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I didn't think 35 could shock me anymore, but what horrible parenting!!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 585569" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think if you use the same tactic that worked with my gfgbro you may see some big changes in what your son says to his son about his mother. My bro was AWFUL about what he said about his then wife's ex and she was worse. The things they said were HORRIBLE. Then when bro and hsi then wife were having problems, they said awful things about each other around their chiild. She wasn't a year old when it started. My mom at least mostly stopped my brother from continuing. First she told him it was no okay and no son of hers would say those things about the mother of his child in front of his child. </p><p></p><p>Then she explained WHY. The why is what got through.</p><p></p><p>J is half of his mom and half of his dad. When dad says bad things about J's mom, the ONLY message J really gets is that the part of him that is his mom is bad, awful, horrible, rotten, mean, etc.... J has no other way to understand this info, regardless of hwo many times J is told that he isn't those things. J is half his daddy and half his mommy, so if his mommy is terrible, then half of J is terrible. Same if Daddy is terrible.</p><p></p><p>This has been the ONE argument that keeps gfgbro in line when it comes to talking about his crazy ex. Heck, the witch got married and tried to convince niece that since she had a new daddy her old daddy wouldn't see her anymore. Niece is not a dummy and asked her mom where she was going toget rent and utility money from cause if her daddy wasn't her daddy then her grandparents didn't have to help them out anymore, and the only reason they kept giving her money was so that her house wtih her mom would be safe for her.</p><p></p><p>Then she called her daddy in tears to get reassurance that regardless of how many men were in hermom's life, he would always be her daddy. </p><p></p><p>I hope that maybe understanding this will help your son see how much damage is being done when he says this koi to his dad.</p><p></p><p>Your son is a total IDIOT for not allowing J to talk about time with mommy and her new man. How else will he find out all the unsafe, insane, possibly abusive things that are going on there? Time to grow the heck up and stop being such a baby. His feelings are ZERO PERCENT his chld's responsibility. His child's safety are 110% his repsonsibility. if his child cannot talka bout what happens when he isn't with daddy, then how is daddy to know if mom or stepdad are hurting him in any way?</p><p></p><p>No child should EVER betoldnottotell a parent things. Pedophiles LOVE to find kids who keep secrets like this. They are PERFECT PREY just waiting to be perped upon. So tell your son that I wonder if his pwecious wittle feewings are more important than his son's safety? IF they are then he needs to get out of the parent business completely. I cannot count how many times something has hurt my feelings with my kids and I kept it to myself because it wasn't my child's problem and because I never wanted them to feel they couldn't share something with me,not ever. It would be different if J were deliberately trying to hurt him, but J isn't. So your son's hurt feelings are zero percent J's business.</p><p></p><p>He needs to ask the daycare to start documenting both his and his ex's behavior when they drop off, pick up, or have any other interaction with the daycare. NOT just his ex's crazy behavior, but also his sane behavior. This type of thing is very helpful to a custody decision.</p><p></p><p>As for money, tell your son his savings are not more important that the therapy he and his child need, and his health insurance has to have coverage for it, and any prayer of custody will be greatly increased if he has a therapist. Then tell him that maybe if he cut back on other things, like cable, drinking, eating out, etc... it would be easy to pay for therapy. He won't like your advice, but it is valid and if he is going to complain to you then he can listen to your opinion or he can find some wall to talk to if he doesn't want logical, reasonable feedback.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 585569, member: 1233"] I think if you use the same tactic that worked with my gfgbro you may see some big changes in what your son says to his son about his mother. My bro was AWFUL about what he said about his then wife's ex and she was worse. The things they said were HORRIBLE. Then when bro and hsi then wife were having problems, they said awful things about each other around their chiild. She wasn't a year old when it started. My mom at least mostly stopped my brother from continuing. First she told him it was no okay and no son of hers would say those things about the mother of his child in front of his child. Then she explained WHY. The why is what got through. J is half of his mom and half of his dad. When dad says bad things about J's mom, the ONLY message J really gets is that the part of him that is his mom is bad, awful, horrible, rotten, mean, etc.... J has no other way to understand this info, regardless of hwo many times J is told that he isn't those things. J is half his daddy and half his mommy, so if his mommy is terrible, then half of J is terrible. Same if Daddy is terrible. This has been the ONE argument that keeps gfgbro in line when it comes to talking about his crazy ex. Heck, the witch got married and tried to convince niece that since she had a new daddy her old daddy wouldn't see her anymore. Niece is not a dummy and asked her mom where she was going toget rent and utility money from cause if her daddy wasn't her daddy then her grandparents didn't have to help them out anymore, and the only reason they kept giving her money was so that her house wtih her mom would be safe for her. Then she called her daddy in tears to get reassurance that regardless of how many men were in hermom's life, he would always be her daddy. I hope that maybe understanding this will help your son see how much damage is being done when he says this koi to his dad. Your son is a total IDIOT for not allowing J to talk about time with mommy and her new man. How else will he find out all the unsafe, insane, possibly abusive things that are going on there? Time to grow the heck up and stop being such a baby. His feelings are ZERO PERCENT his chld's responsibility. His child's safety are 110% his repsonsibility. if his child cannot talka bout what happens when he isn't with daddy, then how is daddy to know if mom or stepdad are hurting him in any way? No child should EVER betoldnottotell a parent things. Pedophiles LOVE to find kids who keep secrets like this. They are PERFECT PREY just waiting to be perped upon. So tell your son that I wonder if his pwecious wittle feewings are more important than his son's safety? IF they are then he needs to get out of the parent business completely. I cannot count how many times something has hurt my feelings with my kids and I kept it to myself because it wasn't my child's problem and because I never wanted them to feel they couldn't share something with me,not ever. It would be different if J were deliberately trying to hurt him, but J isn't. So your son's hurt feelings are zero percent J's business. He needs to ask the daycare to start documenting both his and his ex's behavior when they drop off, pick up, or have any other interaction with the daycare. NOT just his ex's crazy behavior, but also his sane behavior. This type of thing is very helpful to a custody decision. As for money, tell your son his savings are not more important that the therapy he and his child need, and his health insurance has to have coverage for it, and any prayer of custody will be greatly increased if he has a therapist. Then tell him that maybe if he cut back on other things, like cable, drinking, eating out, etc... it would be easy to pay for therapy. He won't like your advice, but it is valid and if he is going to complain to you then he can listen to your opinion or he can find some wall to talk to if he doesn't want logical, reasonable feedback. [/QUOTE]
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I didn't think 35 could shock me anymore, but what horrible parenting!!
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