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I could use some advice please
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 149957" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Jen</p><p> </p><p>I'm sort of wondering why you two decided to marry....if just the thought is scaring him to death?? Nervous, yeah ok. Especially after a bad first marriage. But scared to death would make me wonder. Maybe he needs a bit more time.</p><p> </p><p>Trust issues you obviously have. I can say that because I have them too. lol </p><p> </p><p>If he's been friends with this person for 18 yrs and it hasn't become physical (or maybe did and was over) odds are romance is not happening.</p><p> </p><p>My Mom divorced her 2nd husband when I was 6. He died when I was 22. All those years in between they were the best of friends, they even took care and watched out for each other. But romance?? No. That part of the relationship was over. Mom's 3rd husband couldn't handle the friendship or get a grip on his jealousy. Their marriage crumbled after only 2 yrs. (and this was with Mom keeping her distance from the ex 2nd husband)</p><p> </p><p>When husband and I first got married rumor had it that his first wife was out to "get him back". Instead of getting jealous (I figured that she'd left and divorced, odds are she didn't), I called her. We had a nice pleasant chat that was the start of many years of friendship. Drove husband batty. lol by the way she had no interest in romance with husband again, that was done and over with.</p><p> </p><p>A friendship of so many years is going to be terribly hard to just chuck because your girlfriend has issues. husband and I've been married almost 25 yrs and if he told me he didn't want me being friends with someone I'd have a fit, then tell him to deal with it as it's his issue not mine. Believe it or not, we've had a few such conversations.</p><p> </p><p>So if it were me, and I thought I wouldn't be able to take the friendship at face value, that it would bother me and make me wonder....... Well, I'd be putting on marriage until I was sure I could deal with it and accept it.</p><p> </p><p>Why don't you go out to lunch with her? Maybe if you meet her you'll see why husband values her friendship so much. And heck, maybe you'll strike up a new friendship yourself.</p><p> </p><p>Just my .02 cents worth.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 149957, member: 84"] Jen I'm sort of wondering why you two decided to marry....if just the thought is scaring him to death?? Nervous, yeah ok. Especially after a bad first marriage. But scared to death would make me wonder. Maybe he needs a bit more time. Trust issues you obviously have. I can say that because I have them too. lol If he's been friends with this person for 18 yrs and it hasn't become physical (or maybe did and was over) odds are romance is not happening. My Mom divorced her 2nd husband when I was 6. He died when I was 22. All those years in between they were the best of friends, they even took care and watched out for each other. But romance?? No. That part of the relationship was over. Mom's 3rd husband couldn't handle the friendship or get a grip on his jealousy. Their marriage crumbled after only 2 yrs. (and this was with Mom keeping her distance from the ex 2nd husband) When husband and I first got married rumor had it that his first wife was out to "get him back". Instead of getting jealous (I figured that she'd left and divorced, odds are she didn't), I called her. We had a nice pleasant chat that was the start of many years of friendship. Drove husband batty. lol by the way she had no interest in romance with husband again, that was done and over with. A friendship of so many years is going to be terribly hard to just chuck because your girlfriend has issues. husband and I've been married almost 25 yrs and if he told me he didn't want me being friends with someone I'd have a fit, then tell him to deal with it as it's his issue not mine. Believe it or not, we've had a few such conversations. So if it were me, and I thought I wouldn't be able to take the friendship at face value, that it would bother me and make me wonder....... Well, I'd be putting on marriage until I was sure I could deal with it and accept it. Why don't you go out to lunch with her? Maybe if you meet her you'll see why husband values her friendship so much. And heck, maybe you'll strike up a new friendship yourself. Just my .02 cents worth. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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