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I Don't know what to think/do (long vent)
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiapet" data-source="post: 139168" data-attributes="member: 455"><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em>Jane, I know she is suppose to be pulling away and actually encouraged/encouraging her to do so and get a social life. Prior to our move and up until about then she had not much of a social life. Once I had divorced ex her life slowly started growing because she could breathe again and I forced her to do so. As she put it, she lived under a rock socially. Partly because of "where" we lived and partly because of "how" we were living back then. Because she has such social and other anxieties it has been a slow process but I'm happy to say she is finally moving along! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em></em></span></p><p> <span style="color: DarkRed"><em>In fact up until a year ago or so she didn't have any boyfriends so to speak of (and this girl is a beautiful 5'9 - no lie blue eyed blonde beauty) because the boys were intimidated by her brains. I tried to teach her that. Now it's coming around and the boys are flocking and she is trying to handle that. She's turned into quite the flirt (but she is in no way in danger of becoming trouble with the flirt because she's still too scared of her own shadow in that respect).</em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em>Funny you mention drama, she is all about drama too. She likes drama figuratively and literally unless it's one of her friends creating it. Then she tires of it, although does her best to help over and above. The thing is though, no one knows or sees her scars so I don't think it's the drama of cutting. There is only her boyfriend and her best friend online besides us who know about the cutting.</em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em>Yes, I kind of got girls do think about sex as much as boys but the shock is because you would have to understand that difficult child is/was very very prudish. She couldn't even stand to watch kissing on TV! That is until this past year and boom, everything suddenly changed so very drastically. It's almost like a complete swing of the pendulum with out her actually doing anything yet.</em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em>Star, I'm like you. I stop and think about what I need to ask her and basically don't ask unless I have to. She thinks nothing of exploding and will explode on the younger ones too and that's not good at all.</em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em>Respect is the biggest issue in this household and is one of the 2 big focuses for all difficult child and has been for the years since ex left. #1 is NO violence (since they all tend to be physical and verbal) and #2 is RESPECT ourselves and others (space and property). All else is worked on but can and does fall to the side when we have to prioritize. Ex's words were F this and F that. Every other words was F. difficult child 1 didn't use to swear. My little guy did (his rational was ex did it so he HAD to do it in his place, no lie this is what he told therapist) So difficult child started to do it and it made it harder to break little guy. Middle one didn't swear at all and now even she has picked it up. I swear (lol no not literally) I now live in a house full of foul mouthed sailors! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em></em></span></p><p> <span style="color: DarkRed"><em>It is NOT good because last year little dude used it on the bus and at times in school and we had big problems. In NC it's all prim and proper and about respect big time in the schools with the teachers (and I realize it should be to begin with anyway). Many of them expect Ma'ams even. My kids are from up north where it wasn't taught. We finally got him to the point he at least doesn't do it there. Now middle difficult child is doing it in school and on bus and she already has BIG problems in school. So we have the major curse words but difficult child 1 is using words like S*** and wh*** when she talks about things and middle one picked up those words and is using them on her peers in school! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em>I have given her consequences for her actions as best I can for a 16 year old (in this case there is only phone and computer time as she doesn't do or go anywhere). I will also deny her things if she asks because of her behaviors. She does try "sometimes" to keep it in check and other times she doesn't or the words just seem to slip out as if it was a natural part of her speech.</em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em>As for her lack of feelings and cutting, she says it quiets her thoughts in her head and yes, sometimes makes her feel something other then numb (two different reasons at different times). If I did what you did to dude she wouldn't stop me because again, she likes pain. She would not jump. She would probably just sit there and, if I didn't stop, let me stab her. She has done other painful things to herself. Like I said, she honestly enjoys pain!</em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em>As for the stimulant pills, those were the ones at her disposal that were "hers" (all our pills actually were around at the time so she could have taken anyones). She just started this tylenol kick recently. Not sure why on that. Keeps asking for tylenol PM. I think there is more to this because I've heard an awful lot about it and seems to be a common thing going on but I'm not sure why.</em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em>I believe she may be in denial. Her grandfather died back in Aug a almost a year ago (although she was not close and it doesn't seem to matter -quite the opposite for reasons I won't go into here). Then her great Grand mother had died in May before that who she WAS very close to and was the reason she got into religion so deeply (and she had to watch the process of months to death). That could be a reason but I'm not sure.</em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em>I am very very happy she is willing because in the past she has refused because we ran into not finding anyone she clicked with or her "seeing" through therapists and doctors because she is so darn smart. The reason she got better years ago is because she did take an active part in her therapy and was learning about herself and what was wrong.</em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: DarkRed"><em>Thank you BBK! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></em></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiapet, post: 139168, member: 455"] [COLOR=DarkRed][I]Jane, I know she is suppose to be pulling away and actually encouraged/encouraging her to do so and get a social life. Prior to our move and up until about then she had not much of a social life. Once I had divorced ex her life slowly started growing because she could breathe again and I forced her to do so. As she put it, she lived under a rock socially. Partly because of "where" we lived and partly because of "how" we were living back then. Because she has such social and other anxieties it has been a slow process but I'm happy to say she is finally moving along! :) In fact up until a year ago or so she didn't have any boyfriends so to speak of (and this girl is a beautiful 5'9 - no lie blue eyed blonde beauty) because the boys were intimidated by her brains. I tried to teach her that. Now it's coming around and the boys are flocking and she is trying to handle that. She's turned into quite the flirt (but she is in no way in danger of becoming trouble with the flirt because she's still too scared of her own shadow in that respect). Funny you mention drama, she is all about drama too. She likes drama figuratively and literally unless it's one of her friends creating it. Then she tires of it, although does her best to help over and above. The thing is though, no one knows or sees her scars so I don't think it's the drama of cutting. There is only her boyfriend and her best friend online besides us who know about the cutting. Yes, I kind of got girls do think about sex as much as boys but the shock is because you would have to understand that difficult child is/was very very prudish. She couldn't even stand to watch kissing on TV! That is until this past year and boom, everything suddenly changed so very drastically. It's almost like a complete swing of the pendulum with out her actually doing anything yet. Star, I'm like you. I stop and think about what I need to ask her and basically don't ask unless I have to. She thinks nothing of exploding and will explode on the younger ones too and that's not good at all. Respect is the biggest issue in this household and is one of the 2 big focuses for all difficult child and has been for the years since ex left. #1 is NO violence (since they all tend to be physical and verbal) and #2 is RESPECT ourselves and others (space and property). All else is worked on but can and does fall to the side when we have to prioritize. Ex's words were F this and F that. Every other words was F. difficult child 1 didn't use to swear. My little guy did (his rational was ex did it so he HAD to do it in his place, no lie this is what he told therapist) So difficult child started to do it and it made it harder to break little guy. Middle one didn't swear at all and now even she has picked it up. I swear (lol no not literally) I now live in a house full of foul mouthed sailors! :( It is NOT good because last year little dude used it on the bus and at times in school and we had big problems. In NC it's all prim and proper and about respect big time in the schools with the teachers (and I realize it should be to begin with anyway). Many of them expect Ma'ams even. My kids are from up north where it wasn't taught. We finally got him to the point he at least doesn't do it there. Now middle difficult child is doing it in school and on bus and she already has BIG problems in school. So we have the major curse words but difficult child 1 is using words like S*** and wh*** when she talks about things and middle one picked up those words and is using them on her peers in school! :( I have given her consequences for her actions as best I can for a 16 year old (in this case there is only phone and computer time as she doesn't do or go anywhere). I will also deny her things if she asks because of her behaviors. She does try "sometimes" to keep it in check and other times she doesn't or the words just seem to slip out as if it was a natural part of her speech. As for her lack of feelings and cutting, she says it quiets her thoughts in her head and yes, sometimes makes her feel something other then numb (two different reasons at different times). If I did what you did to dude she wouldn't stop me because again, she likes pain. She would not jump. She would probably just sit there and, if I didn't stop, let me stab her. She has done other painful things to herself. Like I said, she honestly enjoys pain! As for the stimulant pills, those were the ones at her disposal that were "hers" (all our pills actually were around at the time so she could have taken anyones). She just started this tylenol kick recently. Not sure why on that. Keeps asking for tylenol PM. I think there is more to this because I've heard an awful lot about it and seems to be a common thing going on but I'm not sure why. I believe she may be in denial. Her grandfather died back in Aug a almost a year ago (although she was not close and it doesn't seem to matter -quite the opposite for reasons I won't go into here). Then her great Grand mother had died in May before that who she WAS very close to and was the reason she got into religion so deeply (and she had to watch the process of months to death). That could be a reason but I'm not sure. I am very very happy she is willing because in the past she has refused because we ran into not finding anyone she clicked with or her "seeing" through therapists and doctors because she is so darn smart. The reason she got better years ago is because she did take an active part in her therapy and was learning about herself and what was wrong. Thank you BBK! :)[/I][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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