I don't know how he does it.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Feb 8, 2011.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I just received difficult child's 1st semester grades. He got 90 or above in Geometry, Science, Spanish, Tech Ed, and Commercial Cleaning. High 80's in English and Health/PE. 83 in Art.

    I swear I don't know why or how but when he's acting the worst, his grades are the best. He and I both are starting to rethink some level of BiPolar (BP) going on. It is so hard for me to understand why he STILL isn't mature enough to realize that he could have such a good future if he'd start behaving. I guess all of us parents of difficult children feel that way- at least I know all of you can understand this frustration I'm feeling!
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Maybe getting good grades is something he does to make up for acting badly on some level. Or having good grades is permission to do whatever else he wants. Sort of "They always say school is my job and I do a good job of it so I "earned" the right to do whatever i watn the rest of the time even if it is against the rules or illegal."

    At least he will graduate high school, lots of difficult children don't or cannot do that.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't know- if he gets released during his Junior year as planned, he'll have an entire school year to skip out and blow it without ever graduating. But hopefully, he'll be far enough along that he'd go get a GED. He doesn't know it, but part of the reason I was fine encouraging him to go for this advanced diploma is because depending on where he goes to HS the last 2 years, he possibly could graduate with a standard diploma a semester early. That's my back-up plan if he's a senior living in the free world and decides he wants to quit when he turns 18yo.

    I hope this isn't part of his sense of entitlement but you never know. He says it's because he'd be too bored in a Department of Juvenile Justice sd if he didn't do the work and study. And he's always said he wants to go to college- but then he's also aware that kids who are doing well in school are more likely to get released early and get lower sentences- that probably has a lot to do with it, too.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sadly, intellect and behavior are often polar opposites. From experience, however, I understand your confusion. I think it "may" be easier for parents of difficult child's without the academic gifts. Probably their expectations are not as high. Anyway it sure is frustrating. I get your concerns. Hugs. DDD
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    But what do those grades mean?? Kanga is often a straight A student but it rarely meant that she was doing work even close to her potential. It usually meant that she was doing the sweet-helpless-angel act very well.

    I have the same 'plan' for Kanga. If everything goes according to plan, she will have enough credits by her 18th birthday that she'll be able to get her high school diploma even if she walks out that day. I still hope that she'll one day realize that she could have a good life if she'd just focus.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    JJJ, obviously I can't speak for the sd Kanga is in, but I had the same concerns about the Department of Juvenile Justice school my son was in the first time (finishing 8th grade and doing most of 9th grade)- I thought it MUST be a poor excuse for a school. But as it turned out, he already knew what was being taught in the same mainstream 9th grade classes at the end of last school year. That is how he passed and did ok in so many classes even though he was skipping out and not doing squat. I don't know about the school he's in at this facility, but maybe it's true- some of these are actually teaching more because they are much more stringent than mainstream sd's with classes over-filled.

    Now, I'm not saying that's preferable to a easy child in a mainstream sd getting Cs by any means. Given a choice, I'd prefer to have a easy child. But at this point, I'm looking at it like the choice is a difficult child in Department of Juvenile Justice flunking or a difficult child in Department of Juvenile Justice at least getting an education. I am big on education- I figure it's the one thing that can never be a waste or taken away and can only help one in life.

    Again, I have no clue about Kanga's facility, but here, Department of Juvenile Justice sds sure don't let kids slide thru- at least that's been what I;'ve seen so far.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Cory is smart as a whip but it hasnt done a darn thing for him. Damn shame.
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Onyxx is too darned smart for her own good.

    She was an A-B student who darn near failed because of days out of school when she lived with BM. Now, the SD she was in? Was "academic emergency" at that time. I saw some of her homework and wondered what they were thinking - because addition and subtraction was being taught in 5th grade. Times tables at the end of 6th. Her grades tanked for the 2nd half of 6th grade (and now we know why).

    The kids came to live with us for her 7th grade year - horrible grades. (our SD has been "excellent" for years.) Then she went into PHP. Finished out the year with all As. Next year - first half, bad grades, second half in PHP, As. 9th grade, alt school, ALL As (and I saw some of this work - it was about the same as Jett's - what, do they think just because they have issues that they're stupid too?)

    Onyxx's grades were OK the first quarter and AWFUL this semester. She's in regular HS now. She complains that the work is "hard" and "boring". (For me, school was always boring - I loved it when it was hard because it was a challenge.)

    My point here being - how did he do in regular school? And remember - they dumb it down to the least common denominator. Sigh.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He did well in mainstream school...when he actually did it and turned it in. The biggest differences in Department of Juvenile Justice sd are no homeowrk, the kids can't skip class, and they can't be suspended. They HAVE to be in class each day unless extremely sick or locked in isolation and if locked in isolation, they schoolwork is brought to them and it's part of their requirement to get out of isolation. So basicly, they can either sit in class, do nothing, and get bad grades or do the work. Oh- another big difference- class sizes are about 5-10 students per teacher. All his individual grades don't come back good- he got a 71 on an end of semester test but because his other grades were good and his 1st semester grade was very good, he final semester grade was still good.

    As I said, I don't know how much this particular school might be dumbing them down, but the first one he went to turned out to exceed my expectations. At least he got something good from that stint. Now whether or not he ever turns around and uses an educational foundation for better use, who knows. I've always thought he was too smart for his own good too, he seems to use it to dig himself in deeper a lot of times.