I don't like being with difficult child.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Aug 5, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I just got back from a field trip with difficult child 2. I have to go, now, or he can't go, because of staff shortages at school and their inability to handle him. While I agree the school needs to deal with the problem, reality is, they can't, and they're being honest and up front about it, so we're dealing with it as best we can.
    We got back on Sunday from vacation. The best day I had on vacation (and I had a truly wonderful time) was on Saturday, when some friends who came late wanted to go canoing, but only had 3 people and needed a 4th, so I went along. We had a BLAST. I was away from difficult child.
    Today on the field trip, difficult child wasn't terrible, but required redirection every 3-5 minutes, at best. And I caught myself watching the clock, waiting to get back to work. I didn't enjoy that time with difficult child at all, and largely, that's getting to be the norm. Evenings are the same way - I exist and survive them and that's about it.
    Time to get a break and get back in the game. This isn't doing ANYONE any good.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhhhhhhhh, Shari, I know how you feel. It's exhausting. Then there's the guilt part of it, like, we're the moms so we're supposed to be liking this, or at least, not resenting it.
    At least you got to enjoy yourself while canoeing. Treasure and cherish the little things. So often, that's all we get.
    Here's some extra lake water to store on top of your monitor ...
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Oh Shari, I knowthe feeling. It is a sign you need a break. Maybe you can take a weekend away from the family? something to help you needs to happen. maybe go get a massage and a pedicure? anything to help restore your spirit. Take up knitting? I could send you a cross stitch kit if you want to try that? I find it really is relaxing for me.

    It is sad that the school can't handle your difficult child, but I am glad they are up front about it. maybe soon they will get staffing and be able to handle him?
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I so wish you could get a break. I'm sorry the school can't deal with things better right now. Hugs.
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    I agree with the others, honey you *need* a break. Please try to schedule some time for self care. Gosh I do know how you feel. I'm sure everyone does. Thinking peaceful thoughts of you.. ML
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Yep, I've been there done that as well. You definitely need a break. Sending hugs and some peaceful quiet to use whenever you need it.
  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Shari, I know what you mean and it's such a frustrating and also heartbreaking realization.

    I can't remember....were you going to be able to receive respite? Can your mom handle him for a weekend? Even an evening or afternoon?

  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    I used to get the line from staff ~ if you don't come your difficult child cannot go along. That's just plain wrong. AND I came to an agreement that I would attend X number of field trips but that difficult child would not always be assigned to my group or alone with me. That would make them pariahs, outcasts.

    It was an agreement that school was willing to make with me. If one or the other of the tweedles acted out & they weren't in my group, I was at least along to help (teach) staff how to redirect or shut down a behavior.

    Glad you got out canoing & had some fun.
  9. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    This is our world isn't it? They are not easy to live with but very few people understand how totally disagreeable and dislikeable they can be on a regular basis. We, as parents are not saint like enough to just grin and bear it are we? We just get up every morning and try again and again. Doesn't mean we are enjoying ourselves.
    Try to look for little improvements to get through the tough days. Look back a year and search for progress. It's the only way I could keep finding reasons for hope.
    Trying to trade off with husband may help ease the intensity of being around difficult child.
  10. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Yep. It is entirely possible to LOVE your child and not LIKE him at the same time. A difficult child-free time set aside for you will help but if you are like me, you'll spend half that time worrying about difficult child--lol! Do it anyway.

    Good lUck
  11. tonime

    tonime toni

    I so agree with Fran- it is tough-we need to look for the little improvements our difficult children make. I totally know how you feel- you do need to try and find break times for yourself. Sometimes it feels like we do battle everyday--it is far from easy. I was very lucky, and my son had an aide up until 3rd grade- who went on trips with him. Is anything like that possible in your district? I would look into it.
    Good luck
    Toni :)
  12. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    Absolutely, our difficult child children are indeed challenging. And no other parent can understand unless they have one of our own.

    I just went through 2 weeks of not liking my difficult child child and I think most everyone goes through it. She's been great the last 2 days, so I know it can be good. It's just hard when the tough and challenging days are 99% of the time and you get 1 % just normal.

    Hang in there, the feeling will pass. In the meantime, try to get as many breaks as you can. Hugs.