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I could use some advice please
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 149829" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Hello Jen,</p><p></p><p>Like BBK and MB and others have said, I see some major red flags in the situation.</p><p></p><p>If you do want to remain in the relationship, then Shari's advice is great. Go to counselling together, work out all of your issues together, and work on the relationship together.</p><p></p><p>Don't rush into a marriage that you're not ready for, because you think that will be the answer to all your problems. It won't be. It won't solve any of the problems you and boyfriend are having now, and it will add others to the mix that it doesn't sound like you're ready for.</p><p></p><p>In one of your posts, you mention that at your age you can't afford to make a mistake. That's nonsense. If you're rushing to get married to meet an arbitrary deadline, that is a terrible reason.</p><p></p><p>I worry that your boyfriend feels the need to hide in the bathroom to send text messages behind your back, because he knows that you won't react well to it. I worry that instead of being open to your idea of meeting his friend and trying to be accepting, that he insists he will give up his friendship with her. Clearly he's not willing to do so. His behaviour has shown you that. He told you before that he would break off contact with his friend, and he has clearly not done so.</p><p></p><p>I worry that you want him to break off contact with his friend. That's a very heavy demand to place on someone. I worry that you feel the need to sneak behind his back and look at his text messages. </p><p></p><p>The dynamic between the two of you doesn't sound healthy at all. Between the lying, the lack of trust, and teh ultimatums, I think marriage would be a big mistake right now.</p><p></p><p>Maybe right now is your time to work on your issues. You have been undergoing some pretty intense times, based on your other posts. Maybe that needs to be your focus. Don't rush into a relationship just so that you can have the illusion of security. If you don't have all of your issues sorted out, you'll just be buying yourself years of unhappiness, and possibly years more of therapy to try and sort out the mess.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 149829, member: 3907"] Hello Jen, Like BBK and MB and others have said, I see some major red flags in the situation. If you do want to remain in the relationship, then Shari's advice is great. Go to counselling together, work out all of your issues together, and work on the relationship together. Don't rush into a marriage that you're not ready for, because you think that will be the answer to all your problems. It won't be. It won't solve any of the problems you and boyfriend are having now, and it will add others to the mix that it doesn't sound like you're ready for. In one of your posts, you mention that at your age you can't afford to make a mistake. That's nonsense. If you're rushing to get married to meet an arbitrary deadline, that is a terrible reason. I worry that your boyfriend feels the need to hide in the bathroom to send text messages behind your back, because he knows that you won't react well to it. I worry that instead of being open to your idea of meeting his friend and trying to be accepting, that he insists he will give up his friendship with her. Clearly he's not willing to do so. His behaviour has shown you that. He told you before that he would break off contact with his friend, and he has clearly not done so. I worry that you want him to break off contact with his friend. That's a very heavy demand to place on someone. I worry that you feel the need to sneak behind his back and look at his text messages. The dynamic between the two of you doesn't sound healthy at all. Between the lying, the lack of trust, and teh ultimatums, I think marriage would be a big mistake right now. Maybe right now is your time to work on your issues. You have been undergoing some pretty intense times, based on your other posts. Maybe that needs to be your focus. Don't rush into a relationship just so that you can have the illusion of security. If you don't have all of your issues sorted out, you'll just be buying yourself years of unhappiness, and possibly years more of therapy to try and sort out the mess. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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