote letters to his birthmother in China after he fell into despair that he was sure she had died in a car accident. He was so distraught I had to let him know she was alive and well and it was not hard to find her.</p><p></p><p> The kids we adopted very young have no attachment problems. But they naturally are curious about their birth families. Its normal.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Please get help for yourself. Without help, I never would have recovered when Goneboy left. Even if this is temporary, and it very well could be at her age, you need to learn to get through it. Crying every day doesnt change anything and harms you. I know its hard. Thats why I recommend therapy.</p><p></p><p>Peace and love to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 710259, member: 1550"] I think pigless is right on. Suicide is caused by mental illness but I know the victims left brhind tend yo think they could have stopped it if only this, if only that. It isnt about the victims left behind, at least not to the person. It is about the pain inside of the person. Most feel "everyone will be better off without me." Its not rational, but neither is suicide. I cant predict the outcome of all this, but I think it will be helpful if you give her a lot of space then offer family therapy. And I would open the door to her birth family. Obviously she wants them.in her life. You cant stop her need, but you can be a part of it. Or not. It is your decision. Yes, its hard. We want them to ourselves. But its not like that if we adopt. Even thpugh we did all the hard work, it is normal for them to wonder why they have blue eyes or artistic talent or trouble in math. Who created them. Who shares their DNA. I feel having an.open, positive attitute about the birth family really helped our closeness with the kids we adopted. Goneboys issues were related to attachment problems after spending six years in an orphanage. We wrote letters to his birthmother in China after he fell into despair that he was sure she had died in a car accident. He was so distraught I had to let him know she was alive and well and it was not hard to find her. The kids we adopted very young have no attachment problems. But they naturally are curious about their birth families. Its normal. Please get help for yourself. Without help, I never would have recovered when Goneboy left. Even if this is temporary, and it very well could be at her age, you need to learn to get through it. Crying every day doesnt change anything and harms you. I know its hard. Thats why I recommend therapy. Peace and love to you. [/QUOTE]
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