I dont even know where to start....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Nov 18, 2011.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    School, PACER, Disability Law Center? I have a pounding headache. Just took 2 hours to finish an email to school...trying to word it so carefully. But on advice from the law center, they said to send an email confirming what was talked about today to document it all!
    I called PACER and Dis Law. and they are both advising but can not use Disabiity Law if PACER is on board..... so I will use Disability Law...PACER gives advice, that is ok but they wont come to meetings until there is a violation of the IEP or a large issue, I asked again if admin. overriding the bip is an issue, she said, well yes in her opinion so she is going to talk with their boss, supervising advocate to make sure. Disability Law on the other hand, is already angry with everyone involved from other kids she works with.  So she already guessed what is up. She siad she was hoping the problem (she has 13 kids with high functoning abilities who are falling thru the cracks and being denied services and being punished) and since Q is high in some areas very low in others, she said I busted her bubble that maybe this district was doing right by the lower functioning kids. sorry lady.......

    Q was upset from the get go about the locks this morning. I wouldn't unlock until the bus came and then he went out calling me a B and saying he was going to show his penis...(just a I will do all the things you hate because it gets back at you move, so obviously not an exhibitionist) so, I called school to prep them, and drove there for our 8 oclock "core team" meeting. Couldn't start the meeting because he was putting a whistle in his mouth and they were afraid he would choke. THey got into a big power struggle about it . I finally asked them if this was really worth it. He is really getting a huge pay off for arguing about it. I went and got the whistle, but hten they wanted me to get his ds. cord (we are not in a psychiatric hospital)...well that could cut him if he puts it in his mouth. I said, well then he gets cut.  He wont cut himself, it is a PLUG.  If he wrecks it, more likely thing to do, he wont have it...big. bummer for him. I said, after I take that, he will grab something else because IT IS WORKING! He asked for gum...give him the d*mn gum.

    We go to the meeting, they say they want me to sign releases for the psychiatric hospital to talk to them about anything. Since I am suspicious about their motives, I say I have always refused to sign open permission to communicate.  I am willing to help you find out any answers to questions you have. Please write down your questions and I will sign a release to address each question. I am willing to let you have the discharge summary and the teacher can talk to you about what worked and didn't work in her setting. The fact is, he was sick, how he was there is not how he is normally so there is nothing they could say that would benefit school, only satisfy their curiousity. but I didn't say that of course. the team said that was fine and fair.
    So school psychiatric (the one who said he grabbed Q before, remember?) brings in the release with big X's on psychological reports, treatment plans, blah blah blah. I looked up at him and said, this is not what I said I was comfortable with. he looked at me and slapped his hand down and picked it all up and left. I sat up (luckily my two guys from the Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) company were there as was the nurse and the two behavior specialists) After he left I said, look guys, I am giving you every bit of paper I have, diagnosis, they give (and explained they didn't put the seizures because of insurance) etc. The nurse said, how about I go get another one. She came back, wrote "discharg summary" and then added that the teacher could talk to our teacher.  I signed it.  I said, I am sorry guys that just didn't feel right. They ALL said it was fine, to trust my gut and that was that. I said, if you have other questions ask me, I will get you the information or connect you to who can give you infor for that specific concern. I will not allow a fishing trip. So, in the mean time I go down to the library and hang out in case they need help. They try to work on a plan like we did at hospital when he wouldn't leave. They had already decided he shouldn't stay so I was going to take him but he had fallen asleep (very suspicious) so they came and got me, said he was having a hard time. So I go up and vice principal is there, teacher, behavior specialist and ed. asst. They tell me he started blurting the sex words again and now is just not stopping. I said, it seems too hard for him so I will take him home, but he maybe not going to come right away so if not we can stay here and work it out... vice principal says well maybe mr sp ed. admin and I can tell him he has to go,,,, I said, well but we can predict he will go ito fight mode and he will escalate and I am asking, does that mean you are going to add days off for him??   (they already decided all of next week, half days) so that is a 4 day in a row removal already. I said, you are going to put him in a place where he WILL be inappropriate. so is it fair to punish him.... He said well that is a whole other discussion we have to have (remember I said my gut says the admin has an agenda). Well, I said I will take care of it. Gave him a prn medication, sat there while he ripped up a full notebook and hoards of worksheets (it was impressive) and he was crying by this point. He started asking me about different things. I offered to drive around and collect menus from restaurants we havent' eaten at. He said, "you are not just trying to fool me are you? " and I said no, absolutely not School is too hard today, lets do what we can to calm down. He said, OK I wont say "haha I got to do something fun if you do that" Remember he always prefers school so......

    I get home and am sick and tired of waiting for pacer and dis. law, but haven't called them becasue of the hospital stuff...

    I called both. Got both to call me back today! After talking to them, found out they are both interested.... dis. law may be more valuable though... once connected there are other areas they can help if needed, and they wll come to meetings sooner.

    After I talk to them I get a call from asst. principal. HE had mr sp ed admin want to meet with me privately monday. OH REALLY????? That is when I find out Q said teacher was having sex with students blah blah and they are concerned..... (here's me saying I understand but thinking....AND YOU ARE WORRIED THAT ANYONE WILL BELIEVE Q??? HE HAS ALREADY SAID THIS ABOUT TWO OTHER PEOPLE...THEN TALKS ABOUT PENN STATE, OBVIOUS ECHOIC STUFF...) So, I say ... well I am uncomfortable having a private meeting with you about something this serious that is a behavior related to his disability and it would be better to include the entire IEP team. I reminded mr sp ed admin that even he had told me that at one meeting people told us that the plan was working and at another they told him it wasn't...I said I just dont want any more communication issues. I said in the mean time why dont we do what the hospital did and have him start his day (he is in there tons already anyway) in his office, he has to earn minutes in the class by staying in the green zone for x amount of time just until we break this pattern. I also reminded them that the psychiatric in elem . brought in The Explosive Child and used those methods and they worked. I said we need to define exactly the words he can't say (he can't stop it all but maybe we can reduce some of the words) so different people dont react to different triggers.

    So, after refusing the meeting I admitted that I needed enough time to bring in an advocate of some sort because I really do not want to work outside of the IEP process. I explained that I want us to continue to have a good working relationship but that I feel the need to have someone to help me sort throught this.

    Here is the preliminary things both places told me to do.... and they are talking to others to get more ideas and mn dis. law will call me back about what I just said to her. Both said to ask for an independent FBA.  they had their chance, they are not experts in this area and mn dis. law lady knows just who to ask.  I asked if this means I pay for it??? and they both say NO.   they had their chance. (who knows if they will agree or not) If they say they want a change in placement and there is not serious injury, nodrugs, no weapons, then they can't move him for a while, if I disagree in writing. I worry they will provoke him like they tried to do today when it is clear that he can be de-escalated.

    I am ready to throw up and in the mean time my kid is beside himself. Naturally. He just said, mom, it was my first day back...I never do good then. I laughed, I said well you got that right. I am so overwhelmed. I am walking on egg shells with my kid trying to get him better, and dealing with some real jerks. I called our psychiatric and asked him what he thought, and he said that my instincts are always right, he knew they would call. He also said that what I did with the ROI's was what he advises people all the time. He said, it is not good to have papers, especially about mental health flying around a school district. I know that is true. truth is anyone can check out a file and things like his hospital. stay are out of context, very different than his normal life, so it does not apply.

    to top it off my finger, while better still hurts, I have a fever and a cold. Life stinks right now. (maybe hospital was not so bad???)

    (good news? while Q is bothered by the locks and pushing it, he is NOT aggressive and not threatening me at all,just asking over and over)
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2011
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Law center just called me back, heck it is 7:30 at night...she said she does not like what I just put on her message..not my calling, but that they are asking to meet with me alone. She got a call in the middle of our convo and is calling me back but since she said to call her any time anything like this happens I assume that means she took the case!
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm glad you have DisLaw on your side! Sadly, it sounds like you need it.
  4. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member

    Awww, poor Q. That *was* a rough first day (for you too Mommy).

    The school **** you've had to deal with lately is...well, ****! Sounds like you are about to have a bull dog on your team! Woohoooo... Having someone to help you out like that has got to give you a little breathing room (it would me).

    Hope you feel all better soon. Sending big hugs...
  5. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I really hope the dis. law lady can get you results without the school pushing Q over edge on purpose.

    Oh my word, you just never get a break. You both need a breather for at least 2 weeks. It sounds like they are being worse than they were before he went to the phos.
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I agree that it sounds like they are wanting to gather "ammunition". Your admin sounds just like the *ahem* jerk (for lack of a board acceptable term) I had to deal with. The only difference is that our admin actually made the mistake of coming right out and saying that difficult child 1 didn't belong there and even suggested other PUBLIC schools in the area as alternatives. Nothing special about any of them just somewhere other than here.

    Go Get 'Em girl!!!!
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    OH, wow. I'm so glad the disability attorney took the case! Is that the Civil Rights place in Illinois that works with several states in the Midwest or do you want something like that in Minnesota? At any rate, I'm really glad you have her and I agree that your instincts sound, sadly, very on target.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh poor Q....poor mom! You guys have to catch a break. This just isnt fair. He cant help what he blurts out. No different from a tourettes person blurting out bad words. No one punishes them. Or they shouldnt. Its called no control. Are we now going to punish the blind for not being able to see, the physically disabled for not being able to walk, the mute for not being able to talk?
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh, school stuff! I'm so glad that you have someone to advocate for Q now! I really do not like the staff at your son's school! They put you both through a lot of unnecessary stuff yesterday. When difficult child was in 4th grade we had huge problems with Special Education teacher not following the BIP. (From what I was told she didn't even know what was in the BIP for a long time). Thankfully it all worked out. The Special Education teacher invited the dist. Special Education head to difficult child's IEP. She agreed with everything husband and I said and after the meeting when it was just the principal, husband, me, and the Special Education director she asked the principal if the Special Education teacher needed more training because it was obvious she didn't know how to work with kids like difficult child.

    by the way, how unprofessional for the school psychiatric to react the way he did!
  10. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I hope the lawyer is able to help you get the school to do what is right by Q.
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    thanks everyone as usual!

    Liahona, I really hope so too. I fear once they know I have this pitbull on my side that the nice working relationship I have had with most of them will go out the window, I fear communication will not be full and based on another mom's experience, (she was escorted out of the school for being there to support her daughter) I am worried my volunteer days are numbered. If they treat me differently though I suspect pitbull will go after them. She said one of the sp. ed. coordinators she works with well there told her she is just intimidating from the minute she walks in the room. Frankly, I need that right now. I am good at stating my case, but I am far from intimidating. and as much as I hate to admit it, I do think that even Special Education (due to fear of retribution from bosses, and frustration with how hard Q is) in some of their cases, are not being truthful about their efforts. They get pretty defensive with me when I ask simple questions. I have bent over backwards, I mean it, not ONE email without a genuine grateful compliement. Nothing fake, just what I truly am thankful for.

    I worry that to prove their point they will in little ways, set him up, not redirect as much etc. so he will fall apart and then they can say, see....we can't handle him, isn't he awful But if the data changes drastically after they find out that I have this lady I guess that will speak for itself.

    Midwest, It is the MN Disability Law Center. I dont know if they are connected, they are a branch of Legal Aid. They have taken on many cases from this district. They also work with waiver appeals, hospital/Residential Treatment Center (RTC) etc. Anything related to the disability. when I saw on their website it said to call BEFORE 10 suspensions, I thought that they might help. She said yes, if there are five consecutive days on the sixth in MN they have to provide alt. education services. This time we have four...even though they are calling it transition and I allowed it, she said it makes no difference, it is a removal/change in his day without IEP procedures to do so. I have learned from this board to not allow a change in schedule unless there is a permanent plan in place. I understand it is hard to come back from that.

    The you know what school psychiatric said, well we know Q does better in small settings, in small rooms etc. I said , WAIT a minute... that is what is happening NOW but it is the opposite of what has happened his whole life. His FBA data has always shown he has better behaviors in gen. ed. classes, halls, lunch room. He has had a huge amount of pressure not to do anything wrong in these settings this year and it is just too much. I know they want to write it off to medications, but I didn't start changing medications until they complained that after two years of letting it go, he couldn't run anymore... etc. HE has never hurt anyone running to lunch... it is all teh what ifs. So frustrating.

    The whistle they were worried about yesterday... it was a three inch rectangle key chain....not a little whistle in his mouth. it made his cheeks puff out. I mean, really they were so worried he would CHOKE??? It would never go thru one of those choke testing things, nto even for an adult. If it went down at all, we could get it easily. Just a waste of energy to fuss about that.

    Janet---exactly. And for three months people have talked about student education to help the situation. I am so glad the nurse was at the meeting. When the behavior team said to administration, Are you worried that even if we educate the classes Q is in, it is the passing 6th graders taht are the concern? They said yes. I said then why not do a presentation to all of the kids on that end of the building?? They said well taht is a lot of kids. NURSE said, we have done it before!! For kids on feeding tubes, for kids with tourettes.... HUH??? I was sooo happy she spoke up. Behavior team said, yea...we hit all the english classes (required for all so we will get all the students) and nurse even said, we have had the mom come and talk for five minutes. They had tried to shut me out of that.... I told them I have done these disability presentations before. They just dont want me there. Ieven said I am ok with a letter going out to the whole school (parents) saying we have a student (no name) who attends the school who has some unique needs. He has a brain injury and it causes him to have uncontrollable moments of saying inapproprate words and phrases. ... whatever, something to let people know that no one is in danger and he is not intentionally disrespecting anyone. That he has staff with him at all times and while specific information is private, they may call for for general information if they have questions. I think something stating how their student can be encouraging and supportive would be nice to add. I really believe when kids are given a chance to be leaders and role models, many step up to the plate. Our two neighbors do it and one is in the EBD program himself. There are six boys already whose parents have signed permission to work with Q. They are doing a good job so far. SO??? If anyone wants to draft a presentation for me or ideas, I am open to it...my brain is so overwhelmed that I would love the help. Short, direct, reassuring and supportive of Q....that is what I need.
  12. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Ha they didn't include the nurse in the meeting before the meeting and it came back to bite them. Good for her. It sounds like your relationship with these people is going down the tubes even with out the lawyer involved.
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    true.... hard to think that... i trusted these folks