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I can't stop the pain
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 413879" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Nancy, I feel like I can speak intelligently as to how your are feeling right now. I have been there with M. It does feel like you are waiting for them to die, or wanting to never deal with them again. It's a perfectly reasonable feeling. We grieve all of the hopes that we had for them when they were young. We even grieve our modified hopes from when they weren't as young. And then we let go as much as we can when we realize that this is their life, and we can't live it for them. </p><p></p><p>I have in the far back corners of my mind always a dread about M. Will he hurt someone? Will he hurt himself? Will he make something of himself and I won't know because I had to give up all of my hopes for him? Will someone ask me about him and I'll know less about him than they do?</p><p></p><p>The thing is, all of the things he is going to do are going to happen with or without my thoughts and interference. I said all those years ago that he took what we offered him in life and threw it away with both hands. I can no more take credit for his accomplishments than I can his failures because he wants nothing and will take nothing from us. At least, not the very limited things we have to offer him at this point in all of our lives. </p><p></p><p>So, I understand why you are grieving and what you are grieving for. I want you to know that it will get easier. It will never go away. But it will get easier.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 413879, member: 99"] Nancy, I feel like I can speak intelligently as to how your are feeling right now. I have been there with M. It does feel like you are waiting for them to die, or wanting to never deal with them again. It's a perfectly reasonable feeling. We grieve all of the hopes that we had for them when they were young. We even grieve our modified hopes from when they weren't as young. And then we let go as much as we can when we realize that this is their life, and we can't live it for them. I have in the far back corners of my mind always a dread about M. Will he hurt someone? Will he hurt himself? Will he make something of himself and I won't know because I had to give up all of my hopes for him? Will someone ask me about him and I'll know less about him than they do? The thing is, all of the things he is going to do are going to happen with or without my thoughts and interference. I said all those years ago that he took what we offered him in life and threw it away with both hands. I can no more take credit for his accomplishments than I can his failures because he wants nothing and will take nothing from us. At least, not the very limited things we have to offer him at this point in all of our lives. So, I understand why you are grieving and what you are grieving for. I want you to know that it will get easier. It will never go away. But it will get easier. [/QUOTE]
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