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<blockquote data-quote="KFld" data-source="post: 90274" data-attributes="member: 2442"><p>I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Once I walked out that door last night and headed for counseling I was able to calm down pretty quickly. </p><p></p><p>It's amazing how relaxed and happy I was last night afterwards. I think the combination of knocking him down a peg and actually standing up for myself just made me feel really good. I never gave it a second thought last night. easy child and I watched t.v., went on the computer and just spent some girls time hanging out. I slept really good too, except for my habit of wakeing up at 4:30 every morning lately and not being able to go back to sleep. I give it until about 5:30 and then say the heck with it and come down and spend some time with you guys before I get ready for work. </p><p></p><p>What really amazed me was that he made a point of telling me that he knew I was going to see Susan last night so he knew it was a good time because I would need to talk to her afterwards.</p><p></p><p>I guess he thought the news was going to make me crumbe to my knees. What he doesn't realize is having an affair while I watched my mother dyeing hurt more then anything he could have ever done. Kind of takes his ability to hurt me anymore away. </p><p></p><p>He called BFF Jill of course right away and accused her of telling me about him cheating 5 or 6 years ago and her reply to him was, you can think whatever you want, but I have always told you that if she asks me something straight out, I will never lie to her. Of course instead of being concerned that I know he cheated on me before, his main concern was who told me. He then told her, through his teary voice, that it kills him to be hurting me like this and she told him, she's not hurt she's <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> and she told him after what he did to me when my mother was sick, nothing he can do after that hurts me it's just makes me angrier. Then she told him she's really uncomfortable talking to him, and I told her even if he calls, I don't want to hear anything anymore. </p><p></p><p>I Know what you are all going to ask next? Jill new about 5 or 6 years ago and didn't tell you. Yes she knew and she tried to tell me. This was around the same time we were going for marriage counseling the first time and I guess I either didn't want to hear it, or believe it could be true. She never told me the entire story because I didn't want to hear it.I only allowed her to tell me that something happened that I needed to keep my eyes and ears open and be aware that I could not trust him and to be very careful when I go away. The neighbors used to tease and call him bachelor Dave when I went away and basically she told me that nickname meant a little bit more that time when I went away. I guess I felt at the time that we were trying to work on our marriage and what he did when things weren't going well needed to be put behind us and we needed to move forward. I guess I didn't realize it it would surface to be something I should have taken a little more serious because patterns would repeat themselves. Another mistakes I have learned from. </p><p></p><p>And the funniest thing he said to her was, I didn't even get a chance to tell her it was over before she walked out the door :rofl: Jill just laughed and said, I think she gets it. It was over long before he even thought it was his choice to call it. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Nothing he does from here on out can change my mind. It's over. I'm working on myself to become a much stronger person and make sure I never allow anybody to ever do this to me again. Notice I said never allow. Another huge thing I'm learning in counseling that nobody can ever make you feel anything unless you allow it. That is a huge thing I do that I need to as she put, own it and fix it!!! Nobody can use me if I don't allow them too. Nobody can abuse me if I don't allow them too. Nobody can make me feel guilty unless I allow them too. I have a lot of work ahead of me don't I? :smile:</p><p></p><p></p><p>TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="KFld, post: 90274, member: 2442"] I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Once I walked out that door last night and headed for counseling I was able to calm down pretty quickly. It's amazing how relaxed and happy I was last night afterwards. I think the combination of knocking him down a peg and actually standing up for myself just made me feel really good. I never gave it a second thought last night. easy child and I watched t.v., went on the computer and just spent some girls time hanging out. I slept really good too, except for my habit of wakeing up at 4:30 every morning lately and not being able to go back to sleep. I give it until about 5:30 and then say the heck with it and come down and spend some time with you guys before I get ready for work. What really amazed me was that he made a point of telling me that he knew I was going to see Susan last night so he knew it was a good time because I would need to talk to her afterwards. I guess he thought the news was going to make me crumbe to my knees. What he doesn't realize is having an affair while I watched my mother dyeing hurt more then anything he could have ever done. Kind of takes his ability to hurt me anymore away. He called BFF Jill of course right away and accused her of telling me about him cheating 5 or 6 years ago and her reply to him was, you can think whatever you want, but I have always told you that if she asks me something straight out, I will never lie to her. Of course instead of being concerned that I know he cheated on me before, his main concern was who told me. He then told her, through his teary voice, that it kills him to be hurting me like this and she told him, she's not hurt she's :censored: and she told him after what he did to me when my mother was sick, nothing he can do after that hurts me it's just makes me angrier. Then she told him she's really uncomfortable talking to him, and I told her even if he calls, I don't want to hear anything anymore. I Know what you are all going to ask next? Jill new about 5 or 6 years ago and didn't tell you. Yes she knew and she tried to tell me. This was around the same time we were going for marriage counseling the first time and I guess I either didn't want to hear it, or believe it could be true. She never told me the entire story because I didn't want to hear it.I only allowed her to tell me that something happened that I needed to keep my eyes and ears open and be aware that I could not trust him and to be very careful when I go away. The neighbors used to tease and call him bachelor Dave when I went away and basically she told me that nickname meant a little bit more that time when I went away. I guess I felt at the time that we were trying to work on our marriage and what he did when things weren't going well needed to be put behind us and we needed to move forward. I guess I didn't realize it it would surface to be something I should have taken a little more serious because patterns would repeat themselves. Another mistakes I have learned from. And the funniest thing he said to her was, I didn't even get a chance to tell her it was over before she walked out the door [img]:rofl:[/img] Jill just laughed and said, I think she gets it. It was over long before he even thought it was his choice to call it. Nothing he does from here on out can change my mind. It's over. I'm working on myself to become a much stronger person and make sure I never allow anybody to ever do this to me again. Notice I said never allow. Another huge thing I'm learning in counseling that nobody can ever make you feel anything unless you allow it. That is a huge thing I do that I need to as she put, own it and fix it!!! Nobody can use me if I don't allow them too. Nobody can abuse me if I don't allow them too. Nobody can make me feel guilty unless I allow them too. I have a lot of work ahead of me don't I? [img]:smile:[/img] TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE [/QUOTE]
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