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Parent Emeritus
I did the impossible; I threw my son out of the house.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 614231" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>MichelleC, I am very sorry you find yourself in this situation with your son. I am glad you found us, we are a group of parents who really do know how you feel. </p><p></p><p>I think a very important part of learning how to detach from our adult children is getting support for US. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. There is an organization called NAMI which is the National Alliance on Mental illness.............they can be accessed online and have chapters everywhere, they have excellent programs and courses for parents which teach us the tools and guide us to learn how to deal effectively with our kids. In the absence of that, or in addition to that, professional help like a therapist or a parent group, someplace which can offer <u>you</u> support and comfort as you go through this process. This is a difficult process for parents and has many pitfalls which can be more readily avoided with support.</p><p></p><p>It sounds as if you are doing a good job with boundaries. That is an important step. Along with boundaries there have to be clearly stated and impenetrable consequences to behavior. Hitting you is a serious issue which should not be tolerated. </p><p></p><p>I understand how difficult it is to remove our kids from our home and for many of us, that becomes the only alternative. If your son does want to try again and you want to give him another chance then it may be prudent to write a contract which clearly states your requirements and rules and what the consequences are. If he has already crossed the line and you are resolved to keep him away, then perhaps getting yourself support to tow the line is the most appropriate next step.</p><p></p><p>This is a tough road for parents and all of us have broken down from the choices that our kids make, it is not what we envisioned for them and their behavior takes an enormous toll on us and on our families. It sounds as if you made a healthy choice. Keep posting it does help. If you feel ready it helps us if you can write a bio and signature so we can recognize you. You do that by going up to the right hand corner here, click on settings, scroll down on the left and find bio/signature and write one. </p><p></p><p>*Stay the course. Wishing you peace......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 614231, member: 13542"] MichelleC, I am very sorry you find yourself in this situation with your son. I am glad you found us, we are a group of parents who really do know how you feel. I think a very important part of learning how to detach from our adult children is getting support for US. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. There is an organization called NAMI which is the National Alliance on Mental illness.............they can be accessed online and have chapters everywhere, they have excellent programs and courses for parents which teach us the tools and guide us to learn how to deal effectively with our kids. In the absence of that, or in addition to that, professional help like a therapist or a parent group, someplace which can offer [U]you[/U] support and comfort as you go through this process. This is a difficult process for parents and has many pitfalls which can be more readily avoided with support. It sounds as if you are doing a good job with boundaries. That is an important step. Along with boundaries there have to be clearly stated and impenetrable consequences to behavior. Hitting you is a serious issue which should not be tolerated. I understand how difficult it is to remove our kids from our home and for many of us, that becomes the only alternative. If your son does want to try again and you want to give him another chance then it may be prudent to write a contract which clearly states your requirements and rules and what the consequences are. If he has already crossed the line and you are resolved to keep him away, then perhaps getting yourself support to tow the line is the most appropriate next step. This is a tough road for parents and all of us have broken down from the choices that our kids make, it is not what we envisioned for them and their behavior takes an enormous toll on us and on our families. It sounds as if you made a healthy choice. Keep posting it does help. If you feel ready it helps us if you can write a bio and signature so we can recognize you. You do that by going up to the right hand corner here, click on settings, scroll down on the left and find bio/signature and write one. *Stay the course. Wishing you peace...... [/QUOTE]
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I did the impossible; I threw my son out of the house.
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