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Parent Emeritus
I feel I'm losing it because I think I should move to Colorado and save him.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 702759" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I also send prayers</p><p></p><p>Gnat, he doesn't want help to get well, a warm bed, sanity or a leg up. He is a victim mentality who is more interested in getting you to send money for drugs rather than eating, a warm bed or changing. His answer "too many rules (which mean no drugs or being high) just told you what his real concerns are, and they are not yours.</p><p></p><p>You can spend all your money and time and love trying to help him. Many do.</p><p> Until the day comes when HE wants to do it, it won't happen. That's why Al Anon urges us to detach, which sounds cold at first. But not detaching doesn't help them and it can kill us with stress.</p><p></p><p>When he hopefully changes you will know. It's hard to explain, but he will become a new person, hiding from his drug crowd, suddenly the person we remembered from long ago. The drama will end. Suddenly they love and appreciate us. And usually we are not the ones to get them to quit...it comes from the most important place of all, their hearts. Not ours. Theirs. Often the quitting surprises us as they do it without telling us until afterwards. I think this is in case they fail.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for the pain in your heart. Please go on with your life and if you pray, pray for him and if you have a higher power, give your son to Him/Her. This is not within your loving Mother control. Try to let it go and live your life. Hugs!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 702759, member: 1550"] I also send prayers Gnat, he doesn't want help to get well, a warm bed, sanity or a leg up. He is a victim mentality who is more interested in getting you to send money for drugs rather than eating, a warm bed or changing. His answer "too many rules (which mean no drugs or being high) just told you what his real concerns are, and they are not yours. You can spend all your money and time and love trying to help him. Many do. Until the day comes when HE wants to do it, it won't happen. That's why Al Anon urges us to detach, which sounds cold at first. But not detaching doesn't help them and it can kill us with stress. When he hopefully changes you will know. It's hard to explain, but he will become a new person, hiding from his drug crowd, suddenly the person we remembered from long ago. The drama will end. Suddenly they love and appreciate us. And usually we are not the ones to get them to quit...it comes from the most important place of all, their hearts. Not ours. Theirs. Often the quitting surprises us as they do it without telling us until afterwards. I think this is in case they fail. I am so sorry for the pain in your heart. Please go on with your life and if you pray, pray for him and if you have a higher power, give your son to Him/Her. This is not within your loving Mother control. Try to let it go and live your life. Hugs!!! [/QUOTE]
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Parent Emeritus
I feel I'm losing it because I think I should move to Colorado and save him.
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